“Your life is less valuable than fifteen dollars in pennies.”
– davepoobond
Tag Archives: money
Quote #21513
“What did momma tell ya about crack whores, son? Never pay over 2 dollars for them!”
– davepoobond
Joke #21427
Q: When is it time to reconsider what you do with your wealth?
A: When you spend $400 on escargot at a fancy French restaurant.
Joke #21364
Q: What happens if you don’t pay the exorcist?
A: You get repossessed.
Joke #21356
Q: What do goths buy at the liquor store when they don’t have much cash?
A: Crow-Magnums.
kinosirco
kinosirco – v. to go around and collect random stuff from random people in the hopes that they will one day become famous and sell it for a lot of money. Having a a huge vault in your house to help with this, as well as a camera to attach photos to the objects. It is a full-time endeavor.
angel
angel – n. a male that pays for sex
Joke #21206: Soy Toy
While going through his wife’s dresser drawers, a farmer discovered three soybeans and an envelope containing $30 in cash. The farmer confronted his wife, and when asked about the curious items, she confessed:
“Over the years, I haven’t been completely faithful to you.”
“When I did fool around, I put a soybean in the drawer to remind myself of my indiscretion,” she explained.
The farmer admitted that he had not always been faithful either, and therefore, was inclined to forgive and forget a few moments of weakness in his wife.
“I’m curious though,” he said, “Where did the thirty dollars come from?”
“Oh that, ” his wife replied, “Well, when soybeans hit ten dollars a bushel, I sold out!”
Forever Repressed: Dog in My Way, Part I
Sophie: You haven’t given me a speaking part in over a year.
Sussman: I haven’t written in over a year.
Sophie: Bullshit. Pet me.
Sussman: Why would I want to do that?
Sophie: Either pet me or I urinate in your shoes.
Sussman: No way, those are my shoes! (Pets Sophie.)
Sophie: Yes, that’s right. That’s where the money is.
(Sussman stops petting Sophie.)
Sophie: What the hell?
Sussman: I want to watch TV.
Sophie: Keep petting me!
Sussman: No, I want to watch some TV.
Sophie: Fine, turn it to American Idol. I love watching that British judge, Simon, make fun of the bad singers.
Sussman: We’re not watching American Idol. We’re watching the NBA Playoffs.
Sophie: That sucks.
Sussman: You suck!
The 2002-03 Cleveland Cavaliers: We suck!
Sophie: Get your candy asses out of here. Come back when you draft LeBron James.
Sussman: That ain’t gonna happen. Memphis is gonna draft LeBron.
Sophie: You callin’ me a liar, bitch?
Sussman: No, I’m callin’ you a BITCH, LIAR!
Sophie: That’s it. Get down on your knees and rub my tummy!
Sussman: Ew, no. I don’t go on the floor. That’s where you live.
Sophie: Come down to my house so I can kick your pasty white ass!
Simon, the British judge: Sophie, I think you have what it takes to be the next order of Chinese food.
Sussman: Exactly as I thought. Take ’em away, Yao.
Yao Ming: (Bumps head on ceiling.)
(Note: No Cavaliers won any basketball games in the making of this film.)
Quote #21200
“The wonderful thing about fraternities and sororities is that brothers and sisters stick together… until the check bounces.”
– Matt Sussman
Joke #21187
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf.
And he said, “no, the steaks are too high.”
WoW Chat #21142: Slushie -> davepoobond
In the trade chat channel, in World of Warcraft, I was spouting:
“WTS [Fiery Warhorse’s Reins] mount RUN – 250g or best offer, pst! If it drops its yours! READ THIS BEFORE WHISPERING ME”
–
Slushie: So wait….you’re asking people to pay you 250g up front for the 1% chance at a mount drop that can easily be soloed by any 85?
davepoobond: yes
davepoobond: im glad you caught on
Slushie: Havent gotten any bites have you
davepoobond: yes, by people who can’t read
Slushie: yeah get used to that
davepoobond: no shit
davepoobond: i make my money solely on exploiting the retards in this game
davepoobond: it brightens my day knowing there’s someone of lesser intelligence than i
Quote #21137
::davepoobond rings up a Scantron for a girl. It comes out to 27 cents and she dumps her crap on the counter, digging through her huge purse trying to get change.::
Girl (in a seemingly joking manner): “Sorry, I’m so disorganized”
davepoobond: “Oh, it’s okay. I charge five dollars for overnight parking.”
Girl (really angry all of a sudden): “I’M NOT GOING TO BE HERE THAT LONG!”
::Girl pays for her Scantron and leaves::
– at davepoobond’s job
revof
revof – n. 200 dollars in free gas, obtained through a spam e-mail
Joke #20900
Q: What’s the cheapest pet to feed?
A: A giraffe. When you feed it, a little goes a long way.