I was waiting tables at a country club when an elegantly dressed woman spilled Manhattan clam chowder all over her white linen skirt. She began furiously dabbing at it with a napkin.
Having plenty of experience with getting out food stains, I asked, “Can I bring you some club soda?”
“Young lady,” she barked, “I’ll be the judge of when I’ve had enough to drink. Bring me another martini!”
Q: Where do shellfish gamble?
A: At the Clams Casino.
The following is a menu offered at the Unfriendly Restaurhant and Coffin Shop Moan-U.
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A die-ning delight that will lift your spirits!
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SAND-WITCHES
Boo-loney
Boo-gels and Scream Cheese
Hallow-weenies
Liver-worst
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BOO-VERAGES
Milk Shaaaakes
Ice Scream Floats
Orange Crrrush
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HEX-TRAS
Clammy on the Half Shell
Chilllled Tomb-ato Juice
Deviled Eggs
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SOUPS AND SALADS
L-eeek! Soup
Cream of Asparaghost
Arti-Choke Hearts
Lettuce Alone Salad
Marinated Brussel Shouts
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SIGHED DISHES
Baked Beings
Cre-mated Spinach
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DESS-HURTS
Creep Suzettes
Banana Scream Pie
Sheet Cake
Key Slime Pie
Hot Sludge Shun-dae
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TODAY’S SPE-CHILLS
Spook-ghetti
Souther Fright Chicken
Ghoul-lash
Turkey with Grave-y
Pasta-way
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Breakfast Served from Midnight to 3 A.M. Daily
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CEREALS
Ghost Toasties with Evaporated Milk
Shrouded Wheat
Scream of Wheat
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EGGS
Terri-fried Eggs — Over Easy
Scream-bled Eggs
Three-moan-it Soft-booled Eggs
Stormy-side-up Eggs
Eggs Boonidict
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Cust-tomb-ers: We accept Die-ners Club, Monster Card, and American Hex-press Credit Cards
“oh, this is just clam-tastic”
– The Snorks
Q: Why is toejam served on a toenail considered a delicacy in some countries?
A: Because it resembles a clam on the half-shell.
kuelxme – n. a clam with a large prostetic nose