The Many Ways to Say Boobs

This entry is part 2 of 5 in the series The Many Ways To Say...

# – 5318008, 58008, 8008135, (  .  )(  .  ), (  .  Y  .  )

A – Areolas, (anything that is round), A-Cups

B – Boobs, Boobies, Breasts, Bosom, Bust, Balloons, Bags, B-Cups, Bangers, Bouncers, Baloombas, Bazongas, Bewbs

C – Cans, Chesticles, Chest, Cleavage, Chachas, Cheechees, Chestnuts, C-Cups, Casabas, Creampies, Cupcakes

D – Double D’s, D-Cups

E

F – Funbags, Flat-chest

G – Globes, Girls, Girl nuts

H – Hooters, Honkers, Headlights, Hoohahs

I

J – Jugs, Jubblies, Juicy Fruit, Jumblies

K – Knockers

L – Lady balls, Lady nuts, Ladies, Lady lumps, Lumps

M – Mammary glands, Melons, Milkbags, Milk Factories, Mounds, Mountains, Meatballs, Mangos

N – Nips, Nipples

O – Orbs

P – Pins, Puppies

Q

R – Rack

S – Spheres, Squirters, Set

T – Tits, Tittays, Titties, Teat, Ta-tas, Twins, Teeters, Tweeters, Teets, Tom-Toms

U – Udder

V

W

X

Y

Z

 

WoW Chat #23797: Janesanna -> davepoobond

In World of Warcraft, some gold seller/pet seller person was trying to shovel pets onto me, but I made the conversation into something else.

Janesanna: hey
davepoobond: hi
Janesanna: do you need cheap pet
davepoobond: sure, what are you selling
Janesanna: [Tuskarr Kite] [Rocket Chicken] [Dragon Kite]
Janesanna: [Hippogryph Hatchling]
davepoobond: how much are you selling them for
Janesanna: i sell two pet , for 28K
davepoobond: i dont need any of those anymore, i already have them.
Janesanna: why
Janesanna: 14 sell one pet
Janesanna: do you need ?
Janesanna: To want what you choose
Janesanna: [Tuskarr Kite] [Rocket Chicken] [Dragon Kite]
Janesanna: [Hippogryph Hatchling]
davepoobond: i will buy them for 5k
Janesanna: ….
davepoobond: can i ask you a question?
Janesanna: yeah
davepoobond: are you a girl?
Janesanna: no
Janesanna: im a man
davepoobond: why not?
Janesanna: Have been to Thailand
davepoobond: you have?
Janesanna: im is transvestite
Janesanna: hah
davepoobond: oh, really? do you have boobs?
Janesanna: yeah
davepoobond: how big are they?
Janesanna: When bored, I can touch myself]
Janesanna: 36D
davepoobond: wow that is big
Janesanna: So I like to touch yourself
Janesanna: Do you want to go to Thailand
davepoobond: where do you live????
Janesanna: California region]
davepoobond: california in Thailand?
Janesanna: usa california
davepoobond: oh wow, where is that? I live in Thailand
Janesanna: you and me teh same
Janesanna: the same
davepoobond: how the same?
Janesanna: gender
davepoobond: no, i don’t have boobs. i want them, though
Janesanna: You buy a pet, I send photos to you]
davepoobond: are you hot?
Janesanna: The wet
davepoobond: is it raining?
Janesanna: pa pa pa
davepoobond: do you like pizza?
Janesanna: no
Janesanna: I like sausages
davepoobond: lol does that mean what i think it means
Janesanna: hmm
Janesanna: I’m off to sleep
davepoobond: ok have a good night. talk to you later

 

“Katy Perry – Dark Horse” Breakdown

This entry is part 13 of 13 in the series Dave's Breakdown

To continue on the earlier thought that practically every song Katy Perry sings is about Katy Perry taking it from a very large penis in some shape or form, her recent single “Dark Horse” is also about a big penis slapping the shit out of her ovaries.   In this edition of Dave’s Breakdown, we’ll go over the lyrics of this song with a fine toothed-comb.

[Juicy J:]
“Yeah / Ya’ll know what it is / Katy Perry / Juicy J, aha. / Let’s rage”

Okay this part is your normal introduction of the “guest” singer in a song.  So we have it established that this guy “Juicy J” is the object of Katy Perry’s lower abdominal discomfort.  As his name implies, he probably has a very large, juicy penis.  Or at least, that’s what we’re supposed to believe.

[Katy Perry:]
“I knew you were / You were gonna come to me”

Well, you can’t get more blunt than this.  This guy is “cumming” to her!

“And here you are / But you better choose carefully”

Choosing what, you might ask?  I’m guessing anal or vagina.  You have to choose carefully because if you go anal you can’t go vagina unless you trade out the condom because then there will be shit on the condom and putting shit into a vagina isn’t nice for anyone.

“‘Cause I, I’m capable of anything / Of anything and everything”

She’s open to every position you can think of, and she is very flexible.

“Make me your Aphrodite / Make me your one and only / But don’t make me your enemy, your enemy, your enemy”

Something about not being open to threesomes.

“So you wanna play with magic / Boy, you should know what you’re falling for”

Play with “magic” being semen swirling inside of her vagina.  Falling, because when she squirts, she squirts with such force she’ll make you fall backwards.

“Baby do you dare to do this?”

It is pretty dangerous because her vagina/ass is very tight.

“Cause I’m coming at you like a dark horse”

Now, here it is.  She is riding the “you” in the song like a horse, but a dark one.  Because you didn’t expect her to be so easily fuckable.

“Are you ready for, ready for / A perfect storm, perfect storm”

She’s so perfect in bed, the sheets will wrap up like a tornado or something, and you can’t get out until you rip a tendon.

“Cause once you’re mine, once you’re mine / There’s no going back”

Once you decide to go steady with her, anal is off the table.

“Mark my words / This love will make you levitate”

Your semen is going to “levitate” cause you’re going to be laying down while she’s riding you like a (dark) horse.

“Like a bird / Like a bird without a cage / But down to earth / If you choose to walk away, don’t walk away”

You can’t leave until you make her squawk like a bird.

“It’s in the palm of your hand now baby / It’s a yes or no, no maybe / So just be sure before you give it all to me / All to me, give it all to me”

Katy Perry’s ovaries are in your hands and you have to put them back inside her vagina, fertilized.

[Juicy J – Rap Verse:]
“Uh / She’s a beast / I call her Karma (come back) / She eats your heart out / Like Jeffrey Dahmer (woo) / Be careful / Try not to lead her on / Shorty’s heart is on steroids / Cause her love is so strong / You may fall in love / When you meet her / If you get the chance you better keep her / She’s sweet as pie but if you break her heart / She’ll turn cold as a freezer / That fairy tale ending with a knight in shining armor / She can be my Sleeping Beauty / I’m gon’ put her in a coma / Woo!”

Translation:  Wear a condom or you’re fucked in more ways than one.  Knight in shining “armor” indeed…

“Damn I think I love her / Shorty so bad, I’m sprung and I don’t care”

Not even trying to hide that this part is about a penis.

“She ride me like a roller coaster / Turned the bedroom into a fair (a fair!)”

Usually roller coasters come with lots of safety precautions, but once you’re set up, its going to be up and down, up and down, up and down, and possibly barfing at the end because of all the nausea/gagging.  There will also be lots of gross food and cotton candy pubic hair.

“Her love is like a drug / I was tryna hit it and quit it / But lil’ mama so dope / I messed around and got addicted”

Funny how they use a word that has the word “dick” in it at the end of this verse.

In conclusion, Katy Perry has big boobs, but now her songs are more about being exclusive to one person and getting only one person to fuck her brains out in a consistent relationship rather than as a fleeting one night stand like in her song “Firework.”

 

Marmafluke, Where Are You?

(Marmafluke is a dog and speaks perfect English with a British accent and walks on two legs.  SLAGGY is Marmafluke’s best friend.  CRED, FELMA, and DAFTKNEE are his others.)

(Marmafluke sings the theme song in a Shakespearean manner:)

Marma-Marmafluke!
Where are you?
We’ve got some tea and crumpets
For you now…

Marma-Marmafluke!
Where are you?
We’ve got some weed
To do now!

We’ve got some mysteries to solve,
So, Marmafluke…
Be ready, you big ass
GREAT DANE
and don’t fucking be bisexual.

(A bunch of sweaty people run in and start freak dancing)

TITLE CARD: The Case of the Spiral Notebook

SLAGGY (voice over)
Today, Marmafluke meets Sonny and Cher!

(Fade out.  Fade in with Marmafluke and Slaggy drinking tea and eating crumpets.)

SLAGGY
So I says to Looby, “Let’s make like a spider and BUG OUTTA HERE!”

(Slaggy starts laughing hysterically.)
(Marmafluke is sitting with his legs crossed and he takes a sip of tea, seemingly unamused)

MARMAFLUKE
Hmm… yes… humorous…

(Marmafluke looks to the right, not laughing at all)
(Audience laughs, and as they drown out, you can hear one of them scream something)

AUDIENCE MEMBER 426
Marmafluke has a massive dong!

MARMAFLUKE
Now, that is totally uncalled for!

SLAGGY
He’s right, though, it’s almost touching the floor.

(Marmafluke throws his tea to the floor and dumps his tray of crumpets on Slaggy gathering up his dog dong, hiding it in his lap)

MARMAFLUKE
Well, it’s not my fault…!

(Marmafluke glares at the camera)

MARMAFLUKE
Can’t you go SOMEWHERE ELSE!?

(Scene cuts to DAFTKNEE and FELMA digging in the ground.  They’re really dirty and sweaty.  Their boobs are knocking around and its pretty hot, actually, both literally and figuratively.)
(CRED is sitting on a chair drinking some lemonade under an umbrella)

DAFTKNEE
CRED!  Why are WE doing all the work?

FELMA
Cred, this isn’t very fair.

CRED
My ascot is on too tight.  You know I can’t shovel out
large amount of dirt, because I’ll pass out.

(The real reason is that Cred is looking at Daftknee and Felma’s bodily features and measuring them mentally… he was way off, though)
(Cred writes something in his notebook, saying it quietly aloud, as well)

CRED
Felma — Double D…

FELMA
WHAT!?!?

CRED
Oh!  Nothing!

(Fred closes his notebook)
(The scene cuts to a bathroom door, and there’s some grunting sounds in there)
(Slaggy is waiting next to the door, and looks at his wrist, as if there was a watch there, but there isn’t.)

SLAGGY
Come on, Marmafluke!
You’ve been in there for at least half an hour!
Looby never would make me wait
outside when he does his business.

(Little did he know, Looby’s business was jacking off)

(There’s a zipping sound behind the door, and Marmafluke walks outside wearing pants and shoes.  There’s a huge lump and a line trailing down his right pant leg.)

MARMAFLUKE
Well, now that certain piece of indecency has
been taken care of, shall we check on the other 3?

(cut to Cred, Daftknee, and Felma)

DEFTKNEE
I’m too tired to dig anymore.

CRED
Just think of what Looby would say if
he knew you were giving up on him.

(the camera cuts to a tombstone that reads:)

Here Lies Looby,
Not one brand, but three killed him.

(the camera cuts again and Felma is dragging Looby’s dead body toward the hole)

FELMA
I think it’s deep enough Deftknee.

(Felma lobs Looby into the grave and it lands on Daftknee)

DAFTKNEE
Oh shit!

(Daftknee falls down and Looby is on top of her.  3 types of lubricant drained/evacuated from Looby’s orifices.  Some is draining out of his nose, too.  It was a gruesome death for poor Looby)
(Daftknee is squealing like a pig under Looby)
(in the next spot, Cher is in front of Sonny’s grave)

CHER
Would you mind keeping it down in there?
Aren’t you — DO YOU BELIEVE — supposed to be
dead when you’re — IN LOVE!!? — in a grave??

FELMA
Wow!  It’s Sonny and Cher!

CHER
Sonny is dead.

CRED
That’s funny Cher, we all know that isn’t true.

CHER
I don’t know — DO YOU BELIEVE! – what you’re talking about.

(Cut to Slaggy and Marmafluke walking toward The History Machine)

MARMAFLUKE
I think I’ll drive, you had a little too much…
green tea…

(Slaggy is smoking a joint)

SLAGGY
I really have no idea what you’re talking about.
It was only 5 cups!

MARMAFLUKE
Right… shall we?

(Slaggy and Marmafluke drive over to the cemetery)

CHER
SUNNY IS — IN LOVE! — DEAD!!

FELMA
Sunny is in love?

CHER
NO!  He’s in the — AFTER LIFE!!

DAFTKNEE

(Daftknee is somehow out of the grave and finished shoveling the dirt into the grave)

MARMAFLUKE
Ah, I see you’ve finished unceremoniously burying my brother.

DAFTKNEE
Rest in piece, you piece of shit.

(Daftknee spits on his grave, but due to a sudden jet stream it lands on Sonny’s grave)

CHER
You — DO YOU BELIEVE! — BITCH!!!

(Cher and Daftknee get into a cat fight)

CRED
Oh baby!

(Cred writes into his notebook)

CRED (mouthing quietly)
Daftknee — purple underwear…

(Daftknee and Cher stop fighting for a second)

DAFTKNEE
WHAT the HELL!?

(Daftknee gets slapped hard, and she starts fighting with Cher again)
(Meanwhile, the spit on Sunny’s grave starts glowing)

MARMAFLUKE
My God!  You didn’t spit on a dead man’s grave, did you!?

DAFTKNEE
So what if I did!?

(Sonny pops out of the grave)

SONNY
Hey guys!  I’m alive!

MARMAFLUKE
Bloody hell!  A ZOMBIE!!

(Everyone screams then runs away.  Cred drops his notebook, and Marmafluke happens to trip over it.  Marmafluke grabs the notebook and runs away again)

SONNY
Where’d everybody go?  Hey, wait!

(Stupid music plays as Sonny is chasing everyone around, and somehow they’re in a place with millions of doors and are going in one and coming out the other over and over.  A few times, two of them come out of different doors, etc etc)
(Daftknee and Marmafluke find a closet)

MARMAFLUKE
Daftknee!  Look what I found!

(Daftknee takes the book from Marmafluke and opens it)

DAFTKNEE
This is Cred’s!  I wonder what he was writing in here…

(The notebook stated the following:)

DAFTKNEE
C-cup
Purple underwear
10 inch-wide ass

FELMA
DD-cup
No underwear
Nice skirt
Allows anal sex

MY MOM
Experienced
Can have threesome w/Slaggy
Gives good BJs

MARMAFLUKE
British accent (hot!)
Extremely large dong

(Daftknee and Marmafluke look at each other after reading it)

DAFTKNEE
Oh my God!  That PERV!
He didn’t even get any of this information right!
I am TOTALLY into anal sex.

(Daftknee looks weird at Marmafluke)

MARMAFLUKE
Well, I can’t help it if I’m the object of everyone’s desire…

(Daftknee eyes Marmafluke’s pants)(Scene cuts to the castle with a million doors)
(Daftknee bursts out of a closet with a shotgun)

DAFTKNEE
Cred!  YOU’RE DEAD!

(Cred stops chasing Felma trying to grab her ass just as she runs into another door.  He looks over to Daftknee)

CRED
Oh, shit.  She found the notebook.

(Cred jumps into the air and runs away with Daftknee chasing after him)(Sonny and Cher have been making out the whole time.  Not by normal kissing, but Eskimo kissing.  Their noses are practically falling off)

CHER
I love — IN LOVE! — you.

(Then they both get shot from stray fire from Daftknee’s shotgun)
(Cred jumps on top of them and then jumps away, running again)

CHER
I’m going to the — AFTER LIFE!! — light!

SONNY
Me too, again…

MARMAFLUKE
Man, you wankers sure are annoying.

(End)

 

#23110: condemnedgirly705 -> davepoobond

condemnedgirly705: Was up there…

davepoobond: oh hai how r u

condemnedgirly705: Hey 🙂 do we know each other?

davepoobond: idk do we????

condemnedgirly705: lol its ok I was just looking for someone to chat with and it said you were online, I hope you don’t mind chatting with a bored single 23/f ? 🙂

davepoobond: oh really??????

condemnedgirly705: mmmhmmm <3

davepoobond: do you like to go to the park???

condemnedgirly705: yea and i’ll do whatever you want me to do…

davepoobond: like what???

condemnedgirly705: so..What kinda girls you in to? Are you in to BIG TITS or a BIG BOOTY? ;)~

davepoobond: what is that???

condemnedgirly705: lol.. I have a lot of both!! 😉 I have some free time now my roommate went out…I guess I love to tease 😉 Wanna see? its up to u…im in the mood lol

davepoobond: you are making no sense?!??!?!

condemnedgirly705: Ok… let me set my cam up and I’ll show u my booty shaking skillz ..tell me if u like it ok ? LOL.. brb

davepoobond: u r crzy

condemnedgirly705: Ok, click here and it will bring u to my private 1on1 chat..There’s a few pix of me in there, click the “Accept Invite” to the left, then register and it’ll take you straight to my webcam, I’m there now.. 😉

 

WoW Chat #23103: davepoobond -> Amyrista

In Trade Chat, Amyrista was trying to sell a mount…

[2] [Amyrista]: WTS Obsidian nightwing 10k!

davepoobond: what does it look like

Amyrista: can’t u look at it on google? 😉

davepoobond: what does it look like

Amyrista: come to me u can see it

Amyrista: it just besides me

Amyrista: see it ?

davepoobond: i cant find u

Amyrista: the sw city

davepoobond: i like ur hair

Amyrista: hi

Amyrista: nice to meet u here

davepoobond: lol u r so nice

Amyrista: hehe thx dear

Amyrista: so do u like this mount and get one ?

davepoobond: lol how does it fly

Amyrista: yes it can fly!

Amyrista: u can carry friends too

Amyrista: u can turn in to it and carry friend 🙂

davepoobond: like u? u r my friend right

Amyrista: yes 😀 i would like that

davepoobond: r u a girl in real life

Amyrista: u can buy one and carry me hehe i’s like ride on your back

Amyrista: yes i am 24 years old girl

davepoobond: is ur hair pretty in real life too

Amyrista: hehe my hairl like this in real life

Amyrista: dear do u want get one nightwing ?

davepoobond: can i ask u a question

I get a whisper from Cytoplasm, randomly…

Cytoplasm: If you are hesitant about buying the mount, dont be : ).. I just bought one for my brother (Heisenberg) about an hour ago… Amyrista is awesome!

Amyrista: hehe see it is flying

Amyrista: yes

davepoobond: do u like me

I get another whisper from Cytoplasm…

Cytoplasm: 10k is an amazing deal for this mount. I love it!

Amyrista: um..i dont know u much but if i know u more i think u will be a good guy to talk with

davepoobond: what if i told u i am a boy that is a girl

Amyrista: u are a boy right

Amyrista: that’s nice ,coz i am a girl

davepoobond: i am a girl inside, on the outside i am a boy

davepoobond: can i ask u a question

Amyrista: hun …i wanna know if u like this mount and get it with 10k ? u can pay me 5k first and after u got it pay me another 5k

Amyrista: 🙂 ok

davepoobond: how big r ur boobs

davepoobond: i want to get some, but i dont know how big

davepoobond: do u know???

I get another whisper from Cytoplasm…

Cytoplasm: If you have the 10k to spare you should buy the nightwing mount. Its a good deal : )

davepoobond: who r u

Amyrista: not for sure ,not small lol

Amyrista: but let me ask u a question :0

Amyrista: do u want the nightwing

davepoobond: what is a that

Amyrista: just the mount u see~!

davepoobond: lol

Amyrista: black mount with wings

Amyrista: hehe so ?

Amyrista: so u like to get one

Amyrista: ?

davepoobond: what

Amyrista: if u want to buy a nightwing with 10k from me ?:D

davepoobond: do u have a boyfriend

davepoobond: ?

 

Quote #22696

(This girl’s profile picture is literally just her huge cleavage)

“Sex sex sex what else would i want out of this site? People who say want a relationship are fakes and flakes on here. All they want is ****. If you can prove me wrong on what i just said then cool. So with that said… Dont waste my time and be straight forward on what you want. Im done being the nice girl… Im ready to be kinky and naughty!!!!!

white boy is a must! No Hispanics specially no black guys.. Sorry just not my type. And no Asians!!! 1000% White caucasians and disease free!!!!”

– from a girl’s dating profile

 

Girls on Dating Sites

This entry is part 9 of 13 in the series Dave's Breakdown

I sometimes scour the internet for all things hilarious.

More recently, that includes dating sites — especially for choice quotes.  My God, what a treasure trove I have stumbled upon — and I only look at the girl’s profiles.  I have yet to even try to look at what guys say and do on sites like Plenty of Fish, OKCupid, etc.  However, having a decent exposure to these web sites and the people that tend to be on them, I have formulated theories about what these girls actually say (or do) on them.

A lot of times, they just say the same things.  I think we can establish that there’s a few things that girls say or do on dating sites that is either really telling or just doesn’t need to be mentioned on their profiles.  And you would think that guys would be bad — yeah, well girls are bad too!

– The girl is “Looking to have fun.”

She is looking to have sex.

– Her profile is blank and only has pictures.

She is looking to have sex, and pretty much just relying on her “sexy” pictures to get guys to message her.  Never mind having a personality or even beating around the bush — she just wants her bush to get beaten directly.  And have as very little effort as possible in doing so.

This also covers people who basically make no statement of who they are/what they do/anything that would actually make you be interested in who they are as a person.  It’s great if you’re “friendly” but I have no idea what that tells me about you.

– “I don’t have time to fill this out right now.”

I don’t see how anyone cares that you need to state that you don’t have time to fill this out “right now.”  It just shows their lack of effort, especially since they never seem to update their profile to remove the statement.  There really is just no point in having the statement at all — if they omitted it, nothing would be lost.  I don’t care you didn’t have time to fill it out a month ago when you established your profile — what’s happened to the time since then?  “Right now” seems like a very long time.

– She has a picture of her leaning down with her boobs/ass hanging out.

She is probably looking for sex, or to “reel you in” with her main picture so that you can click on her profile.  You can’t really see her face, all you see is boob, and that’s what gets guys to click it.  Then you realize the horrible truth that she’s unattractive 9 times out of 10.  The same goes for any other “provocative” shots they might have uploaded.

– Boobs, boobs, and more boobs.

Nothing screams out to me “I’m trashy” more than when girls have 8 pictures of themselves on their profile squeezing/positioning their boobs in such a way that misappropriates their actual size/shape and makes them more “sexually pleasing.”  The best thing about it is that they say “I’m looking for a man that likes me for me” (or some broken English variant of that) and they accompany that forlorn statement with trashy boob pictures.  Have we found a dichotomy?  I think so.

– Self-camera shots.

Hardly a “dating site” problem, but the overwhelming majority of pictures seem to be a “hey look at what kind of camera I have” mirror shot.  And most have cleavage anyway.

– Girls that complain about “guys that are shirtless”

The only reason a girl complains about seeing a guy shirtless is because they don’t appeal to them.  They say it anyway because most of the guys they look at are probably fooling them just like their boobs are fooling guys just as badly.  We all know that they actually like looking at topless dudes as long as they are hot, despite what they say.

– Pictures with friends

It’s nice to see that girls have friends, I guess.  What can be annoying is when there’s a group of her friends (how nice that she has friends), but apparently she doesn’t deem it necessary to say “Hey, I’m that one.”  I guess the intent here is to confuse people looking at their profile into thinking they are actually the “hotter” one when in reality they might not (aka aren’t) be.

– Pictures with “other guys”

I don’t know what they’re trying to prove by putting up pictures of them with “other guys.”  I think they’re trying to say something like “hey, I can get any guy I want” but in reality they don’t seem like they can.  At the very least it would carefully off-put at least some of the people that look at their pictures for whatever reason they might have.  If they’re going to put up pictures of them on a dating site with other dudes they might as well date that guy before trying their luck on a dating site.

– They say they are sarcastic, but don’t seem to understand what that means.

A lot of girls like to say they are sarcastic or like sarcasm.  But they do little to demonstrate that they actually know what it means or how they are supposedly “sarcastic” all the time.  Obviously there are some that know what it is, means, and can actually be described as such.  But most aren’t.

– They are a “nerd.”

Everyone is a damn nerd.  No, you are not a nerd because you have a laptop and are studying for a test.  In fact, many of the people who say they ARE nerds, list nothing that actually qualify as such.  Very seldom do you see anyone actually say they “are” a nerd when they actually are one.

– Horrendous spelling.

I’m sure guys are just as bad, but how can I possibly love anyone that leaves out random letters from the beautiful language we call English?  This is just one example of the travesty you can find:

“u r probably wonder why i dont look prettier like thee other girls tlk to but jus to tell u unlike most of the girls i got things going for myself nd GOD made me to b the way i am for my future so begore u start meassing me sayin im not ya type or im ugly save both of our time and do us both a fav and dont message me with tht bs!!”

Case in point.  Or should I say… cse n pnt

– That’s proooooobably a tranny…

A lot of times you might find a girl that… looks a little bit off.  Sometimes they go right out and say “I am transgendered/transsexual” or “I am NOT a tranny.”  I suppose I feel sorry for the latter, being that people THINK they are transsexual and ask them repeatedly enough that it has to be listed on the profile.

– Overweight is the new “thin.”

This doesn’t happen a whole lot, but there’s a certain segment of crazies out there that like to lie about their body type.  I mean, really?  I can see your picture.  You are not thin or “average” — you are at the very least “overweight” or “few extra pounds.”  Don’t try to pass yourself off as Average body type when you are obviously not.  I suppose I can be lenient and say that since most people nowadays are overweight, you could be classified as “average.”  However, there are a couple of cases where that is really just not the case.

– They complain about getting a lot of messages… but then they want you to write a paragraph in your message to them.

I get that girls probably get tons of messages from guys, especially if they are seemingly-attractive.  It sort of seems counter-productive that they complain about getting tons of these messages, but want you to “say something more than ‘hi’.”  However, this is a double-edged sword — I’m sure all of the people that they would actually want writing “more than hi” to them don’t need to in order to get a response from them.  Not to mention I’m sure that the guys on these sites aren’t very high quality either.

– Awful piercings/tattoos/make-up.

99% of the time when girls have any of the above, they make themselves look terrible.  And then we get close up shots or stupid “pucker face” pictures with their stupid double-cheek piercings.  Not saying that all girls look unattractive with certain piercings/tattoos/make-up, but just that most of them think they look better than they actually do when they show that stuff off.  Most of that stuff will just make me question their sanity.

– “This is my _th time on here”

Sorry it didn’t work out for you before, but that just makes me think you’re either incompatible or you have a propensity to attract weirdos and allow them to meet you or get personal with you to the point you need to delete your profile to get rid of them.

In the end, there’s only one thing that comes from all of the exposure to single, lonely girls looking for companionship/”fun” (aka sex)/friends.  And that is that I become depressed that there are so many stupid people who don’t know how to write, take pictures, or realize that their weird double cheek piercing is not attractive.  There is a genuine sense of sadness when seemingly nice people are looking for their “right one” and don’t seem to have been able to so far, but those are few and far between — considering most dating sites are littered with people I would never want to associate with, let alone letting them know I saw their profile.

 

WoW Chat #22440 davepoobond -> Sandychris

In trade chat, Sandychris is selling expensive mounts and other stuff, so I say to her…

davepoobond: 20k each

Sandychris: sorry only real money.:P

davepoobond: gold is real money

Sandychris: lol i mean$

davepoobond: yeah, $20k

Sandychris: lol

davepoobond: thats what i wanna give you,,,,

Sandychris: sorry i dont wanna ur gold.:P

davepoobond: it is real gold

davepoobond: i just need a down payment to bring th gold into the country

Sandychris: i know, but we dont use it.:P

Sandychris: lol

Sandychris: how?

davepoobond: i need it to pay the customs fees

davepoobond: but i will pay you back with the gold, cause its actual bullion

Sandychris: lol thanks

davepoobond: but i need these mounts

davepoobond: i told you i would pay you real gold money

Sandychris: i told u i only need $.:P

davepoobond: are you a girl

Sandychris: Yeah why

davepoobond: what is your cup size

Sandychris: what?

davepoobond: how big are your breasts

Sandychris: oh god

Sandychris: why do u know?

Sandychris: big enough

davepoobond: i want to know because i like boobs

Sandychris: ewww

davepoobond: what is so ew about that?

davepoobond: do you not like boobs?

Sandychris: lol

Sandychris: are u married?

davepoobond: no

davepoobond: are you?

Sandychris: no

Sandychris: i am younger than u

davepoobond: how old are you?

Sandychris: why dont u get married?

Sandychris: i am younger 10 years old then u.:P

davepoobond: i am trying to find a good woman

Sandychris: Nice

davepoobond: when do you want to get married

Sandychris: maybe 25 or 26.:)

davepoobond: can i ask you a question

Sandychris: sure

davepoobond: do you like butt sex

Sandychris: sure why?

davepoobond: i was just wondering

davepoobond: can i ask you another question

Sandychris: okay

davepoobond: will you marry me

Sandychris: lol

Sandychris: i cant

davepoobond: why not?

davepoobond: you like everything i like

Sandychris: lol

Sandychris: but i am not live in USA

davepoobond: details, my love

Sandychris: i am living in China,lol

davepoobond: that is ok

Sandychris: lol

davepoobond: so, since we are getting married, you will be able to come to usa

Sandychris: lol never

davepoobond: do you like china?

Sandychris: sure

davepoobond: why

Sandychris: do u like USA?

davepoobond: yes

Sandychris: then my answer is same with u

davepoobond: but i am a citizen of the world, i can live anywhere i want to

davepoobond: if you will not come to me, i will go to you

Sandychris: lol

Sandychris: are u a rich person?

davepoobond: yes, i have gold in many countries

Sandychris: lol

davepoobond: how long is your tongue?

Sandychris: lol

davepoobond: hello?

Sandychris: hello

davepoobond: what kind of activities do you like to do in your free time

Sandychris: nothing

davepoobond: do you know nancy?

davepoobond: i havent heard from her for a long time

Sandychris: who is Nancy?

davepoobond: she works in china doing the same thing you do

Sandychris: i dont know here

davepoobond: she got married

Sandychris: her

Sandychris: Yeah

davepoobond: and then another person, named danny said she was dead

Sandychris: lol

Sandychris: which site does she from?

Sandychris: do u know ?

Sandychris: u can contact with her by livechat on her site

davepoobond: i think from susanexpress

Sandychris: lol

Sandychris: did u buy gold or mount before?

davepoobond: no

davepoobond: we were friends

Sandychris: i am not working for susanexpress.:P

davepoobond: i was so happy to hear she was getting married

Sandychris: lol nice

davepoobond: and then a week later someone said she was dead

Sandychris: lol so weird

davepoobond: i think it was because she was dealing drugs

Sandychris: ahh?

davepoobond: opium

Sandychris: horrible

davepoobond: but she was so nice.  she had to sit on a box and type on her computer

Sandychris: why sit on a box?

davepoobond: they did not allow them to have chairs

Sandychris: lol horrilbe

Sandychris: i cant believe

Sandychris: chinese boss is good and cent do like this

davepoobond: what is your favorite movie

Sandychris: why should i tell u?

Sandychris: Forest Gump

Sandychris: do u know?

davepoobond: yes, i know that movie

davepoobond: it is a good movie

davepoobond: what is your favorite part

Sandychris: do u love it ?

davepoobond: yes

Sandychris: every is good

davepoobond: why do you like it

Sandychris: not sure