All posts by blowthetoad

World, Screwed Up Chronicles

Voting

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I fucking hate it when people say “oh you better vote for your country!”.. thats stupid. When has a presidential campaign
ever been won by a SINGLE vote? (okay maybe it’s happened before, who cares) Im never going to vote, EVER! it’s
a waste of time. This is just like screaming at a concert. what the fuck? Do you really think it is necessary? I know
that ‘every person makes a difference’ well I dont give a shit… i also hate people that go to parades. WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!
who goes to parades? or like, christmas strolls.. its all stupid shit. i hate season clothing because you can only wear it for like a week
and if you have nothing to wear in march and you wear your halloween sweater then you’ll get the shit beat out of you. especially if
nobody likes you as it is. i hate people that say the pledge of allegiance at school. you dont HAAAVE to, and at this age (high school)
you’re not fucking patriotic, and if you are, you’re just trying to get attention. My mom once dated a black guy, and do you see me
wearing a damn christmas sweater right now? hell NO!

People, Screwed Up Chronicles

The Guard

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Okay, so this one day I was riding my bike home from (private) school, when this security guard in front of the mall rides after me all fast. He was pretty young, but older than me. That was for sure. Yeah. no… yeah.

I didnt do anything wrong, so I kept it cool and rode my bike at an average speed. I was at the corner of Market St. and Gray Ave. The security guard rides his bike up behind me and was all like “okay, you take this side, and I’ll take this side.” and I was all like “what the fuck are you talking about?” and he just repeated himself.

I told him that i didnt do anything, and that he should go back to the mall but he was all like “I’m done there.” I’m all confused and I’m like “Okay, good for you buddy.”

I go home and put on my robe and slippers, almost forgetting about the strange day. I told my mom to fetch me my pipe, and then at 4:30, I always have to clean Bob’s… err… my step dad’s car and shoot some hoops with that douchebag.

Going back into the house, accompanied by a slap to the ass by Bob; I see my mom talking at the front door.

My mom’s a fat ass so I couldnt see who the hell she was talking to. I look under her legs, and I stare up and see the same security guard talking to her that I saw in front of the mall earlier that day. He had another security guard with him this time, and then the security gaurd patted me on the head and said “hey I saw you today” and I was all thinking “…what the fuck?” and then the other security guard handed me a book and said “here you go you little rascal!”

I looked at the cover and it said “The Book Of Mormon.” What… The… Fuck…

Squackle Broadcasting Company, TV Shows

Jeoparty Episode 1

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Trabek: blah blah blah, Sean Connery, pick.

Sean Connery: Animal Sounds for 100

Trabek: This is the sound a doggy makes.

Sean Connery: Moo

Trabek: No

Sean Connery: Well thats the sound your mother made last night

Trabek: OK, thats not necessary.

Burt Reynolds: Who is uh, Scooby-Doo.

Trabek: No

Burt Reynolds: That was a funny dog Scooby-Doo, he drove around in a van and solved mysteries.

Trabek: That is incorrect

Burt Reynolds: No thats correct. I remember, he had a pal Scrappy Doo.

Trabek: No

French Stewart: Who is John Caffey and the Beaver Brown Band thank you very much I’ll take animal sounds for 800.

Trabek: No! Good Lord! We would have excepted Bow-Wow, or Ruff.

Sean Connery: Ohhh Ruff, just how your mother likes it eh Trabek?

Trabek: C’mon that is way out of line-

(The “We are Experiencing Technical Difficulties” screen comes up, and goes on with the next show)

(end)

Quotes

A Note From Tim

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:: Tim passes note to blowthetoad::

 

Tim: I LIVE IN YOUR DESK!!!…. i’ll give more info later…

 

:: blowthetoad passes note back ::

 

blowthetoad: Well… for the love of bologna! If you live in my desk,

Jerica isn’t German!–(GERMAN PRIDE!)

 

:: Tim passes note back to blowthetoad ::

 

Tim: GRRR… YOU WANNA DIE?!!!!!!

 

:: blowthetoad passes not back ::

 

blowthetoad: well well well…. have the tables have turned… I <u>WILL</u>

hump a monkey’s nose…DEEP! and if your lucky, yo mama will be next!

 

:: Tim passes not back to blowthetoad ::

 

Tim: well… I should bitch slap you to, boy!!

 

:: blowthetoad passes note back ::

 

blowthetoad: has your mom ever been ‘bucked’ by <u>TIM</u> <b>BUCK</B> too?

 

:: Tim passes note back to blowthetoad ::

 

Tim: eat shit

(C) Funny Songs, (F) Theme Songs, Poetry and Songs

The Poo Plux Plan SING ‘A LONG

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Sung to the Beverly Hillbillies theme song.

—————————-

BROUGHT TO YOU BY: SLEEP TRAIN MATRESS CENTER. (not really)

*******************

 

Come on ‘n listen to my story ’bout a man named Wilson

A little scary baby, hardley had any friends

And then one day, he was chewin’ on some poo

And up through his butt popped a can of Mountain Dewwwwww.

Poo, that is, brown gold, smelly mud

 

Well, the first thing you know, old Wilson’s eyes glowed

Lil’ Sherwood said,”Wilson, Like I give a care!”

Said, Poo Plux Plan is the place you oughta be

So they cleaned out their butts and they moved to the Pluuuuux

Poo Plux, that is, gigglesticks’, ::Veronica:: ‘s

 

Well, now it’s time to say goodbye to Wilson and all his friends

They would like to spank you folks for humpin’ their hens

You’re all invited back again to their cool new Clan

Do I have ta remeind you, it’s tha Poo Plux Plaaaaan!?

Wilson’s Plan, that is, it isn’t ‘Ku-Ku’, it deals with a boo-boo.

 

Y’all Check it out, hear?

Stories

Scary Baby Retard

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In the Year 2069, there was a young boy named Wilson.

Wilson was mentaly retarded, and he was a 9 year old trapped inside a 8 month old girl’s body. He often stutterd when he talked, and stumbled over cordless phones for his enjoyment. He had a very unusual temper.

What he does when his temper is temped is… You know what? How about I tell you a story about him, and maybe your heart will be touched by this bisexual scary baby….

One afternoon wilson was at school in his classroom. The teacher was not there,

And his teacher put HIM in charge. He was holding his crayon backwards and poking himself interproprietly on top op the teacher’s desk… naked. His friend Mark put in a CD, and turned up the volume. He jumped ontop of his desk and did the macceréna dressed up in a Cheetah thong, and then the song started… It was ‘Modanna’-I toch myself. Every child was watching Wilson and Mark do their thing, they did a cheer and it went like this:

BANG! BANG!

CHOO-CHOO TRAIN,

C ‘MON WILSON LETS SEE YOUR THANG!

Mark was a jelous little girl.. so she pushed Wilson off of the desk and threw an apple at his vapenis/pigina. Wilson screamed out the words “VERONICAAAAAA!” and he got up and his eyes glowed red. he took beer out of his back pack and drank it. He told him he is a ‘Drunken Master’ and he will do ‘Drunken Monkey’ on him. (for those of you who don’t know… Jackie Chan has a movie called ‘The Legend of Drunken Master’) So then they decided to fight ontop of the school roof and it was the talk of the school… The next day after school, Wilson dressed up in a Rainbow Robe with a Purple Towel Turbin. Un like Mark…. She was naked with a 2 foot bamboo stick connected to her penis. they faught and faught for hours. Wilson tripped over his third foot and fell off the roof. He got up and said “VERONICAAAAAA!” Finaly the princible asked why he said Veronica and didnt get up and fight. Wilson said, “Because.” the princible said, “Because why?” Wilson said, “Because I am having P.M.S, and whenever I get hurt I always say VERONICA!!!!” the princible asked, “Would u like some chocolate?”

Wilson got cunfuzzed and did the macceréna and blew up.

THE END

Find Your Name

Find Your Retard Name

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How to do it: Get your Dad’s last three letters of his first name, say it is Christopher, it would be ‘her’.

Now do the same with your mom’s. Say her name is jackie, it’d be ‘kie’. Put it together: herkie [her-kee].

Now, get your middle name’s last three letters, and your last name’s last FOUR letters. Say it is Greg and Harrison. It would be: regison!

Now…. put them all together, and what do you have? HERKIE REGISON!

If you want to show your retard name, leave a comment!

–

Squackle! Fans’ Retard Names:

Ricfer Iamsen (stimpyismyname)

Uisdes Ottocco (Holmes)

Rgeina Ohnrian (davepoobond)

Minsh Lasea

Ardlen Yreeney

Ertara Annaugh

Ottrol Aronnson

Artncy Nesuart

Sonnor Mesnson

Ndyndy Erthopk

Gerone Adrison

Ark Ami Ernssna

Ottsan Jamnson

Ertryl Ielbolt

Ickis Lancott

Aryudy Nnemann

Shaena Llegina

Ianois Naeskas

Ohnrah Ndyolan

Ertill Arkoway

Honary Rinrsky

Aldron Arepson

Aveane Mesicks

Tisina Ynnrill

Iamcie Sesdder

Ndyisa Annhart

Coblli Alderry

Essisa Layhson

Ikeila Hanhead

Aelesa Aulgnon

Illnie Ertward

Aveane Meskcs

Masfer Nneston

Mas-nna Ardagna

Vidawn Vidnter

Onytha Ottmith

Reyann Reyane

Aryina Fayhall (fail)

Eddern Annuler

Pamhon Stonlton

Ondary Tisbrien

Ertryl Onyllar (David Millar)

Tomsan Kercade

Aryhia Iamppas

Elleen Ephultz

Arkele Eleeman

Venren Itebert

Ertrie Iamelly

Rgerah Ohntzer

Matt Derrikson

IAMRET EENSTON

Aldsan Nneson

Ahenie Orejian

Aldren Otthite

Acktte Meswards

Toilet Peebunch

Rryret Eneenes

Oorneh Verdian

Iamose Oseald

Printer Burner

Ottmeg Cobnson

Gerrie Ethrong

Vanica Itaomic

Ieltie Lleaity

Renine Berrove

Herfer Lesrick

Saklpy Llehian

Leomia Herillo

Enceice Venlin

Aldrly Mesders

Effndy Llynton

Teraye Leedlen

allllealliller

Iamyan Leslish

Prank IMs, Stupid IMs, Chat Logs

#5949: blowthetoad -> ELeMenT

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blowthetoad: WAWAWA!!!!! I ATE A PINK TUNA!

ELeMenT: wtf dude thats sick

blowthetoad: not if you wear pink pants on your head and plug your nose, and look like rodger rabbit, and have a black dot on the tip of your nose!

ELeMenT: dude idk if its drugs you are taking or drugs you need to be takin, but do SOMETHING

blowthetoad: why, roger rabbit is a sex symbol!

ELeMenT: dude get some sleep

blowthetoad: why!!!!! im sexier than the poo in your bottox!

ELeMenT: holy shit dude lol

blowthetoad: but it’s true…..

ELeMenT: hahaa

blowthetoad: don’t laugh at me you bisexual ape with a pokédot pokémon bow in your hair!!!!!!!!!!

ELeMenT: ok

blowthetoad: promise?

blowthetoad: cross your heart?

blowthetoad: hope 2 die?

blowthetoad: stick a poo in your eye?

blowthetoad: DEAL

blowthetoad: :: SHAKES HANDS ::

Stupid IMs, Chat Logs, Prank IMs

#5948: blowthetoad -> KinkyKat

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blowthetoad: how’s carly?

KinkyKat: uMM iM SurE ShEs oK

KinkyKat: whoS Dis

blowthetoad: chicken little

blowthetoad: and you?

KinkyKat: uMM

KinkyKat: BoB

blowthetoad: wow

blowthetoad: my mom’s name is ‘BoB’!!! WITH A CAPITOL B!

KinkyKat: Coo Coo

blowthetoad: Si Si

KinkyKat: LoLz

KinkyKat: coMo eSTa (how are you?)

blowthetoad: asi asi (eh…i’m okay)

blowthetoad: y tu? (and you?)

KinkyKat: Mas o MeNos (:: shrugs ::)

blowthetoad: umm…. ok

blowthetoad: si* (yes)

KinkyKat: Naw FreaLz….

KinkyKat: wHo i S diS?

blowthetoad: CHICKEN LITTLE!!!!!

KinkyKat: oK

KinkyKat: Do i Noe u?

KinkyKat: asHLeY?

blowthetoad: AnD wHy Do yOu YoU tYpE LiKe ThIs?

blowthetoad: does it do it automaticly?

KinkyKat: uH No

KinkyKat: HaBiT

KinkyKat: i oNo

blowthetoad: habit?

KinkyKat: YeaH suRe

blowthetoad: weeeeee

blowthetoad: :: toots :: (habbit)

KinkyKat: ??

KinkyKat: oK

KinkyKat: iM coNFuSeD

blowthetoad: lets start from the top….

blowthetoad: i farted…..

KinkyKat: oK

blowthetoad: it’s a habbit…..

KinkyKat: oK

blowthetoad: got it?

KinkyKat: i caNt SPeLL?

blowthetoad: exactly

blowthetoad: thats my point

blowthetoad: duh

KinkyKat: oK TheN

KinkyKat: Too BaDD i Nu DaT ALreaDy

blowthetoad: alright

blowthetoad: yeah

blowthetoad: oh well

blowthetoad: lifes a big pickle….

KinkyKat: PiCKLeS R GrosS

blowthetoad: no

blowthetoad: i like them

KinkyKat: YES

KinkyKat: Woo Hoo FeR u

blowthetoad: cucumbers are also yummy

KinkyKat: oK

KinkyKat: do i Noe u??

blowthetoad: yes…. and a big H( o )( o ) TER PAIR FOR YOU!

blowthetoad: YeS No MaYbE So

KinkyKat: wtF!

KinkyKat: oK wHo r u?

blowthetoad: C

blowthetoad: H

blowthetoad: I

blowthetoad: C

blowthetoad: K

blowthetoad: E

blowthetoad: N

KinkyKat: uR MaKiNg MeeH MaD!!

blowthetoad: L

blowthetoad: I

blowthetoad: T

blowthetoad: T

KinkyKat: BYe

blowthetoad: L

blowthetoad: E

blowthetoad: WAIT!!!!!!

KinkyKat: wHAT

blowthetoad: REMEMBER ME!????

KinkyKat: uH No

KinkyKat: ………………………………….!!!!!!!!!!!!

blowthetoad: yes…..

blowthetoad: im sorry u had to hear that

blowthetoad: my dog farted in your face….

KinkyKat: wHaT

KinkyKat: oK

KinkyKat: NewaYz

KinkyKat: Bye

blowthetoad: thtinky poo

blowthetoad: WAIT!!!!!!1

blowthetoad: my name is….

blowthetoad: ASHLEY

KinkyKat: Too BaDD iTz NawT HuH

KinkyKat: …….. braNdon??

blowthetoad: i know :-\

KinkyKat: watEVeR

KinkyKat: Go awaY

blowthetoad: huh?

blowthetoad: where did u get brandon from?

KinkyKat: suM1

blowthetoad: oh, that one person…..

KinkyKat: YaH

KinkyKat: DiS oNe PeRsoN

blowthetoad: No LiMiT KuTHi?

KinkyKat: YaH

blowthetoad: i see

KinkyKat: woW

blowthetoad: what

KinkyKat: Bye

blowthetoad: wait

KinkyKat: oK

blowthetoad: bye, i THOUGHT this was michael…..

KinkyKat: NewaYz

blowthetoad: guess not

KinkyKat: GoodbYe!!

blowthetoad: tu gordo pito……

KinkyKat: sure

blowthetoad: asta lasanga, poopé face!

Prank IMs, Stupid IMs, Chat Logs

#5946: blowthetoad -> Janelle

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blowthetoad: weeee

Janelle: wut

Janelle: i can’t talk

Janelle: bye

blowthetoad: huh?

Janelle: bye

blowthetoad: why are u online then?

Janelle: becuase

Janelle: i’am looking things up

blowthetoad: aim is for talk

Janelle: soo

blowthetoad: then why are you on?

blowthetoad: if u can’t talk

Janelle: becuase

Janelle: i donno

blowthetoad: there is no point

Janelle: soo

blowthetoad: well, people are gonna im you

blowthetoad: and u can’t talk

blowthetoad: and aim is for talk…

blowthetoad: so why be on?

Janelle: beucase

Janelle: i’am waitng for someone to get on

blowthetoad: i thought you can’ttalk

Janelle: i’am not talking i’am gonna talk when the person gets on

blowthetoad: ok, i will im you when the personget’s on ok?

Janelle: oh k

blowthetoad: why do u deside 2 talk when that person get’s on?

Janelle: becuase

Janelle: ok i’ll talk now

Janelle: omg

blowthetoad: what

Janelle: y

Janelle: nm

blowthetoad: k

blowthetoad: wee woo

Janelle: yea ok

blowthetoad: ha hah ahah