The golf match to end all golf matches was played up in Heaven by St. Peter and St. Paul. St. Peter had the honor of the first tee and promptly made a hole in one.
St. Paul, undaunted, repeated the performance.
St. Peter marked the scores down dutifully on his card, then remarked, “What do you say, Paul? Let’s cut out the miracles and get down to business!”
David dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter says, “How did things go for you back on Earth?”
David says, “Not too bad. I left a wife, 3 kids, a pretty good bank balance, no mortgage, and my wife will get another 100,000 from the insurance.”
“Great,” says St Peter, “What was it you did while you were alive?”
“Oh, I was in Real estate.”
“Oh good, come on in” says the Saint.
Bruce follows David up to the pearly gates and gets the same sort of welcome and questions.
“Yes, well I left a wife and two kids, a little house in the suburbs, a few dollars in the bank, car’s paid for and they should be OK with things.”
“Oh good, come on in.”
Billy was next in line and gets the questions from the old guy.
“Yes, well I left my 4th wife, most of my gears in the Cash Converters, cars rooted, never did quite make it to where I really thought I should have been.”
“Oh well,” says St. Peter.
“And which band was it that you played with?”
Q: What did the suicidal Frenchman say when St. Peter asked how he died?
A: “Eifel (off the) Tower”
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Note: I actually made this one.
Q: What did St Peter say to Di at the Pearly Gates?
A: Wipe that “merc” off your face.