Q: Should you ever eat chocolates on an empty stomach?
A: No, always on a plate.
Tag Archives: chocolate
Joke #11259
Q: What’s sticky, green, has eighteen legs, and is covered with brown hair?
A: I don’t know, either. But it’s crawling out of that box of valentine chocolates!
Joke #11166
Q: Why don’t neighborhood kids like to visit the Addams Family for Easter?
A: Thing likes to make real chocolate bunnies.
Joke #11091
Q: Why did Ozzy Osbourne get fired from his job at the candy store?
A: He couldn’t stop biting the heads off the chocolate bunnies.
Joke #10812
Q: What do you call it when somebody gets hit in the eye with chocolate pudding?
A: Goo-lash.
aelittlo
aelittlo – n. chocolate orange cheesecake
decelo
decelo – n. death by chocolate
Stupid Things To Say About Chocolate
If you get melted chocolate all over your hands, you’re eating it too slowly.
Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
Problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in hot car.
Solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It’ll take the edge off your appetite and you’ll eat less.
A nice box of chocolates provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn’t that handy?
If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
Equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate is a balanced diet.
The preservatives in chocolate make you look younger.
Q: Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous?
A: Because no one wants to quit.
Put “eat chocolate” at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you’ll get one thing done!
Chocolate Poop
I love chocolate poop. I had my first taste of chocolate poop at a restaurant called Le poop. It was so good that it became my favorite dessert. Now I want to try making it at home. First, I get a saucepan and put 1/4 cup of butter in it to melt slowly. Then I put a bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips into the saucepan. They melt slowly as I stir them with a spoon. I also add milk and vanilla until it is smooth and not too thick. Then I pour it into the poop pot and light the burner under it to keep it warm. The deep, rich chocolate liquid slowly courses into the poop pot. I breathe deeply the fragrance of sweet smelling poop. My mouth starts watering at the wonderful yummy smell of chocolate. Next I get out the marshmallows which will be used to dip into the chocolate. The bag of poop feels soft and spongy under my fingers. I know the little brown puffs are fresh.
Picking up a poopie, I put the delectable treat on a fork. Then I dip it into the chocolate as far as it will go. The marshmallow dips into the chocolate about 3/4’s of the way. The poopie turns a very deep luscious brown. The chocolate drips down most of the rest of poop. Taking a last look, I shove it into my mouth and an overwhelmingly chocolatey taste floods my mouth. The chocolate mixes irresistibly with the marshmallow, creating a sweet, gummy version of the chocolate sauce. I chew and swallow, there will be more, but the first is always the best.
After I am full of poop, I force myself to stop eating the scrumptious treat. I am very full and satisfied after the delicious dessert. My poop is almost as good as the poop I had at the restaurant. The main difference between my poop and the restaurant poop is that they put alcohol in it and light it on fire before we eat it. The restaurant also had fruit and other things to dip into the poop, but my favorite was marshmallows. I have a sudden urge to eat all the rest of the chocolate sauce and now I will be sick until I wake up in the morning. But boy do I still like poop! Woo woo! Poop, poop, poop!
Bad Pick Up Lines
– Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money for it?
– I may not be the best looking guy here, but I’m the only one talking to you.
– My love for you is like the energizer bunny, it keeps going and going.
– You must be from Pearl Harbor, cause you’re the Bomb.
– If you were a new hamburger at McDonald’s, you would be McGorgeous.
– Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I’ve seem to have lost mine.
– I’m new in town, could I have directions to your house.
– You look like a girl that has heard every line in the book, so what’s one more going to hurt?
– Date me if I’m wrong, but is your name Yolanda?
– Excuse me, do you wanna date, or should I apologize?
– You must be Jamaican, because Ja-maican me crazy.
– Are your legs tired? You’ve been running through my mind all day long.
– Do you have a quarter? My mother told me to call home when I met the girl of my dreams.
– Your awfly perrrtay.
– Love is like a box of chocolates and your full of sour cream and mustard with cheese wiz.
– Excuse me, do you think it could be possible, if there’s a chance, that if you want to go somewhere, and have no one to go with. And perhaps call me. Then we could go out. Maybe a in a unit. That is only speaking in certain terms….yak yak.
– Were you a Girl Scout? Because you have tied my heart in a knot.
– Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cause every time I see you, you turn me on!
– Hi, nice to meet you, I’m Jeffrey and you’re… gorgeous!
– Hey, is it just me, or are we destined to be married?
– If beauty were sunlight, you’d shine from a million light-years away.
– Did it hurt? You know, when you fell from heaven?
– I hope you know CPR because you take my breath away.
– You are under arrest for robbery. You stole my heart.
Top 10 Signs Your Presidential Candidate Is Under-Qualified
10. Promises to improve foreign relations with Hawaii.
9. Runs a series of attack ads against Martin Sheen’s character on “The West Wing.”
8. His #1 choice to work on his cabinet is “That Bob Vila guy.”
7. Outstanding record as Governor of Rhode Island nullified by the fact that no one really cares.
6. Got his degree in Political Economics by bribing Sally Struthers with a chocolate donut.
5. Anybody mentions Washington, he asks, “The state or the DC thingie?”
4. At the debates, answers every question with a snarled, “You wanna wrestle?!?”
3. Vows to put an end to the war in Pokemon and free the Pikachu refugees once and for all.
2. Says the Pledge of Allegiance as quickly as possible, then shouts, “I win!”
..and the Number 1 Sign Your Presidential Candidate Is Under-Qualified..
1. On the very first question of the debate, he attempts to use a LIFELINE.
Joke #5340
Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
A: 20, 1 to stir the batter and 19 to peel the smarties
Joke #5208: Groundhog Day
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, “I bet you don’t know what day this is.”
“Of course I do,” he indignantly answered, going out the door to the office.
At 10 AM, the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1 PM, a foil wrapped, two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived . Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress.
The woman couldn’t wait for her husband to come home.
“First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress!” she exclaimed.
“I’ve never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!”
tineny
tineny – n. fluffy chocolate
olicracil
olicracil – v. to get Hershey’s chocolate or strawberry syrup as a prize on a game show