Plastic surgeons never pick up hitchhikers. They believe everyone should pay for a lift.
Joke #12927
A doctor finished his examination and said to his patient, “My advice is to stop drinking and smoking and get plenty of sleep. Also stop staying out all night. That’s the best thing for you.”
The patient gulped and replied, “To be honest, Doc, I don’t deserve the best. What is second best?”
Joke #12926
There’s something new on the medical market. It’s called the Hypochondriac’s Almanac. It’s the perfect gift for people who swear they have everything.
Joke #12925
Modern medicine isn’t that great. Doctors still can’t explain why or how a man who’s healthy all through the work year gets sick on the first day of his vacation.
Joke #12924
DOCTOR: “Miss Smith, contrary to what you seem to think, you do not get Hong Kong flu from eating contaminated Chow Mein.”
Joke #12923
DOCTOR: “How’s the woman who swallowed the spoon?”
NURSE: “She hasn’t stirred at all.”
Joke #12922
A dentist told his patient, “I’m sorry, but your eye tooth will have to come out.”
The patient yelled, “I’ll still be able to see, won’t I?”
Joke #12921
Did you hear about the psychiatrist who put wheels on his couch so he could make house calls?
Joke #12920
A man went to see his doctor. The doctor said to him, “Are you following my orders to only have one drink a day, Mr. Jones?”
Mr. Jones replied, “Yes, I am, Doctor. Right now I’m up to March 5, 1985.”
Joke #12919
One thing you can always count on. That’s getting sick or having an accident as soon as your medical insurance expires.
Joke #12918
DENTAL INSTRUCTOR: “Gentlemen, how much should you charge a patient for a toothache?”
DENTAL STUDENT: “Don’t be ridiculous, Professor. Who’d want to buy a toothache?”
Joke #12917
PSYCHIATRIST: “When did you first notice you were a cat, Mrs. Huggson?”
MRS. HUGGSON: “Oh, in about my fifth or sixth life.”
Joke #12916
Did you hear about the shoe who went to see his doctor? Seems he wanted to be heeled.
Joke #12915
I told my doctor I’m the first man on the face of the earth to suffer from morning sickness. When I wake up in the morning and see my wife in curlers and face cream, I get sick to my stomach.
Joke #12914
CONFUCIUS SAY: “No doctor is a good doctor who has never been ill himself.”