WIFE: “It’s outrageous that this tow truck driver is charging fifty dollars to tow us only two miles.”
HUSBAND: “Don’t worry, dear, he’s going to earn his pay. I have the brakes on.”
Category Archives: Jokes
The whole Joke archive. Tons of jokes!
Joke #12779
Two businessmen met on a cruise and struck up a conversation. one said, “I took this trip with insurance money. I got ten thousand dollars for fire damage to my store.”
The other man replied, “What a coincidence! I’m here on insurance money too. I collected twenty thousand dollars for flood damage to my store.”
The first man eyed the other for a few minutes and then leaned over and whispered, “Say, how do you start a flood?”
Joke #12778
Q: How do you make a woman explode?
A: Try dropping one.
Joke #12777
Being an entomologist is hard work. It would drive me buggy!
Joke #12776
BOSS: “The other night I dreamed I was dead.”
EMPLOYEE: “What woke you up, the intense heat?”
Joke #12775
Q: Why are writers the strangest creatures in the world?
A: Because their tales come out of their heads.
Joke #12774
A movie star returned to his boyhood home for the first time since he became famous. “I guess everyone around here talks a lot about me,” the star said to the mayor.
“That’s right,” agreed the mayor. “You’re so famous we even put a sign in front of your old house.”
The movie star beamed. “Really?” he exclaimed. “What does the sign say?”
Smiling broadly, the mayor replied, “It says Stop!”
Joke #12773
Q: Did you hear about the lady who was proud to call herself a housewife?
A: She was married to Matthew J. House, a wealthy businessman.
Joke #12772
BUTCHER TO SOCIALITE: “Lady, believe me, there is no such thing as a pedigreed hotdog.”
Joke #12771
BACHELOR: “Listen, baby, you’ve got to admit that guys like me don’t grow on trees.”
GIRL: “No, they swing from them!”
Joke #5264
COACH: “Kronsky, you’re overweight. You spend too much time at the dinner table.”
PLAYER: “Coach, it’s not the minutes I spend at the table that puts all of this weight on me. It’s the seconds.
Joke #12743
My husband is killing himself trying to keep up with the Joneses. They’re joggers.
Joke #12742
Leopard hunters are men who love to see spots before their eyes.
Joke #12741
Girls, never date F.B.I. agents. Not only do they want your name and number, but also your fingerprints.
Joke #12740
My neighbors think they’re big deals just because they have a marble table top. How they had the patience to glue together all those marbles I’ll never know.