qiqspudoqu – v. to knit during fishing season
A blonde gets a ice fishing pole for Christmas, so she goes out to try it. She drills the hole and puts the line in and waits.
Someone says that there’s no fish there. So she moves and does the same thing, with the same answer, after many tries the blonde finally looks around and finds a man looking very frustrated watching her.
She asks “How do you know that there are no fish here?”
“Because,” the man says, “this is a Hockey rink and second you’re going to have to pay for those holes.”
handsaac – v. to bring fishing bait to a cemetery
“Teach a man to fish…
…and it will give him an excuse to get piss drunk at 10 in the morning.”
– Matt Sussman
– Accelerates at a phenomenal rate.
– Has a much shorter braking distance than the private car.
– Can take speed humps at twice the speed of private cars.
– The battery, radiator water, oil and tires never have to be checked.
– It can be driven up to 60 miles with the oil warning light flashing.
– It needs cleaning less often than private cars.
– The suspension is reinforced to allow for the weekend loads of bricks, concrete slabs and other building material.
– Unusual and alarming engine noises are easily eliminated by turning up the radio.
– It needs no security system and may be left anywhere, unlocked and with the keys in the ignition.
– It is especially sand and waterproof for barbecues and fishing expeditions on remote beaches.
To help untangle my fishing gear, I asked my wife and her sister to walk the fishing line across our front yard and hold it taut while I reeled it back in.
A man strolling by saw the two good-looking women and did a double take. “I don’t know what you’re using for bait,” he said to me, “but I’ll take a dozen.”
Q: What’s a frog’s favorite sport?
A: Fly fishing.
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– from the Internet
NICKY: “Are you fishing in the river?”
MICKEY: “No! I”m standing here washing worms.”
NOTE TO FISHERMAN: “Doesn’t it seem stupid to clean the fish you catch? After all, fish live all of their lives in water.”
Old maids are like fishermen — they’re always talking about the ones that get away.
Did you hear about the loony fisherman? He baited his hook with a rubber mouse because he wanted to catch a catfish.
If I went fishing in a mirage, a game warden would probably come along and give me a summons for fishing without a license.
A little boy went fishing with his uncle. After about an hour without catching a fish, the boy said, “Hey, Unc, you better take out your fishing license and show it to the fish.”
The trouble with fishing in polluted waters is that if you catch a whopper, you end up with your cake, but you can’t eat it.