Category Archives: Audio

Songs, sound files, etc.

Squacklecast Episode 8 – “Wait Till We Do a Number 9”

June 4, 2012 davepoobond (DPB) Leave a comment

This entry is part 8 of 38 in the series The Squacklecast

We have a guest this week! It’s Daniel, the guy that went to the strawberry festival last week. We put him on the grill and insult his decision for going to the strawberry festival along with his weird two-headed friend, Lucy the Two-Headed Goosey.

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Did you have a half naked wannabe Hulk running around during your visit to the theater during The Avengers? Did he look as bad as this guy who used industrial paint and had to take 20 baths in two days to try to get it off?

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http://www.strawberryfestival.org/

What have we become? A never ending http://www.strawberryfestival.org/ ad for the http://www.strawberryfestival.org/ Strawberry Festival? http://www.strawberryfestival.org/

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In honor of the Zombie Apocalypse, AMC is starting a new show called…

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Zombie Apocalypse 2012:

Guy eating someone’s face off in Florida.

Guy eating his roommates brain in Maryland.

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Get off my computer, Jamie Oliver. You’re not a chemist. You’re just an asshole.

Silly Jaime Oliver, we shouldn’t be throwing away perfectly edible food. We should at least ship it off to Africa!

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McDonalds used to be a value. Now they try to sell you everything in bulk so that there is the same perceived value as what was once known as the Dollar Menu.

Only 20 bucks!

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That new Coldplay song is pretty bad. It doesn’t even sound like a Coldplay song.

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Rihanna looks dumb. Please remove her from my music and movies.

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Carly Rae Jepsen? Who stepped in what? Yet another terrible song for your listening pleasure:

The Sky Is The Limit must be gay code for anal sex. So is “funnel cake.”

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#1 – Piss

#2 – Poo

#3 – Poop and Pee at the same time.

#4 – Poo, Pee, and a Yak (a barf). Mostly done by bulimics and people who don’t feel very good.

#5 – Opening up your intestine and chopping up parts and throwing it at police (Zombies gotta poop somehow)

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The newer Dawn of the Dead introduced running zombies. Is it really that much weirder than the idea of zombies in the first place?

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[Rec] was a “demonic infestation” sort of zombie thing rather than a virus or reanimated corpses due to magic/radiation. By the way, that was a spoiler.

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Want to hire screamers with 13 dB yells or higher to make movies seem more scary than they are. Apply at the offices of William Castle.

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Facebook and Mark Zuckerburg jokes are so funny.

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The real #5 – Peeing inside someone. A whole #1, while penetrating them.

#6 – Same thing as #5 but taking a shit on them instead.

#7 – Forced ejaculation

#8 – Vegetables in orifices, coming out.

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The #1 (pun intended) defense against Zombies is making a house out of sugary treats.

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#9 – You don’t even need a can opener. You just peel it back and drop that shit in, then you turn it to medium heat and stir it.

#10 – Strawberry sauce/Period Juice on your Hot Dog.

#11 – “Painting the porta potty.” The paintbrush is your dick and the porta potty is a person’s ass.

X Squared – all of the above

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Boy that was a great one, huh, guys? Who knows what’s going to happen next week!

Media, The Squacklecast

Squacklecast Episode 7 – “FUCK the Strawberry Festival!”

May 26, 2012 davepoobond (DPB) Leave a comment

This entry is part 7 of 38 in the series The Squacklecast

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | RSS

This week we watched Chernobyl Diaries, a movie about a bunch of college kids going to Russia to dick around and take Instagrams of ruined buildings and put them in meaningless filters so that they can show off to their friends. They also bring their crazy knife-wielding soccer coach along for the lulz.

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Chernobyl Diaries has an old zombie lady masturbating in a closet in an attic of one of the buildings. Gross!

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Too much Carrie Underwood and Colbie Caillat in Chernobyl Diaries for my taste. It’s almost like a boring wedding video.

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This is the knife that the soccer coach had.

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Why does Will Smith like making sequels to movies 10 years after the fact? It’s not like he was doing anything that important in the mean time between movies. If he’s going to make a shitty movie, he might as well make it while it is still relevant.

Bad Boys (1995) -> Bad Boys II (2003) = 8 years

Men in Black II (2002) -> Men In Black III (2012) = 10 years

I, Robot (2004) -> I, Robot 2 (currently 2015) = ~11 years

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Hologram Tupac takes the forefront in Men In Black III, don’t be fooled by the trailers. They’re pulling a Metal Gear Solid 2 on us.

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Ali 2 will be Will Smith walking around with Parkinson’s until he either cures it or dies from it, made in 2018.

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Independence Day 2 or even 3? Welcome to URF again in 10 years!

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Jeff Goldblum and Will Smith shitting on their White House and blowing up alien landmarks. How do you like that, mother fuckers!? Aliens getting shit on all the time!

Kind of sounds like Avatar…

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Avatar 2 is gonna be at the bottom of the ocean. Or something. You heard it here first, Jeff Goldblum is in Avatar 2.

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On the flip side of things, Prometheus looks like it’ll be a good movie.

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AVP and AVP 2 are no bueno.

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Mortal Kombat: Legacy was terrible. You should watch it. It was directed by that guy that did Fame.

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Street Fighter and The Legend of Chun-Li had it right — only have a story about one character, not 35 million characters at the same time. That’s about the only thing they did right, and the rest of it was so wrong it was right.

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Paul W.S. Anderson is the poor man’s Michael Bay. And obviously not as good looking.

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Dead Or Alive is one of Paul W.S. Anderson’s travesties. But at least that is better than any of Uwe Boll‘s movies.

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The Island is a less classy version of Never Let Me Go.

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George Lucas would probably go back into the Star Wars movies and remove Ewan MacGregor’s beauty marks just so that it is consistent through all of the movies.

Kind of something like this:

Ewan MacGregor After George Lucas Had His Way With Him

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And most of all, FUCK THE STRAWBERRY FESTIVAL!

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Did you hear they banned plastic bags in LA? Fuck that shit! How am I supposed to line my little trash cans?

Everything is going to be made from the blood of trees now.

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The Middle East is just a big fucking desert, who cares what happens to the environment there. No one freakin lives there anyway. So let’s toss all of our unused plastic bags into it.

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See you guys next week! :licky:

Media, The Squacklecast

Squacklecast Episode 6 – “Mermaid Off the Port Bow!”

May 19, 2012 davepoobond (DPB) 1 Comment

This entry is part 6 of 38 in the series The Squacklecast

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | RSS

Whoa, did we miss another week? Sorry ya’ll, but this week we’ll take a look at The Little Mermaid, Snow White, and how they’re both kind of crappy movies. The reason why we’re even bothering? Because Billy never watched it before last week!

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The Evil Queen should have put Snow White into a sleeper hold and then shot her.

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Little Mermaid run time – 83 minutes

Snow White run time – 83 minutes

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Who would do a credit for “Birds”? Purv Pullen, of course.

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Bedtime for Bonzo… a movie with Ronald Reagan and a chimpanzee! I’d guess its a movie about killing a lab chimpanzee from the title.

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Squackle Film Festival, with Troll 2 to begin and to end! Also featuring Strange Saga of Hiroshi the Sex Machine and Hooking Up. More movies to be announced at a later date.

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Wouldn’t YOU like to penetrate the Little Mermaid?

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Sebastian is just a scrotum with a huge penis coming out of it along with pincers. A dick with pincers, even.

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Ariel would qualify for being an episode of Hoarders.

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TWO new Snow White movies? Whyyyyy? Number 1. Number 2.

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Who the fuck is that guy in the mirror? It must be Zordon.

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The fairest one of all?

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WHO PUT A DICK IN THIS BOX?

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Whatever you do, don’t search for “Little Mermaid Hentai…”

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Will it be two weeks or next week that we do the next podcast? No one knows.

Media, The Squacklecast

Squacklecast Episode 5 – “We’re Back! An Avenger’s Story”

May 6, 2012 davepoobond (DPB) Leave a comment

This entry is part 5 of 38 in the series The Squacklecast

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | RSS

We’re back! Sorry for the no-podcast-last-week thing. Hope you didn’t miss us too much. This week, the summer blockbuster The Avengers is talked about in great detail.

Strongly be advised that this week’s podcast has spoilers about The Avengers!!

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My shoe is bigger than this car! (Expendables 2 Trailer)

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We touch upon the similarities The Avengers has with Battleship

and Transformers 3

They must be copying and pasting all those city-wide destruction scenes from each other.

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Jeremy Renner was a good bad guy in The Avengers, but not as good at being bad as in SWAT.

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Did YOU know there was another Hemsworth? I didn’t.

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Why I don’t like Mark Ruffalo as Hulk? This quote:

Mark Ruffalo describes Bruce Banner as “a guy struggling with two sides of himself, the dark and the light; everything he does in his life is filtered through issues of control.” He furthermore describes Banner’s alter ego the Hulk as “a loose cannon – he’s the teammate none of them are sure they want, it’s like throwing a grenade into the middle of the group and hoping it turns out well!”

Great analysis of your character, now tell us something we don’t all know. He’s a loose cannon? For chrissakes can’t you think of something more interesting to say?

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Eric Banna’s Hulk vs. Edward Norton’s The Incredible Hulk

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Columbo vs. Perry Mason GO

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That Thanos guy looks a lot like Darkseid.

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Liam Neeson as Liam Neeson in The Avengers 2.

and also Maverick and Iceman.

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It’s my money and I need it now! Cause I’m BACK!

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And if you don’t know the reference in the episode title, here it is.

Media, The Squacklecast

Squacklecast Episode 4 – “DJ Honey, Drop It!”

April 22, 2012 davepoobond (DPB) Leave a comment

This entry is part 4 of 38 in the series The Squacklecast

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | RSS

DJ HONEY, DROP IT!

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Now onto what we actually talk about.

This week we talk about The Lucky One, starring Zac Efron, and how dumb the premise sounds without actually watching the movie!

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Zac Efron’s bra trick apparently makes him a super hero.

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Dear John is a little more sensible than The Lucky One, wouldn’t you say?

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Don’t you get it? I FORGOT what THE VOW was which was ABOUT AMNESIA?!??!

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Rachel McAdams is apparently in movies.

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Channing Tatum wasn’t the standout figure in the first GI Joe.

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GI Joe Retaliation can’t be worse than the first one… right?

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EVERYBODY’S DEAD!!!

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Rachel Nichols is so beautiful…

She was in P2

With Wes Bentley

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Jonathan Pryce as “U.S. President” in GI Joe 2? NOT BELIEVABLE

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Zac Efron and Channing Tatum in a gay romance movie? It’s gonna happen. DAT BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN MARKET.

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Charlie St. Cloud is a movie about Zac Efron getting dating tips from his dead younger brother’s ghost. And something about sailing?

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Pretty In Pink, I like that shit.

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Theres about 100 more GI Joe characters to kill off before they reboot the franchise.

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Everything you need to know about the ThunderCats.

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I hate musicals. And just because its a gay-themed one doesn’t mean I’m going to be guilted into liking it!

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And this BearCity movie looks pretty gross. Lots of hair. I get enough of that in the mirror.

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The Sound of Music is gay in the happy way.

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“Video Team” is an amazing name for a company.

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Edward Penishands???

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Thanks for listening this week. Maybe next week we’ll talk about more porn.

Media, The Squacklecast

Squacklecast Episode 3 – “Live at Roscoe’s!!!”

April 14, 2012 davepoobond (DPB) Leave a comment

This entry is part 3 of 38 in the series The Squacklecast

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | RSS

Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles is the host of the Squacklecast this week! Well, not really, but we did just eat there before we recorded the podcast. We would have went to MoLAA (Museum of Los Angeles Assholes) but we had a podcast to record!

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I hate Instagr.am — it does NUTH HING. Our shitty phones have all the shitty effects Instagram applies to your shitty pictures already.

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I want to see Houseguest re-released in theaters.

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Sinbad was in Good Burger…

and First Kid.

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Brock Pierce? He’s gotta be a porn actor now…

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The shitty trailer for LOL:

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Are We ~~There~~ Canceled Yet?

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James Spader was in a couple of space movies, like Supernova, Stargate, and Speaking of Sex.

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The Ice Pirates is one of my favorite movies of all time.

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The Strange Saga of Hiroshi the Freeloading Sex Machine is a “pink erotica” film from Japan full of medium-core sex, cucumbers shoved in asses, public nudity, lesbian sex in a graveyard, and people jerking it on top of fire escape ladders.

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Saving Silverman > Jersey Girl

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American Reunion – another tragedy loosely based off the actual actor’s lives?

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Bad Taste is one of Peter Jackson’s movies that he made before Lord of the Rings.

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Boiler Room is Ben Affleck’s best movie, because he wasn’t the main character.

It was much better than Daredevil, obviously.

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SHUT UP ALREADY!

See you guys next week.

Media, The Squacklecast

Squacklecast Episode 2 – “We Planned This Out”

April 7, 2012 davepoobond (DPB) Leave a comment

This entry is part 2 of 38 in the series The Squacklecast

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | RSS

Hello again, faithful Squacklers! This week we talk about more random movies with the second episode of the Squacklecast — “We Planned This Out.” Davepoobond and Solid Billy take on the pressing questions of our times, like “Why does Jean Claude Van Damme play the same character in Kickboxer and Bloodsport?” and realizing that Sean Bean is actually a lazy actor because he dies in practically all his movies so he doesn’t have to act anymore!

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The Schticky Commercial:

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Vince Offer was arrested for an altercation with a prostitute.

And here’s his mugshot!

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Vince Offer should just get a lavalier mic. But he insists on using his stupid headset.

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The Shamwow Spanish commercial:

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The SlapChop!

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The Better Marriage Blanket

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American Reunion is coming out.

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American Pie: The Naked Mile was pretty dumb.

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Shannon Elizabeth could carry a movie by herself as a stereotypical foreigner.

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End of Days is probably better than Collateral Damage.

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John Leguizamo’s List of Victims

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There was a lot of innuendo in Home Alone 2.

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Training Day is a lot more like Home Alone 2 than you might care to realize…

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Home Alone 3 was also a travesty.

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There were only two black guys in Glory, a movie about a black-american regiment in the Civil War.

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Dr. Who should reunite all the James Bonds in a “reunion” movie.

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Little Man should be re-released in 3D.

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Song of the South should be released in 3D, too. But its in the Disney Vault’s Secret Chamber, never to be seen again.

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Bloodsport vs. Kickboxer – more like red haired guy vs. black guy with a machine gun!

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Sean Bean dies in all the movies he’s in:

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Someone getting hurt or killed during a robbery should be a given, shouldn’t it?

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Ca$h is the movie where Sean Bean dies twice.

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Thanks for tuning in! Next time we’ll be live at Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles.

Media, The Squacklecast

Squacklecast Episode 1 – “Episode 468”

April 2, 2012 davepoobond (DPB) Leave a comment

This entry is part 1 of 38 in the series The Squacklecast

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | RSS

Hello everyone! This is the first episode of the Squacklecast, named “Episode 468,” with your hosts davepoobond and Solid Billy. If you aren’t aware, you can click the “play” button above to start the podcast. You can also play it in a popup window or even download it.

This post is meant to supplement the Squacklecast so that you can easily refer to all the things that we are talking about.

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Katy Perry – Part of Me music video