He was a young Pastor, and as usual, he was running late getting into town…. and he was speeding.
Then to top it off, he looked in the review mirror only to see the lights of the Highway Patrol! Already late for church and figuring he’d try for leniency, he quickly slapped his Bible on the dash of his car as the trooper walked up to the window and asked to see his drivers license.
Looking at his name and title on the license, the trooper asked, “You’re a Reverend huh?” The young Pastor affirmed that.
The trooper then began writing out a speeding ticket and said, “Well, Reverend; your speedometer runneth over.”
As the trooper handed him the ticket and started to walk away, his last comment was, “Oh, by the way…. the Bible on the dash…. nice touch.”
“you kids better have tickets for that tree!”
– Angels in the Outfield (1994)
The irony of the horse track: How can a horse player believe the odds are in his favor when the betting lines are ten times longer than the lines to collect on winning tickets?
People always insult my looks. When I go to the zoo, I need two tickets… one to get in and one to get out.
It was the night of a big basketball game when a couple walked up to the Madison Square Garden box office. The man asked the ticket seller, “Do you have two tickets for tonight’s game?”
The clerk replied, “I’m sorry, but we’re sold out except for standing room only!”
The man then asked, “Are they together?”
Criminals are getting bolder these days. Last week while handing out a parking ticket, a cop was mugged.
There are many reasons why people have plastic surgery and we offer some of them here:
– You meet “Big Foot” in the woods and he faints when he sees you.
– You’re not allowed in the zoo because you scare the animals.
– An organ grinder offers you a job as his monkey.
– Your teacher makes you sit facing the back of the room.
– A cop gives you a ticket for being criminally ugly.
aompierdeer – n. tickets that are sold out before they go on sale