noaralot – v. to fix a bowl of cereal and then scratch your hairy stomach over it without the forethought that hair might fall into your perfect bowl of cereal
guelmo – v. to eat cereal in the morning, but become so hungry again that since you have absolutely nothing else to eat, you eat cereal again
areqge – v. to drink coffee with your bowl of cereal at 6 P.M.
tucuv – v. to smash someone in the head with a bowl of cereal
oavazadowe – n. cereal that has French Vanilla creamer instead of milk
guisapano – v. to pee in your cereal full of milk and then eat it
Enriched foods are everywhere.
Rarely ever do you see non-enriched foods anymore. I remember a time when Orange Juice didn’t have calcium or when milk was just Vitamin D (naturally) instead of Vitamin A and D. I remember when cereal didn’t have 800 nutritious vitamins and minerals, which make even the worst cereals that you could possibly eat into the equivalent of supplemental pills.
However, this what they tell us is in the foods we eat. How do WE know for certain those things are in there? Sure, there’s laws, but it doesn’t mean food manufactures ACTUALLY put them in, does it? Who bothers testing each and every random box for those random vitamins and minerals?
And what good does all that crap do for us anyway? It’s all just a ploy — an excuse for them to charge us more, and to accept rolling backpacks as “okay to use.” Damn them.
You know you’re a mom when…
– Your feet stick to grape jelly on the kitchen floor — and you don’t care.
– When the kids are fighting, you threaten to lock them in a room together and not let them out until someone’s bleeding.
– You can’t find your cordless phone, so you ask a friend to call you, and you run around the house madly, following the sound until you locate the phone downstairs in the laundry basket.
– Your idea of a good day is making it through without a child leaking bodily fluids on you.
– Popsicle’s become a food staple.
– Your favorite television show is a cartoon.
– You’re willing to kiss your child’s boo-boo, regardless of what body part it happens to be on.
– You’re so desperate for adult conversation that you spill your guts to the telemarketer that calls and HE hangs up on YOU!
– You buy cereal with marshmallows in it.
– You count the sprinkles on each kid’s cupcake to make sure they’re equal.
– You have time to shave only one leg at a time.
– You hide in the bathroom to be alone.
– Your kid throws up and you catch it.
– You get up at 5:30 AM and you have no time to eat, sleep, drink or go to the bathroom, and yet… you still managed to gain 10 pounds.
The following is a menu offered at the Unfriendly Restaurhant and Coffin Shop Moan-U.
A die-ning delight that will lift your spirits!
Boo-gels and Scream Cheese
Ice Scream Floats
Clammy on the Half Shell
Chilllled Tomb-ato Juice
SOUPS AND SALADS
Cream of Asparaghost
Lettuce Alone Salad
Marinated Brussel Shouts
Banana Scream Pie
Key Slime Pie
Hot Sludge Shun-dae
Souther Fright Chicken
Turkey with Grave-y
Breakfast Served from Midnight to 3 A.M. Daily
Ghost Toasties with Evaporated Milk
Scream of Wheat
Terri-fried Eggs — Over Easy
Three-moan-it Soft-booled Eggs
Cust-tomb-ers: We accept Die-ners Club, Monster Card, and American Hex-press Credit Cards
“Taimi routinely eats Froot Loops and Tang”
– from somewhere around davepoobond’s high school