Tag - insurance


etip

March 1st, 2013 Posted in Dictionary No Comments »

etip – v. to ride a bicycle up and down your street while you have an insurance claim

-~-

Tags: , , ,

+1-1 (Heart or Hate?)
Loading...Loading...

Florida Hurricane Season Notes

February 22nd, 2011 Posted in Other Junk No Comments »

We’re about to enter the peak of the hurricane season in Florida. If you’re new to the area, you’re probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for the possibility that we’ll get hit by “the big one.” Based on our experiences, we recommend that you follow this simple three-step hurricane preparedness plan:

STEP 1. Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at least three days.

STEP 2. Put these supplies into your car.

STEP 3. Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Thanksgiving.

Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow this sensible plan. Most people will foolishly stay here in Florida. We’ll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items:

HOMEOWNERS’ INSURANCE: If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance. Fortunately, this insurance is cheap
and easy to get, as long as your home meets two basic requirements:

(1) It is reasonably well-built, and…

(2) It is located in Nebraska.

Unfortunately, if your home is located in Florida, or any other area that might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies would prefer not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be required to pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they got into the insurance business in the first place.

EVACUATION ROUTE: If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route planned out. (To determine whether
you live in a low-lying area, look at your driver’s license; if it says “Florida”, you live in a low-lying area.)

The purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped in your home when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in a gigantic traffic jam several miles from your home, along with two hundred thousand other evacuees.  So, as a bonus, you will not be lonely.

Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near, it is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning on your television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers stand right next to the ocean and tell you over and over how vitally important it is for everybody to stay away from the ocean.

Good luck, and remember: It’s great living in Paradise (a.k.a. “The Sunshine State”).

-~-

Tags: , , , , , ,

+1-1 (Heart or Hate?)
Loading...Loading...

Joke #13229

December 24th, 2010 Posted in Jokes No Comments »

At long last we’ve found the answer to the question.  “What’s up, Doc?”  It’s malpractice insurance rates.

-~-

Tags: , ,

+1-1 (Heart or Hate?)
Loading...Loading...

Joke #13222

December 24th, 2010 Posted in Jokes No Comments »

A man frantically rushed into a hospital emergency room with two broken arms.  He ran up to the nurse at the desk and shouted, “I need a doctor!”

The nurse calmly nodded and said, “Before we treat you, I have to know one vital fact.”

“I’m not allergic to penicillin,” cried the man.  “My heart is fine and I’m not on any medication.”

“That’s good,” said the nurse, “but that’s not the information I need.”

“What is it then?” shouted the man, grimacing in pain.

The nurse replied, “Do you have medical coverage or will you pay cash?”

-~-

Tags: , , ,

+1-1 (Heart or Hate?)
Loading...Loading...

Joke #13204

December 24th, 2010 Posted in (F) Conversational Joke, Jokes No Comments »

DOCTOR: “Mister Simms, I’m afraid you only have seven days to live.”

PATIENT: “Oh, no!  Then I guess I won’t be able to pay you, Doctor.  My medical insurance check won’t be here for two weeks.”

DOCTOR: “H-mm, well in that case, I’ll give you fourteen days to live.”

-~-

Tags: , , , , ,

+1-1 (Heart or Hate?)
Loading...Loading...

Joke #12919

December 15th, 2010 Posted in Jokes No Comments »

One thing you can always count on.  That’s getting sick or having an accident as soon as your medical insurance expires.

-~-

Tags: ,

+1-1 (Heart or Hate?)
Loading...Loading...

Joke #12779

December 5th, 2010 Posted in (F) Conversational Joke, Jokes No Comments »

Two businessmen met on a cruise and struck up a conversation.  one said, “I took this trip with insurance money.  I got ten thousand dollars for fire damage to my store.”

The other man replied, “What a coincidence!  I’m here on insurance money too.  I collected twenty thousand dollars for flood damage to my store.”

The first man eyed the other for a few minutes and then leaned over and whispered, “Say, how do you start a flood?”

-~-

Tags: , , , , , ,

+1-1 (Heart or Hate?)
Loading...Loading...

Joke #12707

November 29th, 2010 Posted in (F) Conversational Joke, Jokes No Comments »

LADY: “Tell me, if I took out a million dollars worth of life insurance on my husband he died the next day, what would I get?”

ATTORNEY: “Life!”

-~-

Tags: , , , , , ,

+1-1 (Heart or Hate?)
Loading...Loading...

Joke #12496

November 27th, 2010 Posted in Jokes No Comments »

Nothing is worse than paying your own medical insurance and being healthy every day of your life.

-~-

Tags:

+1-1 (Heart or Hate?)
Loading...Loading...

Joke #11345

July 21st, 2008 Posted in Jokes No Comments »

David dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter says, “How did things go for you back on Earth?”

David says, “Not too bad. I left a wife, 3 kids, a pretty good bank balance, no mortgage, and my wife will get another 100,000 from the insurance.”

“Great,” says St Peter, “What was it you did while you were alive?”

“Oh, I was in Real estate.”

“Oh good, come on in” says the Saint.

Bruce follows David up to the pearly gates and gets the same sort of welcome and questions.

“Yes, well I left a wife and two kids, a little house in the suburbs, a few dollars in the bank, car’s paid for and they should be OK with things.”

“Oh good, come on in.”

Billy was next in line and gets the questions from the old guy.

“Yes, well I left my 4th wife, most of my gears in the Cash Converters, cars rooted, never did quite make it to where I really thought I should have been.”

“Oh well,” says St. Peter.

“And which band was it that you played with?”

-~-

Tags: , , , , ,

Tagged People:

+1-1 (Heart or Hate?)
Loading...Loading...

Joke #9273: Nothing But the Truth

December 14th, 2007 Posted in Jokes No Comments »

Mr. Smith asked his wife for advice about his upcoming court case in which he could possibly win $50,000 from the insurance company. “Honey, if I lie, I’ll win the case. But then I would have broken an oath sworn on the Holy Bible.”

His wife says, “I don’t want to advise you to do the wrong thing, but . . .”

“But, what?”

“Let me put it this way,” his wife explained. “Treat the prosecuting attorney like I treat you in bed.”

Puzzled, Mr. Smith asks, “How so?”

Mrs. Smith replies, “Just lie there ’til he goes away.”

-~-

Tags: , ,

+1-1 (Heart or Hate?)
Loading...Loading...

Joke #9231: Policy, Polly Do

December 11th, 2007 Posted in (C) Misandry Jokes, Jokes No Comments »

Bill’s barn burned down, and his wife Polly called the insurance company.

Polly told the insurance company, “We had that barn insured for fifty thousand, and I want my money.”

The agent replied, “Hold on just a minute, Polly. Insurance doesn’t work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of what was insured and provide you with a new barn of comparable worth.”

There was a long pause before Polly replied, “Then I’d like to cancel the policy on my husband.”

-~-

Tags: , ,

+1-1 (Heart or Hate?)
Loading...Loading...

e-surance

August 10th, 2007 Posted in Dictionary No Comments »

e-surance – n. online insurance, insuring your internet access

-~-

Tags: , , ,

+1-1 (Heart or Hate?)
Loading...Loading...

#6494: davepoobond -> Phoenix

August 4th, 2007 Posted in Chat Logs, Stupid IMs No Comments »

davepoobond: e-surance – n. online insurance, insuring your internet access

Phoenix: …. scary

davepoobond: we should open that

davepoobond: we’d make millions of dollars

Phoenix: ….your probably right

davepoobond: oh yaaaaa

-~-

Tags: , , ,

Tagged People: ,

+1-1 (Heart or Hate?)
Loading...Loading...