Submitted through the Jingle Bells song submission form.
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This form was submitted: Dec 13 2007 / 19:26:56
name = laladada
email = laladadasdfghkl;@yajo.com
use_email = no
jinglesong = happy christmas merry newyear
Tag Archives: Christmas
Joke #24691
A blonde gets a ice fishing pole for Christmas, so she goes out to try it. She drills the hole and puts the line in and waits.
Someone says that there’s no fish there. So she moves and does the same thing, with the same answer, after many tries the blonde finally looks around and finds a man looking very frustrated watching her.
She asks “How do you know that there are no fish here?”
“Because,” the man says, “this is a Hockey rink and second you’re going to have to pay for those holes.”
Jingle Bells Song #24438
Dashing through the snow
On a broken pair of skis
Oh no I’m heading for the tree
As I go to stand up I realize
I have just broken my knees
The snow is turning red
I think I’m almost dead
I spent my Christmas Eve
In a stupid hospital bed
OH
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells
Grandma had a gun
pulled the trigger
and lost her finger in 1981
Hey!
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells
Grandma had a gun
pulled the trigger
and lost her finger in 1981
Hey!
Third Party Ownership
Third party ownership is really annoying, I mean let’s take Crayola for instance. They’re owned by Binney & Smith, which is owned by Hallmark.
It’s really stupid when you look at it. But I guess we’ll have one thing to be looking forward to: Microsoft owning every company in every industry in the damn world, which means owning US, the government, and the world! And then the bushes we squat by. THen, the aliens will come and buy Microsoft which means buying the world, and all our Chipmunks compilation CDs (yes, even the Christmas ones).
Then people everyone hates, like Bill Gates, Rosie O’Donnel, Dennis Rodman, Jean Claude Van Damme, etc. will live forever just to spite us and make more reality TV shows such as Double Dare Extreme (where people use napalm instead of slime) and continuing Survivor forever.
And we can’t do anything because we don’t have any intergalactic space weapons or things that go “whoo whoo” to get rid of the aliens.
Then, the aliens make crop circles everywhere. Even in our grass, our pretty flower fields, and our landfills. I’m sorry, I’m getting out of hand. Bye.
#23311: davepoobond -> Automatic Man
davepoobond: merry christmas
Automatic Man: little early
davepoobond: i’m actually a little late
Automatic Man: fine
Raffi’s Christmas Album Cover
Quote #21053
“My wife, mom, daughters and my sister are all getting these magnificent long-stemmed roses from me for Christmas. And Ghirardelli chocolates, of course!”
– from a spam e-mail
Ridiculous Spam Mail #21051
Hi there!
Have you ever shopped at a high-end department store where they have Personal Shoppers?
You give them all your details — your size, favorite colors, styles you like, etc. then you meet with them, and they present you with a whole bunch of choices, all tailored to your needs. No digging through the racks of clothing or searching the aisles for something you like.
Now, imagine leaning back in your chair and having a Personal Shopper do all of your Christmas shopping on the web — not a real person, however — an intelligent software program…wouldn’t that be cool?!
I just found a program that does just that! You tell your computer some things about your family and friends, like their interests and activities, then it searches through over one million major branded products and unique one-of-a-kind items to find the perfect present for each of them.
And… it’s FREE!”
It also reminds you of birthdays and important events. I checked some interest categories for my Dad, who is retired and it suggested over 40 gifts including some heated slippers, a waffle iron (he loves to cook), golf shoes, a casual coat, and leather wallet with room for pictures of the grandkids.
These were ALL great ideas!
I really love the idea pages, because they give you coupon codes for discounts and direct links to the items, plus a clever little desktop application that will display gift ideas for you. And I LOVE to shop with coupons!
I do about 90% of my holiday shopping online, and this has helped me a lot, especially with the hard-to-buy-for folks like my Hubby’s boss and his wife, lol! That one is always a stumper. I am not going to tell you what I got them though, because she is as much of an online shopper as I am, and may be reading this. 🙂
Remember, there is not much time left for Holiday Shopping, so you better GET BUSY! < grin >
Voting
I fucking hate it when people say “oh you better vote for your country!”.. thats stupid. When has a presidential campaign
ever been won by a SINGLE vote? (okay maybe it’s happened before, who cares) Im never going to vote, EVER! it’s
a waste of time. This is just like screaming at a concert. what the fuck? Do you really think it is necessary? I know
that ‘every person makes a difference’ well I dont give a shit… i also hate people that go to parades. WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!
who goes to parades? or like, christmas strolls.. its all stupid shit. i hate season clothing because you can only wear it for like a week
and if you have nothing to wear in march and you wear your halloween sweater then you’ll get the shit beat out of you. especially if
nobody likes you as it is. i hate people that say the pledge of allegiance at school. you dont HAAAVE to, and at this age (high school)
you’re not fucking patriotic, and if you are, you’re just trying to get attention. My mom once dated a black guy, and do you see me
wearing a damn christmas sweater right now? hell NO!
We Need More Holiday Songs
O Christmas Tree, Santa Baby, Here Comes Santa Claus, White Christmas, the list goes on. How many songs have we heard a million times? How many versions of the same songs must we choke down?
A horrendous onslaught of holiday music is upon us every time we get into the months of November and December, as Christmas, the month-long holiday is the time we love to be tortured by it.
Not only do we have to buy buy buy, but we have to listen to millionaire corporate slaves sing yet another version of that “Do You Know What I Know” song that takes forever to listen to. We’re already tossing hordes of cash out the windows into the pockets of companies in the RIAA — couldn’t they possibly hire some fuckers to write some new songs? Isn’t 300 versions of each Christmas song from each new generation of singers enough?
Oh goody, DJ Whatshisface made a remix of Joy to the World and DJ Megaloser made O Christmas Tree v. Santa Baby. Or let’s have Britney Spears sing the 12 Days of Christmas — that’s new and exciting!
What is even more annoying is that each time the song is remade, the singer adds their own little “flair” to it, so you would remember that in BigBoobedMovieStarNowASinger said “Yeayyeeyeahheeyaa!” at the end of each sentence in the song. It’s crap!
Sometimes bands make new Christmas songs, I’m sure, so why can’t we just stop dragging on those same fucking songs we have to listen to over and over? They’re so fucking old! Fuck them all! And where are the Thanksgiving songs?! I want to hear songs about how we screwed the Native Americans and killed turkeys!
The Real Meaning Behind Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
sung to the original song of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
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Do not trust minorities in your working environment,
sure they go about they’re own business for the time being,
but as soon as you turn your back they will take your job.
Rudolph was an obvious minority because he was the only one with a red nose and he took the
head job on the sleigh, he obviously took someone’s job.
And people said Christmas songs are good for the soul. Baah who needs em
National Hate-A-Toy Day
National Hate-A-Toy Day – n. a holiday that occurs on December 25th. Yes, this is Christmas, but that doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate another day along with the holiday that occurs on the day you’re celebrating your day on.
Joke #18729
A family had moved to Seattle from Texas, and each of them missed their old home.
That December, when they went to pick up their first-grade son from school, his teacher told them about a conversation she overheard.
One boy said, “We’re Catholic, and we are going to Christmas Mass.”
“Were Jewish,” said another child. “And we’re going to have a Hanukkah celebration.”
Madison chimed in, “We’re Texans, and were going to have a barbecue.”
Joke #18592
It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco. The pastor of the church was looking over the cradle when e noticed that the baby Jesus was missing from among the figures. Immediately he turned and went outside and saw a little boy with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus.
So he walked up to the boy and said, “Well, where did you get Him, my little friend?”
The little boy replied, “I got him from the church.”
“And why did you take him?”
The boy said, “Well, about a week before Christmas I prayed to the little Lord Jesus and I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas I would give him a ride around the block in it.”
Things NOT to Say When Hanging the Christmas Lights
Did you know that hanging lights on a Christmas tree is one of the three most stressful situations in an on-going relationship? (The other two danger zones are teaching your mate to drive and wallpapering. Don’t EVEN think of going there!) So I now present for you….
*Things NOT To Say When Hanging The Christmas Lights*
– “You’ve got two red lights right next to each other. You’re supposed to go yellow, green, red, blue, not yellow, red, red, green, blue…”
– “Up a little higher. You can reach it. Go on, try.”
– “What on earth do you do to these lights when you put them away every year? Tie them in knots?”
– “Come away from that aluminum ladder, kids. I’m going to fry that sucker.”
– “If you’re not going to do it right, don’t do it at all. Don’t just throw them on, like you do the icicles. You’re worse than your father.”
– “Give me that!!”
– “You’ve got the whole thing on the tree upside-down. The electric pluggee thing should be down here at the bottom, not up at the top.”
– “I don’t care if you have found another two strings, I’m done!”
– “You’ve just wound ’em around and around – I thought we agreed it shouldn’t look like a spiral this year?”
– “Have you been drinking?!!?”
– “Okaaay! Looks like we’re *finally* done here now. Not too shabby huh? Hey….wait a minute, where’s the cat?”