My partner and I were in our police car when we were dispatched to break up a domestic dispute.
We spoke with the couple, and the problem was quickly resolved.
On leaving, I was admiring the craftsmanship of their turn-of-the-century home and reached for what I thought was the front door.
Realizing my mistake, I was turning away in embarrassment when my partner tried to cover for me by saying…
“If you have any more problems, we’ll be in your closet.”
Rummaging through her attic one day, my friend Kathryn found an old shotgun. Unsure how to dispose of it, she called her parents.
“Take it to the police station,” her mother suggested. My friend was about to hang up when her mom added….
“And, Kathryn?”
“Yes, mom?”
“Call them first and let them know you’re coming.”
The other day while driving home, after being delayed at my office, I suddenly saw flashing lights in my rearview mirror.
The police officer pulled me over for speeding. Hoping for a little leniency I explained to him that I was rushing home to be with my wife on our first anniversary.
But rather than letting me off with just a warning, he went ahead and wrote out the ticket, handed it to me, and said, “Congratulations! The first year is paper, right?”
He was a young Pastor, and as usual, he was running late getting into town…. and he was speeding.
Then to top it off, he looked in the review mirror only to see the lights of the Highway Patrol! Already late for church and figuring he’d try for leniency, he quickly slapped his Bible on the dash of his car as the trooper walked up to the window and asked to see his drivers license.
Looking at his name and title on the license, the trooper asked, “You’re a Reverend huh?” The young Pastor affirmed that.
The trooper then began writing out a speeding ticket and said, “Well, Reverend; your speedometer runneth over.”
As the trooper handed him the ticket and started to walk away, his last comment was, “Oh, by the way…. the Bible on the dash…. nice touch.”
The FBI and the DEA are joining efforts and will be assigning some of their agents to a quasi-FBI/DEA enforcement team specifically targeting the illegal allergy pills sales that occur on the black market.
The agents will be called “Pseudo Feds.”
Q: What Oriental chef is also a detective?
A: Sherwok Holmes.
Q: What detective is also a barber?
A: Sherlock Combs.
Q: What game do farm kids play in the cornfields?
A: Cobs and robbers.
POLICE EXAMINER: “If you were by yourself in a police car and were pursued by a gang of criminals in another car doing 60 miles an hour, what would you do?
POLICE CANDIDATE: “Seventy.”
A down-and-out musician was playing his guitar on a street corner.
Striding over, an angry policeman asked: “May I see your permit?”
“I don’t have one,” said the musician.
“In that case, you’ll have to accompany me,” said the cop.
“Cool,” exclaimed the musician. “What do you want to sing?”
POLICEMAN: “Your driver’s license says you should be wearing glasses.”
MOTORIST: “I have contacts.”
POLICEMAN: “I don’t care how much pull you’ve got, you’re still getting a ticket.”
OFFICER: “You can’t park there!”
DRIVER: “Why not? The sign says ‘Fine for Parking.'”
TRAFFIC COP: “Why didn’t you stop when I blew my whistle?”
DRIVER: “I’m a little deaf.”
TRAFFIC COP: “Don’t worry, you’ll get your hearing tomorrow.”
Q: When does a detective carry an umbrella?
A: When he’s undercover.
Q: What did one dog detective say to the other dog detective?
A: “I think someone is tailing us.”