“This car is my sister in law and my brother I love there car”
– from a girl’s dating profile
“This car is my sister in law and my brother I love there car”
– from a girl’s dating profile
Automatic Man messaged me what I had written on Squackle as an update…
–
Automatic Man: Yesterday, I was driving on a freeway back from KFC, with a large (the really big one) box of Popcorn Chicken (mmh mmh do I love Popcorn Chicken) when all of a sudden something brown flew through the air and then smashed into my windwhield and made two huge holes in it. Glass flew everywhere, and I don’t know what the hell it was or whether someone threw it or if it got thrown up by another car’s tires. If it was someone throwing it, I want to kill them, because now I have to replace the windshield of the Turbo Diesel Ground Force (the name of my car).
Automatic Man: ahahahaaha
Automatic Man: it was me!
davepoobond: wtf?
davepoobond: what are you talkin about
davepoobond: you didn’t throw that shit
Automatic Man: shhh! yes i did
davepoobond: what was it then
Automatic Man: a big brown thing, possibly a rock
davepoobond: unh hunh..
Automatic Man: its true
davepoobond: why aren’t you more specific
Automatic Man: cuz i was high at the time
Automatic Man: because i got high
Automatic Man: becuase i got high
davepoobond: i saw you right after i came into the school parking lot, jackass
Auto response from Automatic Man: stupid research paper! brb
Automatic Man: ya i drive and run just that fast
Automatic Man: mmm english muffin
Automatic Man: >:o
davepoobond: english muffins are good toasted
davepoobond: you know what else is good toasted?
davepoobond: the En Vogue CD “funky DIVAS”
Automatic Man: lol
Automatic Man: i had a toasted english muffin with yogurt butter on it (its like butter, but made from yogurt so its not as bad for you)
davepoobond: yeah i have that yogurt butter crap too
davepoobond: its good
davepoobond: better than substitute shit
Automatic Man: brummel and brown baby
davepoobond: yeahhh!
davepoobond: me too
davepoobond: the big ol’ tubs
Automatic Man: its good shit
Automatic Man: i have a small 1
davepoobond: we used to get small ones
Automatic Man: but we dont use it that much
davepoobond: they stopped sellin them small or something
davepoobond: there’s these tubs
davepoobond: that last about a month or something
Automatic Man: hmmm
davepoobond: around here anyway
Automatic Man: like a regular size butter 1? or the gigantic dave size TUBs?
davepoobond: you know the “i can’t believe its not butter” tubs
davepoobond: that size
Automatic Man: ya
Automatic Man: thats wut i have
Automatic Man: bout 3 inches in diamter
davepoobond: its a pound
Automatic Man: hmm
Automatic Man: i dunno
davepoobond: it says what it weighs on there
Automatic Man: but were having too deep a conversation about butter
davepoobond: its not butter
davepoobond: its 35% veggie oil
Automatic Man: whatever the hell it is
davepoobond: 25% yogurt
davepoobond: and the rest is butter i guess
Automatic Man: lol
davepoobond: do you know who En Vogue is
Automatic Man: singer?
davepoobond: no
davepoobond: its a group
davepoobond: of 4 black females
Automatic Man: oh
Automatic Man: o well
davepoobond: there’s a movie named “duets”
davepoobond: and i have the soundtrack for some reason
davepoobond: it has the guy from big fat liar that was colored blue
davepoobond: i dont know his name
Automatic Man: o
davepoobond: did you finish your research paper
Automatic Man: not yet
Automatic Man: almost
davepoobond: i’ve got 8 pgs
davepoobond: 8 full pgs
Automatic Man: oh
Automatic Man: well
Automatic Man: see right now im using wordpad cuz this POS comp doesnt have word so i have to move it to my good comp after i finish so i can actually break it down into PAGES
davepoobond: heh
davepoobond: the spice girls are kinda funny
Auto response from Automatic Man: id like to talk, but im on the home stretch of my research paper, and i wanna finish soon
Unholytank: my cat pastway last night 🙁
Zanbon: this is awkward
Zanbon: my cat died last night too
Zanbon: he was in the car whenmy mom’s car ran off the road and crashed into that tree
Zanbon: wow is all i have left
Correct answer is B.
Correct answer is C.
Correct answer is B.
Correct answer is C.
The correct answer is B.
“Frankie has already fucked the car.”
– davepoobond
axbye – v. to shoot a whale from a car
Parody of Britney Spears – Touch Of My Hand
–
She learned to drive at an early age….
I’m not ashamed
To use the high beam,
I find myself parking
When the light is green…
When my tires are blown
I practice my show,
And ride my clutch
With the curtains closed…
And I know my poor brain ain’t right…
When I’m standing by your side…
I’m thinking about
My van all the time..
Motor oil is on my mind.
And where & how it will apply
I love my shelves
Covered in sheep skin
I can’t control this van I’m in…
Cause I’ve just discovered,
My van’s taking over…
I’ll have to hide it from my mother-
The more I come
To understand
The clutch in my van…
And where it’s at
In between my seat
Lately Ive been noticing,
The blisters on me..
The wrinkled up skin
When I’m oily & gray,
I’m learning to drive
In a most serious way..
And I know my poor brain ain’t right…
When I’m standing by your side.
I’m thinking about
My van all the time…
Motor oil is on my mind
And where & how it will apply
Cause I’ve just discovered,
My van’s taking over…
I’ll have to hide it from my mother-
The more I come
To understand
The clutch in my van…
Jingle Bells
Santa smells
Easter’s on its way
Oh what fun it is to ride
In a beat up Chevrolet!
(Repeat x1)
Dashing down the road
In a beat up Chevrolet
Down the street we go
Gasping all the way
Horns on traffic go
Engine smoking thick
What fun it is to drive and make
People get real sick, oooooh
(Chorus x2)
Now my time’s not right
What a real sad sight
Motor’s blown some oil
Making my blood boil
Rods and pistons gone
What a horrible funk
Because I owe JD Byrider
Five grand for this piece of junk…oooooh
(Chorus x1)
Jingle Bells
Byrider smells
Creditors on their way
Because I owe $5000 bucks
On this beat up Chevrolet!!!