zadowe – v. to dump pig blood into a river in copious amounts
logixlogy – v. to sleep with cows, chickens, and pigs
In Holland there once was a man
who had fun with a pig in his van
it was harder than thought
he got caught in its snort
and now he has an all over tan
Q: Whats pink and hard?
A: A pig with a flick knife.
Maw: Paw, git up. It’s time to fuck the hogs and milk the trees.
Paw: Milk the trees??? Listen, I milked them last night.
Maw: Well, git up. Listen, the old red cow is crowing.
Paw: What’s fer breakfast? Corn pone and black-eyed poop?
Maw: No. I got some nice fried beer belly.
Paw: Good. After breakfast I’ll slap the chickens and I’ll have to fix the still.
Maw: What’s wrong with the still?
Paw: It’s turning out pee instead of moonshine. I think I’ve been putting too much meat in the mash.
Maw: Well, don’t forget to take your rifle, Paw. If a Revenue Agent spots you you can shoot him in the arse.
Q: How many pigs does it take to make a hamburger?
A: None – they are made out of cows.
Once upon a time there were three little pigs who decided to build themselves houses. The first pig was mooned and he built his house of farts. The second pig worked very fart-like and built a house of of yahoos. But the third pig was punched. He built his house out of losers and acid piss. Then one day a big wolf came along. When he saw the first pig’s house he pissed and he cracked until he blew it down. Then he blew down the second pig’s treasure. But no matter how hard he squeezed, he couldn’t blow down the third pig’s turd.
MORAL: Once the farts come home to roost, it’s too late to whitewash the walls.
You have only one minute, a pen and a sheet of paper.
1. Take a clean sheet of paper and draw a pig on it.
2. Don’t look at the results before you have drawn the pig.
3. DON’T PEEK AT RESULTS BEFORE YOU HAVE FINISHED DRAWING THE PIG!
Okay, are you ready? Oink, let’s start. Scroll to the bottom for the results after you drew a pig.
Pig Test Results
If you have drawn a lot of details you are analytical, patient and suspicious.
If you have not wasted time on details, you are broad minded, sentimental, even gullible, not too systematic and take a lot of risks.
If you drew less than 4 legs you are in an insecure stage of life, or your entire life is in constant upheaval.
If you drew 4 legs, you are self confident, stubborn and hold on to your plans.
If you drew more than 4 legs, you are an idiot.
The size of the pigs ears tells about your ability to listen to other people — the bigger the better…
And finally the pig’s tail should tell you something about your sex life, once again the bigger and more curled, the… what, forgot the tail? No, it’s absolutely impossible to do the test again.
Q: What would you get if you crossed a pig with a tree?
A: A pork-u-pine.
Q: What’s a pig’s favorite fairy tale?
A: Hansel and Gruntel.
Q: What did Chicken Little say when the pig pen fell over?
A: “The sty is falling, the sty is falling!”
Q: What’s seven feet tall, wallows in mud, and has a huge snout?
A: Pig Foot.
Q: What’s the best medicine for a sick hog?
A: Pig pen-acillin.
Q: What do pigs enjoy most about casinos?
A: The slop (slot) machines.
Q: What would you get if you crossed a frog with a pig?
A: A wart hog.