TEACHER: “Smith, who shot Abraham Lincoln?”
SMITH: “Ask someone else, I’m no squealer.”
Category Archives: (F) Conversational Joke
Joke #12573
“Why is your dog so mean?”
“When he was sick, he ate a lot of crab grass.”
Joke #12569
“Does your dog speak when he wants a bone?”
“No, he barks just like an ordinary dog.”
Joke #12568
MAN (in pet store): “What’s the difference between a mutt and a pedigreed dog?”
PET STORE OWNER: “About a hundred fifty dollars.”
Joke #12557
COBBLER TO CUSTOMER: “I can tell you why my soles don’t wear as well as they used to. It’s because these days all the good leather goes into steaks.”
Joke #12550
BUSINESSMAN: “I hate gin and vermouth.”
SECRETARY: “Then why do you have twelve martinis for lunch every day?”
BUSINESSMAN: “I can’t help myself. I love olives.”
Joke #12544
CONSUMER: “The latest thing is a store that’s a combination butcher shop and health spa.”
MAN: “You can’t be serious.”
CONSUMER: “But I am. If you go into the store, you have to join the spa before the butcher will trim the fat off your meat.”
Joke #12541
OVERHEARD: “Last Christmas I gave her something worth 25 dollars — a fifty-dollar bill.”
Joke #12536
I.R.S. AGENT: “Mr. Smith, you’ve been claiming your mother as a tax exemption for five years, and she’s been deceased for five years. What is your explanation?”
SMITH: “Well, you see, sir, my mother is still very much alive in my heart.”
Joke #12487
TEDDY: “Will you marry me, my darling?”
TINA: “I’m not sure. You’ve been married five times and I’ve heard some nasty stories about you.”
TEDDY: “Don’t believe any of them. Those stores are nothing, but old wives’ tales.”
Joke #12484
JAKE: “Moe, if you loan me five thousand dollars, I’ll be everlastingly indebted to you.”
MOE: “That’s what I’m afraid of.”
Joke #12482
Talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth. The other day I asked my boss, “What’s the first thing you would do if someone gave you a million dollars?”
And you know what the boss replied? “I’d count it to make sure it was all there.”
Joke #12473
PAPER BOY: “There’s a guy on my route who has sixty-two different daily newspaper delivered to his place every day.”
GIRL: “Wow. He must be a well-read intellectual.”
PAPER BOY: “Nope. He owns a pet store.”
Joke #12466
POLITICIAN: “I ask you to vote for me. I’m a man who never stole anything in my life. And all I want is a chance.”
Joke #12451
“I’m glad to see that inflation hasn’t affected our local Congressman.”
“What do you mean?”
“He’s still a two-bit politician.”