Tag Archives: airplane

Stories

Percy’s Day Out – The Prequel to Sniper Problems…

Leave a comment

“Oh boy oh boy!” Percy was excited. Today he would be deemed Burger Castle’s Mascot of the month! He glued a wood block to each bare foot and clomped out the door. Since he was payed less than minimum wage, he couldn’t afford shoes. Or a house for that matter. He just lived by a trash can in an alley way near a place called Elm Street.

It wasn’t the award he was excited about. He’s seen it before. You can’t pawn it off for more than 20 cents. But the big thing was the 300% raise you get when you become mascot of the month. That was an increase of 5 dollars! Almost 5 anyway…but that’s not the point. With that kind of money, he could rent some space in a sewer out, without a bathroom.

But that’s besides the point. He knew he had been doing a good job. He did have a Masters Degree in being a mascot. All those ballet classes take a lot out of you…

He hid behind a parked car waiting to find a car he could ride on to Burger Castle. It was pretty hard since it was New York, and pretty much everyone that saw him on their car, punched him off and drove off.

Just then, a blue Cadillac appeared and Percy jumped on top of it. He almost slipped off but grabbed onto the bumper. Luckily the trunk was open, so he got in.

When he saw he was near Burger Castle through the keyhole, he jumped out of the car. Luckily, they weren’t on the freeway, like a few times before.

He clomped down Castle Street toward Burger Castle. When he got there, a baseball hit him in the head. That wasn’t enough to knock down the month’s best mascot! But 253 other baseballs shot at the same time, was. It was a trap! I knew it all the time, of course.

Percy went into a dream…and it was something like this:

“All ABOARD!” said the post office man as he got onto a giant giraffe. “oh no! I’m gonna miss my plane!” said Percy. Percy had a very important meeting with the Scottish Windbag Company about the next shipment of kazoos.

Kazoos were vital to people with the rare disease, “Iwantakazoonowium.” Kazoos were made in China then sent to Denmark for testing and then sent to Scotland. Really nice kazoos came from Japan. Those were sparkly.

Percy hopped onto the girraffe after giving the post man a paper towel, which was the ticket, that had: I am a very important antelope” written on it.

After a couple minutes, the giraffe lifted off the ground and flew into the sky. They kept climbing until they got to Scotland. In this world, Scotland was 500 miles off the ground, floating in the air.

The highest country in the world is Jamaica, since everyone smokes pot there, but that’s besides the point…

When he got off the giraffe, he saluted to the post office man and called for a taxi. Taxies in Scotland are actually anteaters, they clean the streets. Percy hopped on one of them and trudged down to the Scotland Windbag Company’s main building.

They made all type of things at the Scotland Windbag Company, but their most popular products were Whuppi Cushions, kazoos, and Wind Chimes that burp.

When he got off the anteater, he ran down to the building and rang the doorbell. “Who is it!??” the intercom said. “Its me! Percy, from the United Iwantakazoonowium getter-ridders!” The intercom replied, “Oi! We’ve been expectin’ ya, laddy, come right een!” The door opened, but instead of walking into a floor, he slid down on a big slide into a dungeon!

It was a trap! But I knew it all along, of course, of course. “NOOOOOOO” Percy yelled. Percy yelled and yelled and yelled until his lungs blew up! Not because of the fact that he was in a dungeon, but because of the fact theres a big fat guy in leather and a mask on his head, with a whip, walking around a guy that was tied up with nothing but one leather strap! All of a sudden he felt a slap across his face, and he woke up from his terrible nightmare.

You may think Percy was all good now, but you shoulda seen the first person he saw when he looked up! It was Joan Rivers! THAT HORRIBLE BITCH! That did it for Percy, he got knocked out again…

(see what happens in Sniper Problems…)

Stories

Moose D. Cloun and the Evil Dr. Muffin

Leave a comment

Chapter 1 Moose D. Cloun

The year is 1996. We are in a small town outside of New York,

the site of a small traveling circus. Let’s go inside…

 

“I want to hear them LAUGH!!! Got that Moose?! I want to hear them laugh so hard their stomachs come out their mouths….. literally! Okay?!” yells the Circus Manager.

“Duh, should I make a cheeeeese joke, coach?” asks Moose.

“Yeah, whatever,” mumbles Coach.

“Duh, oh happy day,” says Moose

Moose enters the ring. Everyone “boos” loudly, but Moose still has the same dumb expression on his face, his eyes glazed over, and his tongue hanging out. He runs right into the diving board ladder and bounces over to the tiger cage where he slams his face right between the bars. (This was not in the act!) Moose starts screaming as the tiger eats his fake nose, takes a bite out of his hat, and when it was about to devour moose’s right ear, Moose gets out. The crowd is roaring with laughter. Moose then stumbles around until he remembers what he is supposed to be doing.

“Duh, oh yeah, why did the chicken cross the road?” says Moose.

“Why?” the whole crowd says at once.

“Knockity knock knock!”

“Who’s there?” yells the crowd together.

“Gaaa! Who’s there!” yells Moose.

By the time Moose was going to sing his song, everyone was either gone or leaving.

“Duh, where did everybody go?” says Moose after his act was over, “I wanted to do my cheeeeese joke!”

” They’re all gone,” says the Coach, “oh well… To the next hopeless town, Moose!”

“Duh, oh boy! Maybe I’ll get to say my cheese joke!” says Moose happily.

“Yeah, whatever, I need some new clowns,” mumbles the coach.

Chapter 2 The Cheese Mafia

Now we travel to an abandoned warehouse somewhere in Texas…

There is a cute little squirrel sitting at a table. Across from him is Dr. Muffin, a mad scientist bent on global domination. In front of him is Squack, the normal one.

“Soon I will rule the world! Hah, ha, ha, ha , ha, ha, ha, and ha!! I just need one more piece for my giant cheese Electro magnet! Then, once I have all the cheese in the world, my plan will be complete! Mwah ha, ha! Ha! Ha!…..ha!” laughs Dr. Muffin. “The only problem is how to get a 30 ft lima bean……… I mean a clown that likes cheese…”

“Um, sir, maybe I could be of assistance,” says Squack, “I know of this certain traveling circus. I think it might have the perfect clown for us. His name is Moose D. Cloun. He is smart enough to breathe, but that’s about it. He’ll never suspect a thing.”

“Hmmm, I like it… Yes perfect! Ha!” laughs Dr. Muffin

All of a sudden Squack and Dr. Muffin start laughing, “HAAH, HAA, HAA!!!! HA, HA, HAAAAAA!!!! Hee, hee…….HAAAA!!!! HA, HA, HA, HA….” And so on.

Little do Dr. Muffin and Squack know, but the cute little squirrel (named Moo) had sneaked out. Don’t worry, Moo has big eyes, that means he’s good.

Chapter 3 Why?

You may be asking who is Moose? Well, he is a clown. Got it? Okay, you may also be wondering why Dr. Muffin needs a clown for his magnet. Well he just does. I hope that answers your questions!

Chapter 4 Moose says Moo

“Moo,” says Moose.

Chapter 5 Moose Meets Moo

Moo runs as fast as he can. He has to warn someone of Dr. Muffin’s plan! (Wow, that rhymes. I have a lot of dimes. I use them to buy wind chimes. Ha, ha! Oh, uh, back to the story.) Moo runs and runs. Finally he sees a giant tent with red and white stripes.

“There must be people in there!” thinks Moo.

Moose was just in the middle of ruining the third act when he saw the little squirrel run into the ring. Moose at once knew something was wrong. He rushed over to the squirrel and listened to what it had to say:

“Squeak- chatter!” says Moo

“Someone’s been stealing your acorns? I’m sorry to hear that little squirrel,” says Moose.

“Chatter- squeak!!”

“What, there’s more? …You say there is an evil doctor? And he’s going to- Wait a minute, does this have anything to do with 30ft lima beans? No? Okay sorry. He has a giant cheese Electro magnet and he’s going to do WHAT with it?!! Not that! He can’t! No! Nooooooooo!!!!!” screams Moose, “Duh, what are you still doing here?………………….Oh, right. Tip.”

Chapter 6 Evil People

Back to the warehouse…

“There is just one problem, Squack. How do we persuade this clown to come with us?” Asks Dr. Muffin.

“Um, sir, maybe I could be of assistance,” says Squack, “You see, I have these connections-”

“What kind of connections,” asks Dr. Muffin.

“Well you see-”

“See what, I don’t see anything.”

“Well I have these-”

“These what? Speak up!”

” Well you see! Sir! I have these connections with the-”

“With the what?”

“Sir would you please let me finish!!”

“Okay, fine, have it your way. Nyah. You think you’re so cool, mumble mumble, mumble..”

“Well the point is, I have these connections with the WWF.”

“Hmm, what kind of ‘connections’, Squack?”

“I am very good friends with (dun, don, duunn!!) ‘THE ROCK’.”

“Gasp!”

“Yes, it is pretty impressive.”

“Yep.”

“Yep.”

“Yep.”

“………………Yep.”

“Alright, shut-up.”

Chapter 7 Battle Scars for Hollywood Stars

We are now on a giant black cruise ship. It has big red fangs on the front. The sort of ship only very evil people would have. Guess who is aboard? That’s right, none other than (dun, dun, duunnn!!) the evil Dr. Muffin!!! (Evil guitar solo.) Okay, that’s where we are……….yep. Okay. Right.

Dr. Muffin and ‘The Rock” are talking business. I don’t mean good business, I mean bad business. Real bad. In fact, it’s so bad it’s evil. Very evil. Yes.

“The Rock is a Hollywood wrestler, exclaims The Rock! The Rock is a star, yells The Rock!” yells the Rock, “Why would The Rock want to do something stupid like that, questions? This angers The Rock!!”

The Rock breaks off a leg of the nearest table.

“You will pay for your insolence!!” shouts the Rock in a Darth Vader kind of voice.

He is using the leg as a kind of bat.

Dr. Muffin is hiding behind Squack. He is holding him like a shield from the Rock.

“Please don’t hurt me!” squeals Dr. Muffin.

“I am going to rip off your arm off and beat you to death with it, yells The Rock!” shouts the Rock, “I am going to do to you what I did to that table, shouts The Rock! The Rock says that he is going to squeeze you so hard your guts come out of –”

“Okay, okay! I get the point already!” says Dr. Muffin, ” Sheesh!”

Just then the Rock let out a viscous war cry and slammed the leg on Squack’s head. It launched him off the ship and into the water. Immediately after Squack hits the water a giant 747 crashes right on top of him. Then both the plane and Sqack sink down

down

down.

“Now that was a freak accident,” says Dr. Muffin.

“Yeah… weird,” says the Rock.

Suddenly Dr. Muffin remembered the bazooka he kept in his back pocket. He pulled it out and pointed it at the Rock.

“Okay buddy it’s my way or the freeway…… or something,” says Dr. Muffin.

“Okay, okay. The Rock will kidnap the clown for you,” says the Rock.

“Good, good…Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!!” laughs Dr. Muffin.

Chapter 8 Achoo (gezuntight)

We find Moose in New York, walking up and down the streets

looking for Dr. Muffin. He is mumbling to himself:

“Mumble, mumble, mumble… duh, guhh, umm, mumble, mumble. Giant cheese Electro magnet. Lima bean. Whee! Sledding on pudding.”

He walks in front of a weird shop called:

THE I.T.C.H.

Hippie Heaven

-It’s Quacktastic!-

A man with purple glasses, long hair, and flowers on his clothes jumped out and said:

“Whoa, dude! Are you some sort of hippie master? Whoa! All bow down! Whoa!”

“Duh, my name is Goose, no Moose. He, I, someone is looking for- I like cheese,” said Moose.

“Whoa… uh, cool. I’m Achoo. This, my friend, is the I.T.C.H. The International Thing for Cool Hippies. We like flowers and stuff… it’s fun.”

“Oh right… there’s something I need to tell you.”

“What?”

“Don’t do drugs.”

“No, seriously. I am a hippie.”

“Duh, okay.”

“Quack!”

“Where’d that come from?!”

“Excuse me. Duh, do you know where a phone is?”

“There’s a payphone right around the corner.”

“Corn- ear?”

“That way.”

Chapter 9 Payphone Rage

Moose walks up to the payphone.

“Dang, no shiny thingys,” says Moose, “Got to find 35 c’s.”

“Anyperson gots any c’s?!!”yells Moose.

A burglar that was stealing an old lady purse yelled back:

“WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? DID YOU SAY YOU WANTED A ‘C’? SHUT- UP!”

“Umm, I need thirty- five c’s so I can make a phone call.”

“Oh, you need thirty- five cents,” said the burglar.

“No, actually, I need thirty- five c’s.”

“Well, um… take this shiny thingy and this other shiny thing. Hello! Duh, I’m an idiot! Duhhh! Duh! Duh! Duh!”

Moose is angry. (You would be too!)

“Argh! PAYPHONE RAGE!!!” screams Moose. Moose starts kicking the phone, “Ow!” Moose is jumping around in circles screaming and looking like a complete idiot, “Duh, stupid phone!” says Moose as he spanked the phone.

Moose dials a number.

Chapter 10 Squack Returns

“Um, hello?” says Moose.

“Hello, this is ‘We Let You Borrow a Car then You Give it Back to Us Later Along with Fifty Dollars Place’, how may I help you?”

“Duh, I want to rent a car,” says Moose.

“Okay, we’ll have one there in less than five minutes, or your money back!”

“Um, okay,” thinks Moose.

After about five minutes a car pulled up and a man covered in bandages stepped out. Moose is still on the phone.

“Did you ask for a car?” asks the man.

“Duh, yeah,” says Moose, still talking into the phone.

“Well take it.”

“Um… okay…”

Moose tries to get into the phone by the coin slot.

“Are you looking for the evil Dr. Muffin?” asks the man.

“Um, yes,” says Moose in a nervous voice.

“He’s in Meanietown, Texas in an abandoned warehouse.”

“Uh, thank you…”

“What?! I don’t look that weird with all these bandages do I?”

“No… of course not… Uh, thanks again.”

“I’m Squack. A plane fell on me. Here,” says Squck as he hands Moose a bomb belt, “Take this.”

“Okay, bye.”

Moose drives off, “Don’t do drugs,” Moose says to himself.

A Porsche skids out in front of Moose and slows down a lot so Moose slams into it. Then it drives off.

“Duh, hey! That wasn’t very nice!” says Moose, “Do not try to get away- ‘resistance is futile’!”

Uh, oh! The after affects of payphone rage- ROAD RAGE!

Chapter 11 I am The Rock

We find The Rock at a wrestling game in Hollywood fighting “Mr. Happy Guy”

“I am going to win states The Rock!” states The Rock.

“Yeah? Well I’ve just got one question for you,” says Mr. Happy Guy, “Do you like my costume? I just love pink!”

The Rock’s cell phone rings.

“Yeah, whatever. Hang on, I’ve got a call,” says The Rock as he picks up his phone, “Hello?”

“What are you doing?! You’re supposed to be kidnapping that clown!”

“Oh, hi Doctor. Yeah, I’m working on it. Okay. What? Fired? Why you- oh well… Okay, bye,” says the Rock, “Argh! That guy makes me angry exclaims The Rock!” exclaims The Rock.

“Hey, maybe we should talk this over, or have a group hug… uh- oh,” says Mr. Happy Guy.

The Rock picks up Mr. Happy Guy and throws him far out into the crowd.

“The winner!” shouts the announcer, holing up The Rock’s arm.

Chapter 12 New Allies

We find Moose on a main street trying to shove the Porsche driver’s head into his exhaust pipe

A monster truck pulls up next to Moose. The Rock steps out of the car.

“Ahhh!!!” screams the Porsche driver, “Okay! I give up! Take the car! Ahhh!!!”

“Okay, bye,” says Moose.

“Okay Moose! The Rock states that we are going to get that Dr. Muffin! The Rock argues that no one fires The Rock! Right, questions The Rock! Let’s go, Moose!” shouts The Rock.

The Rock takes out a giant chaingun and starts shooting it in the air like a maniac. He is screaming and foaming at the mouth.

“Uh- oh… PYCHO!” thinks Moose.

They both speed off to Dr. Muffin’s hideout.

Chapter 13 Hideout

Moose and The Rock pull up to the warehouse (Dr. Muffin’s hideout). There is one guard in front

of the warehouse. He has a monkey puppet on his hand. The puppet is holding a little spear.

The guard is throwing his voice so that it sounds like the monkey is talking. It talks in a voice exactly like Elmo (from Seasame Street). We can hear the monkey talking: “Well personally, I think a giant cheese Electro magnet is a wonderful idea!” says the monkey.

“I still don’t see how getting all the cheese on Earth is going to get him to rule the world. Also, why does he need a clown?” asks the guard, “What does that have to do with an Electro magnet? And how does the magnet attract cheese? How does- ”

“Oh shut up! You see it all works like this-”

The monkey stops talking and looks at Moose, who has just gotten out of the car and walked up to the guard.

“- Halt! You can’t go in there! Go away!”

“Duh, umm. Um, duh umm, umm. Uhhh…-”

“What the clown is trying to say,” says The Rock, “is…. Die!!!!”

The Rock takes out his chaingun and – ***

” – I is a person that Dr. Muffin wants to see… yes,” says Moose.

“Oh! Well why didn’t you say so! Right this way!” replies the monkey.

The guard leads Moose up to Dr. Muffin’s office.

“Ahh, Moose! I see you have come just as I suspected,” says Dr. Muffin in an evil voice.

“You knew that?!” says Moose, astonished.

“Well, um, OF COURSE! I am The Brilliant Dr. Muffin!”

“I thought it was the Evil Dr. Muffin.”

“Well, it was… but now it’s not!”

“Oh,” says Moose, “Let me ponder this for a while…”

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

*** Whoops! got a little carried away, there! I had to edit that part out, too violent. The Rock has left to go fight “Stone Cold”.

Chapter 14 Ponder

Ponder…

Chapter 15 Boom Ha, Ha

“Moose it is time for you to go into my giant cheese Electro magnet so I can rule the world!” yells Dr. Muffin.

Moose knows what he must do. He has to set off the bomb once he is inside the magnet.

Dr. Muffin leads him to an enormous magnet. They walk up to the door. Dr. Muffin is about to push Moose in, whet Moose takes off the bomb belt from under his shirt. He shoves Dr. Muffin in and throws in the belt after him.

The bomb is about to go off! Moose was planning on running away, but instead he just stands there and laughs at Dr. Muffin.

“HA, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!!”

The bomb goes off and Moose, Dr. Muffin, and the guard all die.

THE WORLD IS SAVED!

Yay!

Chapter 16 Stuff

The Rock-

“I am the rock, states The Rock!” states The Rock! “AHHH, HA HA, HA, HA!!!”

The Writer-

Hello! Nya, nya, nya!

Lists

Interesting Facts

Leave a comment

1. The citrus soda 7-UP was created in 1929; “7” was selected because the original containers were 7 ounces. “UP” indicated the direction of the bubbles.

2. Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.

3. The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma.

4. American car horns beep in the tone of F.

5. No piece of paper can be folded more than 7 times.

6. Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.

7. 1 in every 4 Americans has appeared on television.

8. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.

9. Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older.

10. The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley’s gum.

11. The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.

12. A Boeing 747s wingspan is longer than the Wright brother’s first flight.

13. Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

14. The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen’s “Born in the USA.”

15. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

16. The 57 on the Heinz ketchup bottle represents the number of Varieties of pickles the company once had.

17. The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.

18. Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.

19. The first owner of the Marlboro company died of lung cancer.

20. Barbie’s full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.

21. Betsy Ross is the only real person to ever have been the head on a Pez dispenser.

22. Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.

23. Adolf Hitler’s mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.

24. Marilyn Monroe had six toes.

25. All US Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn’t like being seen wearing them in public.

26. Walt Disney was afraid of mice.

27. The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in jelly

28. Debra Winger was the voice of E.T.

29. Pearls melt in vinegar.

30. It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a year’s supply of footballs.

31. Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

32. The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

33. Average life span of a major league baseball: seven pitches.

34. A duck’s quack doesn’t echo and no one knows why.

35. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

36. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

37. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

38. The average person’s left hand does 56% of the typing.

39. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

40. There are more chickens than people in the world.

41. Two-thirds of the world’s eggplant is grown in New Jersey.

42. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is “screeched.”

43. On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.

44. All of the clocks in the movie “Pulp Fiction” are stuck on 4:20.

45. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

46. “Dreamt” is the only English word that ends in the letters “mt.”

47. All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial, on the back of the $5 bill.

48. Almonds are a member of the peach family.

49. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies’ room during a dance.

50. Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.

51. There are only four words in the English language which end in “dous”: tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.

52. Los Angeles’ full name is “El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula”

53. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

54. An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.

55. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

56. In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.

57. Al Capone’s business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

58. The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street, were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra’s “It’s a Wonderful Life,”

59. A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.

60. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

61. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

62. It’s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

63. The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.

64. In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.

65. The microwave was invented, after a researcher walked by a radar tube, and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

66. Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister.

67. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.

68. There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.

69. “Stewardesses” is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.

70. Did you ever notice when you blow in a dogs face it gets mad at you but when you take the dog in a car it sticks its head out the window?

71. Sometimes…when you cry, no one sees your tears. Sometimes…when you are happy, no one sees your smile. But fart just one time….

72. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments!

73. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE.

74. David Duchovny was in a porno series called the Red Shoe Diaries where he read letters from people telling him a story, reading it aloud for his dog. He never got any, actually, in the show.

75. The main character from Pay It Forward died from a stomach wound

76. Dacky was made in paint by Fajita Bum

77. You CAN get into trouble for calling a white guy Aunt Jemima and calling him that name 10 times a day for a year

78. The AAA DOES NOT care about right triangles

79. Tiger’s Hit Clips don’t play the whole song. You buy less than a song

80. The cards in Guess Who? don’t actually talk

81. All the pets in really old movies over 10 years, are all (most likely) dead

82. Tagalong Girl Scout cookies cost 20 cents a cookie, at $3.00 a box of 15

Lists

Top 10 Signs You Have a Bad Pilot

Leave a comment

10. You overhear him say on the intercom “Hey, Pedro, What’s this gizmo do?”

9. For the past two hours, you’ve been going straight up.

8. He says, “We’re cruising at an altitude of 45 feet.”

7. Co-pilot is sitting on his lap.

6. When you take off he yells, “Weeeeeeeeee!”

5. At some point he announces, “Screw Chicago, let’s go find that Mars observer!”

4. He’s wearing a Domino’s Pizza uniform.

3. Over P.A. you hear, “Heh, heh, heh, this plane sucks, heh, heh, heh.”

2. As you get on the plane you recognize the pilot as the same guy who drove your cab to the airport.

1. Keeps referring to the control tower as “Mommy.”

Squackle Sports Arena, Squackle Arcade

Airplane Soccer – Rules

Leave a comment

Materials: A working airplane, soccer balls

# of Players: At least 2 plus 2 referees, and a pilot

What You Do:

1. Take out all the seats in the airplane

2. Take off into the air, with the doors closed

3. While in the air, start playing soccer, and the 2 referees open the doors to the outside. Caution: The referees may die without proper precautions, like a parachute.

4. Kick the ball into the door on the other person’s side and out the door

5. If there is a goalie, they have to stand right next to the door and save the ball before it goes out

6. After 80 minutes of play, whoever has the most points or one team that is left alive, wins

Boundaries: The airplane