Future Family

NAUGHTY JOKE!!!
Future family: (the character is a boy)
I had a best friend. I liked her. Soon, we were partners. Being her bf, I sometimes think that I want to marry her. Then one day, I asked her mom and dad if I could, then they said “No. We’ll test you first… Someday..” I saw how my gf’s sister looked. She was so sexy and pretty, she looked so gorgeous at her short skirt and cute shirt, soon I had a crush on her. This time came that we were the only two people in the house. She told me, “Oh I can’t stand this feeling anymore. I love you Arkin! So much! Your wedding’s coming soon, and if you want one last wild thing, just go upstairs and get me.” As she went up the stairs, she gave her sexy panty to me, and showed me her pussy. Gosh ! I can’t believe it! Then I removed my pants and brief, I let him see my penis, but the door was locked so I guess no one saw me. I went up to the room. We had sexy sex. She let me saw her boobs, her pussy, and everything, after a little while, my gf’s family saw me, I said ” I’m sorry. I love your daughter. May I bring her home?”

Hahahahahahaha!! PLEASE COMMENT AND LIKE!!

:licky:

 

Joke #9152

Q: A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven’t eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?

A: The third. Lions that haven’t eaten in three years are dead.

 

The Bar War

“I am a drug addict. This is my story.” I was sitting in my one room apartment, because I spent all my money on drugs. I just finished smiffing some crack when the crack demons appered! There were three green ones. They tryed to stabb me with there pitch forks. “Pinkie, HELP!!!!” I yelled and drank a six-pack quickly. Suddenly I heard a elephant call and my trusty pink elephant Pinkie ran in. He grabbed one demon with his trunk and choked it while he smashed the other 2 with his massive front legs. He tipped his hat to me and we went to the bar together for a drink.

The moral of the story-Don’t do crack,drink! Oh, and don’t try this at home this can only be done by drug induced hallucinations…so go get some!

 

Children’s Story

One day, in a small city called Kingsburg in California there live a family of four people. There are two parents with two children. One child is a girl and the other is a girl also. The two children don’t get along very well probably because of their age difference. Their parents think of everything, trying to make them get along. When they have an idea they would write it down on a piece of paper and later that day they would try it.

The five-year-old girl is named Tina, and the other seven-year-old daughter is named Susan. One idea that the parents came up with is to take them both to their Aunt Helen’s house, so that they can spend some quiet time together in the playroom. The parents thought that they might just get along if they get to play pirates or Robin Hood or some other game like that together.

It worked at first when they were playing Sleeping Beauty. But after awhile they began arguing and arguing led to fighting. They were fighting about who will be the witch and who will be the princess. The parents sighed and had to go back to the drawing board. Another idea the parents came up with that might just bring their two children to become civil with each other is to assign Tina and Susan, to a project. Their project turned out to be a Birthday card for their Aunt Helen.

That idea didn’t work because Tina drew a heart on the top left corner of the card, red and Susan wanted it to be blue. So they began fighting once again. The parents sighed and tried again. The next idea for the children is to switch places for a day. If they do this, they can find out something interesting about each other.

At first, Tina and Armen thought that this idea was going to be fun but after the day went by, they hated the idea because Tina went into her room and Armen went into his room. When the parents said that they also had to switch rooms for the night, the two kids started to cry. The parents started getting very frustrated with this whole situation. After thinking for awhile, they came up with a very simple and, at the same time, genius solution.

That simple solution was to politely ask Tina and Armen to participate and really try to get along. The two parents told them what they were trying to do for so long which was to try to make Tina and Susan to get along. Their kids understood because they too were sick of fighting every day. About a week later the two parents saw much improvement with their kids, and they are now a very happy family.

 

Hannah Is a Palindrome

This entry is part 1 of 5 in the series Dave's Notes

This is a story I read a long time ago, and it is mad stupid. I don’t remember the details, but they really aren’t important….trust me. This is my retelling of that old story.

Hannah is this stupid girl that is sitting in her class one day. She always wanted to clap the erasers when they were dirty, but the teacher never called on her to do it, always someone else in class, especially the same person over and over. One day, the teacher taught them a new grammar thingy called a “palindrome.” The teacher pointed out Hannah and said, “Hannah is a palindrome, but I won’t tell you what a palindrome is until after recess, because I’m a bitch. So figure it out.”

Hannah didn’t like the fact the teacher pointed her out, and out on the playground, all the kids teased her, chanting, “Hannah is a palindrome, Hannah is a palindrome.” Hannah didn’t know what to say, because she didn’t know what a palindrome was. She got mad at the teacher for calling her a palindrome. How could she do such a thing? She never even let Hannah clap the chalkboard erasers, for crying out loud! WHAT A STUPID BITCH! SHE SHOULD BE SHOT! GOD DAMMIT!

After recess, all the way back to the room, the kids teased her, still chanting. When they got back in the room, the teacher explained what a palindrome was. It was a word that could be spelled backwards the same way forwards. The teacher told the kids they shouldn’t have teased Hannah for having a name that could be spelled backwards the same as forwards. Now the kids all felt like dumbasses. Then the teacher showed it to them on the board, doing it regularly, and backwards, erased it, then asked Hannah to clap the erasers by the window. Hannah did, and she enjoyed it.

good job, Hannah, I hope you enjoyed clapping those erasers and smelled that chalk dust. I hope you had fun, too, ya loser!

 

Mitosis Story

I’m a chromosome. I’m colored blue. I give the characteristic “eating glue.” I was separated from my sister at birth, and I will never see her again. We separated during Mitosis. We were replicated from the same chromosome long before anyone could remember, and when we were born off each other, we were pulled apart by spindles, the walls closing in between us.

After the separation, the room I was in, grew bigger and bigger, more and more little things flying around, called DNA replicated as well. They were going all around, and eventually, I grew another sister chromatin. Would I be separated from another sister of mine? Yeah…

After a short rest, the other chromosomes and I were tossed toward the middle of the room, me and my new sister that grew on me were separated, and the room got bigger and bigger, pulling us away from each other again.

“Would I be stuck in this never-ending chain of events?” I asked myself. That’s when the end came, and I DIED

 

Star Compactor

Prologue

I have a three day weekend coming up after finals. I’m going to play video games the whole time. It will be so relaxing. I won’t even have to tink! I can just sit in my room and stare at the TV. I can’t wait. Actually, that will probably never happen. So…anyway, you can read this story I wrote, if you want.

Chapter 1

“Yes, I have finally done it! I have constructed a trash compactor so large, that I will be able to crush the earth with it!” thought Ted, the repair guy from Venus. Ted was a simple man. Well, he was. One day a couple very rich peoplecame and told him to repair all 50 billion of their trash compactors. Ted just snapped. He was used to maybe one or two jobs a month, but this was too much. Ted took the trash compactors, and used them to create a giant trash compactor big enough to crush the Earth.

“Why the Earth, and not Venus?” you might ask? Well, one day he decided that the Earth was much too big, and it would be more efficient as a small cube. He would do the same to Venus, after.

Chapter 2

Bill was walking down the street having a normal day on Earth. He was going to buy a newspaper, then go home and read a book by the fire. The newspaper was for kindling. Suddenly, there was an eclipse. Bob looked up and saw the outline of something very huge that was blocking the sun. It looked a bit like the trash compactor in his kitchen that he used all the “pets” his kids brought home, only much bigger, obviously. Bill could hear a voice coming from the giant thing. This is what it said:

“Hello everyone. This is Ted the repair guy and yes, I am flying a giant trash compactor. Do not be alarmed! I come in peace….well, no, actually I don’t. I’m going to crush your planet into a small cube. I’m sorry if this has caused any inconvenience.”

Bill shrugged and said, “I never thought you could do that with a trash compactor…maybe I’ll crush the moon sometime.” And with that, Ted crushed the Earth and killed everything on it.

Chapter 3

The people of Venus were talking. They were talking about launching nuclear missles at the giant trash compactor. The problem was that they talked too much and Ted crushed them all before they had a chance to stop talking.

Epilogue

This story had one point. Never use trash compactors. You just heard how dangerous they are, so why use them at all? Trash compactors are just plain bad, and that goes for garbaged disposals too. Those things slice and dice things to peices. I can only imagine how many people die each year from the use of garbage disposals. Both of these things are dangerous, and you should avoid them at all costs