buenuno – n. a hot dog that makes you gain 13 pounds
One of the few things I think seriously about is spam e-mail. Not only do people actually spend the time to write out huge paragraphs as some random African country’s prince – which is called role playing where I come from (The Internet), sometimes you’ve got to wonder about whether or not a few of these “situations” may in fact be real.
I got a spam mail once that wasn’t trying to sell me anything. It wasn’t trying to convince me to give my social security number to get a million hot dogs shipped to me from Uruguay, although I would seriously contemplate the prospect – this spam mail I got was about how Korean electronics companies were trying to kill him and how he needed help because they were hacking him and essentially trying to stab him through the computer screen.
Now, there are likely two possibilities that had made this e-mail come about.
One, he is an insane paranoid Korean who somehow learned English (but obviously not very well) and somehow got access to a mailing list with a million people on it, one of those being me.
Or, second, he actually is trying to be killed by Samsung. I usually like to give people the benefit of the doubt, even if they are insane, so I honestly think he is trying to be killed by Samsung because Samsung is involved in crimes and is paying off police to not investigate them. Not only that, but they’re in collusion with Hyundai!
Sounds plausible, right? I certainly think so.
I wouldn’t think it’d be that hard to piss Samsung off, considering you could fart in their plasma television screens and piss into their liquid crystal vats. That’s probably what Oh Minseok did. And Hyundai probably bought a lot of those little LCD screens from Samsung to put into their stupid cars and were none too pleased to see piss ooze out of the screens.
So, whoever this Oh Minseok guy is, I’m sure he’s probably dead because someone he spammed this to tracked him down and sold his location to Samsung. I think the last thing I’d ever do if I were being hunted down by a corporation that ignores the world’s laws and can apparently pay off any police force it feels like would be to post across the whole internet that they are trying to kill me.
Matt Sussman and Matt Cary talking about the Randall Simon incident…
Matt Sussman: but I’ll be frank
Matt Sussman: the person inside the costume should relish this moment
Matt Sussman: because what Randall Simon did just doesn’t cut the mustard
Matt Sussman: and after she fell down… no way could she ketchup
Matt Cary: Oh my gosh, stop youre killing me
Matt Cary: thats so many in a row
Matt Sussman: I think that last joke was the wurst one
Matt Cary: Yeah, that last frank joke wasnt worth a hill of beans.
Matt Sussman: yeah, it made me chili
Matt Sussman: at least I had the onions to keep going
Matt Cary: Yeah, I think now youre just trying to be a hot dog.
Matt Sussman: Thanks. You just brat that to my attention.
Matt Cary: Didnt want you to make yourself look like a weenie.
Matt Sussman: wow. the list of puns we went through is about a foot long
Matt Cary: Baloney.
Matt Sussman: Don’t have a cow.
Four-year-old Johnny was eating a hot dog when he dropped it on the floor.
He quickly picked it up and was about to take another bite when his mom said, “No, Johnny, you can’t eat that now it has germs.”
Johnny pondered the thought a moment and replied, “Jesus, germs, and Santa Claus – that’s all I ever hear about and I haven’t seen one of ’em yet!”
A man asked his wife what she’d like for her birthday.
“I’d love to be six again,” she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day!
He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear — everything there was!
Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonald’s they went, where her husband ordered her a Big Mac along with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie – and hotdogs, popcorn, soda pop, and candy. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed.
He leaned over and lovingly asked, “Well, dear, what was it like being six again?”
She half opened one eye. “You idiot, I meant my dress size.”
Q: How come the hot dog was shivering?
A: It was served with chili beans!
(They’re reel good!)
The Pie-rates of Penzance
The Grape Muppet Caper
The Three Mustardteers
The Cod Father
The Bride of Frank ‘n’ Stein
Cherry-ots of Fire
20,000 Leeks Under the Sea
Q: Which famous president do hot dogs love best?
A: Frank-lin D. Rolls-evelt!
Q: How does a hungry ghost eat a hot dog?
A: By goblin’ it!
Q: How does a hungry man eat a hot dog?
A: With relish!
The following is a menu offered at the Unfriendly Restaurhant and Coffin Shop Moan-U.
A die-ning delight that will lift your spirits!
Boo-gels and Scream Cheese
Ice Scream Floats
Clammy on the Half Shell
Chilllled Tomb-ato Juice
SOUPS AND SALADS
Cream of Asparaghost
Lettuce Alone Salad
Marinated Brussel Shouts
Banana Scream Pie
Key Slime Pie
Hot Sludge Shun-dae
Souther Fright Chicken
Turkey with Grave-y
Breakfast Served from Midnight to 3 A.M. Daily
Ghost Toasties with Evaporated Milk
Scream of Wheat
Terri-fried Eggs — Over Easy
Three-moan-it Soft-booled Eggs
Cust-tomb-ers: We accept Die-ners Club, Monster Card, and American Hex-press Credit Cards
Q: What did the boy say when he saw his dog lying in the sun?
A: “Hot dog!”
Q: What sign did Mr. Katzen put up when he opened a hot dog stand?
A: Katzen Dogs!