So Bklynzballer invited Holmes and davepoobond to a chat. This happened on July 7, 2001.
OnlineHost: *** You are in “Bklynzballer37”. ***
Bklynzballer: yo who else is on
OnlineHost: Holmes has entered the room.
Bklynzballer: yo jason i just fucked tracy
davepoobond: are you serious?
Bklynzballer: she just left
Bklynzballer: jason…whoses on?
Holmes: yeah he was tellin me
Holmes: as he was fuckin her
Bklynzballer: the bed is next to the comp
davepoobond: but why would you be on the computer at the same time?
Bklynzballer: because…umm…i want to brag
Bklynzballer: lol….cuz…i f***ed tracy
Bklynzballer: i putting pics on the internet
davepoobond: you are? lemme see
Holmes: me too
Bklynzballer: so jay i didnt see u in school today
davepoobond: dont change the subject. give us pictures
davepoobond: i was having a hangover
davepoobond: LSD really gets you high
Bklynzballer: wait…i broke holmes scanner
Holmes: so does MPV, have you tried MPV
davepoobond: i like, hangedover all through fuckin’ day until like the end of 5th period
davepoobond: by then, it was already too late to go to school
Bklynzballer: yo mike…im calling you holmes for now on
Bklynzballer: cuz my name is holmes
Bklynzballer: i mean mike
Holmes: and i’m calling you dicky if you call me holmes
Bklynzballer: its dicky tracy to me
davepoobond: i get it…Dick…TRACY
Bklynzballer: he gets it ten minutes later
Holmes: so tracy has a dick?
Holmes: eww i didn’t know that
davepoobond: damn dude, i didnt know you were into transvestites
Holmes: last time i bend over infornt of you
davepoobond: do you have pictures or not?
Bklynzballer: i broke holmes scanner
Bklynzballer: i cant scan them….
davepoobond: what about YOUR scanner
Bklynzballer: i broke it
Holmes: scanners don’t like him
Bklynzballer: i broke everything holmes has
Holmes: its true
Bklynzballer: holmes ..tell jay about the johnny knoxville
Holmes: he tried breaking my virginity
davepoobond: damn dude, pay for it then
Bklynzballer: holmes banned me from his house
Holmes: you called slapping a persons ass a hello, what was i suppose to do?
davepoobond: Ben is on
Holmes: oh yeah he is
Holmes: send him in
Holmes: i forgot his sn
Bklynzballer: hmm…maybe ill be his friend
OnlineHost: MyLeftTesticle has entered the room.
Bklynzballer: yo ben…
Bklynzballer: mike here
MyLeftTesticle: Hi Mike
Holmes: so ben, what did i miss 5th period
Holmes: i was sick today
Bklynzballer: i wonder me and ben never really became friends?
Bklynzballer: ::ponders alittle::
davepoobond: hey, did anyone see Jack today?
MyLeftTesticle: I’m not sure.
davepoobond: Jack Meoff?
MyLeftTesticle: I have a lot of friends at school.
MyLeftTesticle: Jack is one of ’em.
Holmes: jack i heard was gay tho, is it true?
Bklynzballer: jacks ok
davepoobond: you sure?
davepoobond: i heard he had a goozak
MyLeftTesticle: Eh, he’s sorta gay. I told him I wasn’t and that if he tried hitting on me that I’d kick his
Bklynzballer: jack speaks fag
MyLeftTesticle: ass and stuff
davepoobond: he told me he humped trees…
Bklynzballer: ben i can fuck you up
Bklynzballer: but i wont
Holmes: i heard someone called jack gay and jack hit him with his purse
MyLeftTesticle: I was there when it happened.
MyLeftTesticle: He had a brick in his purse
Bklynzballer: i beat up jack
MyLeftTesticle: No, you didn’t.
Bklynzballer: yes i did
Bklynzballer: i shot him with my bb gun
Bklynzballer: just kidding
MyLeftTesticle: Yeah, you better be kidding.
Holmes: man you just want to feel jack up bk, thats why you want to beat hi,m up
Bklynzballer: fuck up holmes
Holmes: i was just kidding
Bklynzballer: im just kiddin holmes
MyLeftTesticle: You guys, chill.
Holmes: sure you were, tell that to my broken feelings
MyLeftTesticle: Holmes, are you okay?
Holmes: no…i’m going to go upstairs and fuck up
Bklynzballer: holmes broken feelings im sorry
MyLeftTesticle: Yeah, you better be sorry.
Bklynzballer: lol you do that
davepoobond: how many times did you cornhole Tracy so far?
Bklynzballer: ben mine yo buissness yo
MyLeftTesticle: It is my business.
Holmes: did you pork her good?
Bklynzballer: like a dog
davepoobond: why’d she submit to having Anal sex so fast?
MyLeftTesticle: I got some of the brown once.
MyLeftTesticle: She had a small hole then…
MyLeftTesticle: Now, I bet it’s like all big and loose and stuff.
MyLeftTesticle: It was pretty good stuff.
Holmes: yeah rumour has it she uses corn to get her anal needs
MyLeftTesticle: Heh, I wouldn’t doubt it.
Bklynzballer: so ben i guess wer friends?
MyLeftTesticle: I don’t know. I guess.
MyLeftTesticle: I have a lot of friends.
MyLeftTesticle: You could be one of the many.
MyLeftTesticle: We ever do much together? I can’t remember that well.
Holmes: so ben…what up
Bklynzballer: yo does anyone hav a pic of all 4 of us?
Holmes: i do
davepoobond: why the hell would we have one?
Holmes: but i cut you out
MyLeftTesticle: ‘Cause you don’t like gay people
Bklynzballer: was it wen we had a fight
Bklynzballer: ben fuck off
MyLeftTesticle: No, I’m serious too.
Holmes: boys stop fighting
Bklynzballer: ::reads playboy::
Bklynzballer: yo holmes…dont forget my pb
Holmes: eww dude how can you read a porno mag that has boy in it’s title
MyLeftTesticle: That’s kinda sick.
Bklynzballer: ok….it shows girls..
MyLeftTesticle: You gotta get the mags that have like Swanker in the title. Or something…
Bklynzballer: dude..holmes…you have my playboy magazines
Holmes: yeah but my dog went all over them
Holmes: soaking wet
Bklynzballer: ther ures now
Holmes: hey i don’t want your “boy” porno
Bklynzballer: ashley is a big bitch
MyLeftTesticle: No she’s not.
Bklynzballer: thats why you borrowed it
Holmes: shut up!
Holmes: don’t you remeber ben likes her
Bklynzballer: my bad…
MyLeftTesticle: Yeah, your bad alright.
Bklynzballer: but dam..she has pimples…no fence
MyLeftTesticle: You better start thinking before you talk.
Holmes: ben whoops his ass
davepoobond: how big are Tracy’s boobies?
Bklynzballer: ben….fuckin mind ure dam buissness
Holmes: size? like n or m?
MyLeftTesticle: Actually, back when I cornholed her, she had small ones.
davepoobond: i’m not ben
davepoobond: i’m Jason, remember?
Bklynzballer: im reffering to jimmy
MyLeftTesticle: And hey, this is my business. So, chill man.
Holmes: so she has a N cup
davepoobond: whos Jimmy?
MyLeftTesticle: That’s my SN
Holmes: his name is ben
MyLeftTesticle: Yeah, duh.
MyLeftTesticle: Need a cough drop?
davepoobond: ::stuffs a broom down mike’s neck::
Bklynzballer: mike can i cumova?
MyLeftTesticle: Yuck, dude.
Holmes: YOU SICK BASTARD
MyLeftTesticle: Why do you want to cum over?
Holmes: yeah you can COME over
Bklynzballer: yo holmes let do another jackass
Holmes: but the second you unzip your pants i’m out
Bklynzballer: fuck u talkin bout
MyLeftTesticle: Hey, can I come over too?
MyLeftTesticle: I want to do another Jackass too.
Holmes: well your talking about doing some guy named jacks ass
Bklynzballer: ben u did jackass?
MyLeftTesticle: Not jacking off in your ass though.
MyLeftTesticle: Yeah, I did it once.
davepoobond: dont forget to put it back in your pants after you used it though
Bklynzballer: i did too
MyLeftTesticle: Jackass is fun.
Bklynzballer: ben what college u goin too?
MyLeftTesticle: What kinda question is that?
MyLeftTesticle: No, you answer my question.
davepoobond: i’m going to NYU
Holmes: i’m gonna ta NOYB
Bklynzballer: im thinking off going to nyu cal state or ucla
davepoobond: umm…on second thought
davepoobond: i’m going to pepperdine
MyLeftTesticle: Yeah, UCLA is the place to be.
Holmes: how about UCONN
MyLeftTesticle: Yeah, UCONN sounds nice.
Holmes: or ASSHO?
MyLeftTesticle: Oh that sounds even better.
Bklynzballer: or unc
Holmes: UNC! WHATS WRONG WITH YOU DUDE
MyLeftTesticle: Yeah, I know, right.
Holmes: seriously i’m disowning you as my bitch
Bklynzballer: dude …they have like the best college basketball team
davepoobond: i’m gonna drown Tracy, can i do that?
Holmes: hey ben you can have this bitch for 5 dollars
MyLeftTesticle: You’re going because of BASKETBALL?!
MyLeftTesticle: I don’t want him.
MyLeftTesticle: Keep him.
Bklynzballer: ill help
MyLeftTesticle: B-ball is the worst sport in the world.
Bklynzballer: is anyone on?
MyLeftTesticle: I hate it now since the Lakers lost last nihgt.
davepoobond: not on my buddy list
Bklynzballer: cuz you suck at it
MyLeftTesticle: I’m a good point gaurd
Bklynzballer: lakers are gunna win
Holmes: no now there not going to win
Holmes: cause you wished them luck
Holmes: thansk alot
davepoobond: Kobe is gay
Holmes: i had $50 on the game
MyLeftTesticle: The Lakers lost so bad last night.
Bklynzballer: fuck off mike
MyLeftTesticle: Tisk, tisk, tisk.
Bklynzballer: there tellin koybe not to pass the ball
MyLeftTesticle: Bad bitch.
MyLeftTesticle: Well, he sucks.
MyLeftTesticle: Shaq all the way!
Bklynzballer: rick fox is good
Bklynzballer: and fisher
davepoobond: rick fox is a bastard
davepoobond: fisher should just fish
Holmes: i’ve been dissed by a bitch
davepoobond: i know the lakers personally
MyLeftTesticle: Well, basket ball sucks now.
Bklynzballer: that bitch must be tracy
davepoobond: hey, whats Tracy’s sn?
MyLeftTesticle: What is it?
Holmes: i got that bitch firday night
MyLeftTesticle: I had it somewhere, but I lost it.
Holmes: i called !
davepoobond: MIKE! WHATS TRACY’S SN? i wanna see if shes on
Bklynzballer: dude…she wont be on shes sore
davepoobond: whats it matter
Holmes: of what? a toothpick porking her?
Bklynzballer: dude..was that you?
davepoobond: was that who?
Bklynzballer: cuz wen i went to the bathroom she said it felt like a tootth pick was porking her
Holmes: yeh…i snook into yhour house and porked her
Holmes: then snook out
davepoobond: i had a few shots at her too
Bklynzballer: with a tooth pick
MyLeftTesticle: I did, once.
Holmes: without a trace
Bklynzballer: there was a trace of toothpicks
davepoobond: dude. seriously. give me a picture, or her sn.
davepoobond: why not
Bklynzballer: wen the site is open
davepoobond: when will that be?
Bklynzballer: in about 2 weeks
Bklynzballer: i dumped tracy
MyLeftTesticle: Dude, so she’s available?
Holmes: what was that
davepoobond: you cornholed her twice then dumped her?
Bklynzballer: she was begginning to get slutty
Holmes: a wam-bam-thank you ma’am?
MyLeftTesticle: I just want her to suck me off.
Bklynzballer: yup…thats the way
davepoobond: give me the site when you get it up
MyLeftTesticle: No, a wam-wam-bam-thank-you-ma’am.
Holmes: you can’t add 2 wams
MyLeftTesticle: Oh, you can’t?
Holmes: i mean a tooth pick can only handle so much
Bklynzballer: no a wam-wam-wam-wam-bam-bam-bam-thankkkkkkk you man
Bklynzballer: thats you holmes
MyLeftTesticle: Um…It’s a little bit longer than that, dude.
Bklynzballer: meant mam
MyLeftTesticle: You have bad grammar.
davepoobond: you’re a sick mother fucker. you just said you fucked a squirrel?
Bklynzballer: so ben you like ashley?
davepoobond: wamwamwam means “squirrel”
Bklynzballer: no thats a squirrel
Holmes: what a coicidence! my pet squirrel is named tracy
Holmes: and shes missing!
Bklynzballer: so was mine
Bklynzballer: wait…shes missing
davepoobond: cuz u dumped her
Holmes: ew dude./..how could you…
Holmes: my own squirrel
Bklynzballer: well…like you said holmes…she was being a bitch
davepoobond: send her over to my house then
Holmes: true she was talkin about nuts
davepoobond: i’ll knock the bitch outta her
Bklynzballer: well i shaved the hair off her
Bklynzballer: if thats what you mean
davepoobond: that must’ve been……fun….
Bklynzballer: she doesnt clEAN IT
Bklynzballer: i had a mask over me
Bklynzballer: but then…she asked me to clean her
Bklynzballer: and i said …well…if you let me clean you coochie
Bklynzballer: she said
Bklynzballer: ::so we were cleaning::
MyLeftTesticle: Dude, that’s just sick now.
MyLeftTesticle: Shut up.
Holmes: coochie coochie goo
davepoobond: tell me more
Bklynzballer: after we had sex i lighted a ciggarrette
davepoobond: dude. why do you smoke?
Holmes: marlboro or kool?
davepoobond: you just smell funny
Bklynzballer: its fun after sex
davepoobond: whats so fun about smoking? you just breathe
Holmes: lights or menthol or shit-tasting
Bklynzballer: breathe hard
MyLeftTesticle: Smoking isn’t cool…Unless it’s weed!
Bklynzballer: i was playing
Holmes: the wacky-tobaccy
MyLeftTesticle: Hey Holmes, you gonna bring that ten tomorrow?
Bklynzballer: u know like in movies after sex they smoke
Holmes: damn straight
davepoobond: movies are stupid
davepoobond: and those are from the 1980s
Bklynzballer: holmes you got weed?
MyLeftTesticle: Cool. You gonna bring your pipe too?
davepoobond: like in Twins
davepoobond: with Arnold Schwarzenegger
MyLeftTesticle: Yeah, Holmes grows it in his backyard
Bklynzballer: DAM…pass some down
Holmes: i just got a new bong, we have to try it out!
MyLeftTesticle: What kinda bong?
davepoobond: dude. i have a bong that 5 people can use at the same time
Holmes: it’s for 5 people
davepoobond: and it can use a pound of weed at the same time
MyLeftTesticle: No freakin’ way!
davepoobond: if you really stuff it in, it gets up to 1 pound and a half
MyLeftTesticle: A POUND of weed?!
Holmes: i also have Half Baked on tape!
Holmes: A POUND!
davepoobond: yeah, i’m the bong making master
Holmes: i have an acre!
Holmes: right in my back yard
davepoobond: yeah, holmes supplies me
MyLeftTesticle: Dude, your yard isn’t that big you dolt.
davepoobond: and i get 5 people high each shot
MyLeftTesticle: Holmes supplies the whole damn school.
davepoobond: and they pay me for it too
Bklynzballer: ok…ill bring the drinks
Bklynzballer: house um..koolaid?
Holmes: they call me Hash wit da stash
davepoobond: koolaid sucks
davepoobond: put some LSD in it, and we’ll call it a deal
Holmes: how about kool aid with WEED
MyLeftTesticle: Hash. I remember that from back in the day…
Bklynzballer: holmes stash me
Holmes: you got the doh
MyLeftTesticle: I have 20 bucks.
Bklynzballer: holmes remeber wen we first smoked weed
Bklynzballer: i dont either
MyLeftTesticle: You tend not remember a lot when you smoke weed.
MyLeftTesticle: But, you two didn’t smoke weed together for the first time.
Holmes: some people smoke themselves retarded and make up stories of smoking weed with friends
MyLeftTesticle: Me and Holmes were at a rave and we got so F-ed up it was awesome.
MyLeftTesticle: It was our first time too.
Holmes: yeah i couldn’t walk afterwards
MyLeftTesticle: Same here
davepoobond: i was at that rave
MyLeftTesticle: I was like “What’s goin’ on? I can’t feel my legs!”
davepoobond: i got a blow from 3 hot chicks, the same night
Holmes: thats where we met james
Bklynzballer: i was there
Holmes: you weren’t
Holmes: cause you wouldn’t have remebered
MyLeftTesticle: No, this was what, in Arizona?
Holmes: who cares
MyLeftTesticle: The rave was in AZ, right?
Holmes: i don’t remeber
MyLeftTesticle: Eh, me either.
Bklynzballer: we got to hav anotha rave
Bklynzballer: man…wen i first had weed
MyLeftTesticle: The first time was a week ago, right?
Bklynzballer: i went to the park and i was like telling everyone your my dad and mom
MyLeftTesticle: You just want to act all cool in front of us.
Holmes: what kind was it? Northern lights or AK-47?
Bklynzballer: ak-47 is a gun
davepoobond: same thing
Holmes: it is?
davepoobond: an AK-47 is actually a type of Bong i made
davepoobond: its special
Holmes: oh i get it it’s a gun that can “shot you up” with being high
davepoobond: it has 47 places to smoke weed
davepoobond: but, unfortunately it only has 1 ounce capacity
MyLeftTesticle: That sucks.
davepoobond: because you have to drill a hole in the table
davepoobond: so that all the people can put their mouths on it
Holmes: remeber bk when you got all drunk?
Holmes: well i don’t
Holmes: what time was that
Bklynzballer: i was drunk
Holmes: dude now your turning gay
MyLeftTesticle: Yeah, gay.
MyLeftTesticle: So, bring the weed tomorrow, okay Holmes?
Holmes: we’ll smoke till we choke
Bklynzballer: holmes wer u bringin the weed
Holmes: what are you?
Holmes: a cop?
Holmes: going to tell on me
MyLeftTesticle: Heh, don’t tell dude.
MyLeftTesticle: I’ll have to get my gang on your ass.
Holmes: be like “oh holmes is doing marijuana and it’s bad for you”
Holmes: we’ll do it by the river
MyLeftTesticle: I’m in the Neo West Side gang.
Bklynzballer: and im in the bond gang
MyLeftTesticle: Man, you know there’s all them bums at the river. I don’t want to be wasting weed just to
Bklynzballer: with jason
Holmes: then i have to supply some to Charles the pot-head-and-crack-fiend
MyLeftTesticle: keep them quiet and stuff.
Holmes: yeah true
MyLeftTesticle: Dude, Bk, I’m not bullshittin’ ya.
MyLeftTesticle: My gang will kill you.
Bklynzballer: fuck i didnt say anythin yo
MyLeftTesticle: I don’t play around with stuff this serious.
MyLeftTesticle: Yeah, you were gonna tell the cops on us and stuff.
MyLeftTesticle: Yeah, you better not say anything.
Bklynzballer: yo holmes this is zack
Bklynzballer: mike went out with tracy
MyLeftTesticle: I’ll have one of the new guys watch you…
MyLeftTesticle: We’ll be keeping an eye on you Bk.
Holmes: hey zack want some crack
Bklynzballer: hes in the kitchen with her
Holmes: hey that rhymes
Holmes: no you don’t!
Holmes: I don’t sell crack, crack-head
Holmes: go get your crack somewhere else, crack-baby
Holmes: your so full of crack, i can see your crack-head ears filled with crack smoke’
Bklynzballer: mike gunna giv me some
MyLeftTesticle: Dude, I got a craving for something that I used to eat back in the day…
MyLeftTesticle: What was it called?…
MyLeftTesticle: Oh yeah…
Bklynzballer: “hot dogs”
MyLeftTesticle: I ate your mom’s pussy once…
MyLeftTesticle: It was pretty rotten.
MyLeftTesticle: It stunk like dead fish.
Holmes: eww you have a craving for man hot dogs bk
MyLeftTesticle: I was like “Damn bitch, you should clean that shit out!”
OnlineHost: Holmes has left the room.
MyLeftTesticle: Hey, why’d Holmes leave?
OnlineHost: Holmes has entered the room.
MyLeftTesticle: Where’d you go?
Holmes: had to make a quick drug deal
MyLeftTesticle: Oh, good times.
MyLeftTesticle: How much did ya make?
Holmes: it was a truck load
davepoobond: i’m shaping a new 50 person bong in Ceramics class, but no one knows its a bong
Holmes: it’s chump change
davepoobond: i just call it “tube tree”
Holmes: lol tree
davepoobond: the base is gonna have a diameter of 10 inches
davepoobond: almost a fuckin foot
Holmes: lol have
Holmes: sorry i just hit my bong
davepoobond: is it one of mine that i made for you?
Holmes: that 10 foot one
Holmes: had to stand on a stool
davepoobond: oh yeah..
davepoobond: you can put it on the wall too
Holmes: you can!
davepoobond: if you want to decorate your walls
davepoobond: stain it
Holmes: LOL LOL LOL look at me i’m typing
davepoobond: with the marijuana color
MyLeftTesticle: Dude, I got the munchies.
Holmes: lets eat Bk, no one will miss him
MyLeftTesticle: But he’s all stringy and stuff.
MyLeftTesticle: Not a good meal.
Holmes: besides bk stands for burger king
MyLeftTesticle: Eh, Burger King is a good place to eat.
Holmes: shut up dinner
MyLeftTesticle: If you were here right now Bk, I’d slap you.
Holmes: you gonna take that Bk?
Holmes: gonna take that like the bitch you are
MyLeftTesticle: Of course he is, he’s everyone’s bitch.
Bklynzballer: no…he likes ashley..thats a big enough diss
davepoobond: dude, baller, change your font
MyLeftTesticle: Well, Ashley sucks dick better than your mom.
Bklynzballer: i see you tested mikes mom cuz this is not mike
MyLeftTesticle: Doesn’t matter.
Holmes: your mom is an elephant
MyLeftTesticle: Mike’s mom was pretty hot, dude.
MyLeftTesticle: She’s got tits that gigle with every step she takes.
MyLeftTesticle: It gives me a boner just thinking about it…
Holmes: his mom…naked…oh a bear skin rug
Bklynzballer: mikes back
MyLeftTesticle: His mom is a bear!
Bklynzballer: yo guys
Bklynzballer: im back
MyLeftTesticle: All hairy and shit.
Holmes: shut up mike
Bklynzballer: i just came back
Holmes: you made me mad
Holmes: just ignoring us
MyLeftTesticle: Yeah, me too.
Holmes: like were notihng
MyLeftTesticle: And that diss about Ashley.
Bklynzballer: holmes dissed her yesterday
Bklynzballer: that she was hairy
Bklynzballer: and had pimples like a dog
MyLeftTesticle: Pimples like a dog?
Bklynzballer: you said that
MyLeftTesticle: You mean tits like a dog
MyLeftTesticle: dumb dumb
davepoobond: haha. doggie tits
Bklynzballer: tits like a rat
Holmes: i’m not that dumb that i would say: ‘pimples like a dog”
OnlineHost: Bklynzballer: has left the room.
Holmes: he left
Holmes: please stand by
OnlineHost: Bklynzballer: has entered the room.
OnlineHost: Bklynzballer: has left the room.
MyLeftTesticle: What a dolt…
MyLeftTesticle: Can we step out of character now?
MyLeftTesticle: That was amuzing.
Holmes: that was funny
MyLeftTesticle: What a moron.
davepoobond: what an IDIOT
Holmes: WHAT A STUPID ASS
MyLeftTesticle: Um, what a dolt.
Holmes: i swear that would lok great on squackle
MyLeftTesticle: This should be a special feature or something.
Holmes: lol yeah
Holmes: “Squakles stupidest people”
Holmes: Bklynzballer [7:52 PM]: i just food remember…
Holmes: can anyone translate that?
davepoobond: i just food remember
Holmes: Bklynzballer [7:52 PM]: no one would care remeber just eat me
MyLeftTesticle: Heh, what a moron.
Holmes: this just SPEAKS and he immediatly gets on squakle
davepoobond: i’ll put this guy up on Stupid People
davepoobond: Screwed Up People
davepoobond: its a new section
Holmes: make a whjole new section
Holmes: “Stupides people”
davepoobond: Screwed Up People
davepoobond: in the Screwed Up Chronicles
MyLeftTesticle: Squackle’s Stupidest People
davepoobond: forget you
Holmes: Holmes [7:54 PM]: fine
Holmes: Holmes [7:55 PM]: be a party pooper
Holmes: Bklynzballer [7:55 PM]: im not a party pooper im food
MyLeftTesticle: He’s poop food