Joke #21874

A midget walks in to a bar, takes a few shots of whiskey, jumps up on the bar stool and said, “Hey, any of you motherfuckers want to fight me?”

A guy 6 feet two inches tall and weighing 253 lbs stood up and said, “I’ll fight you!”  The little midget jumped on him and beat the shit out of him.

Next night the midget walked in and took a few shots, jumped on his bar stool and said, “Hey, any of you motherfuckers want to fight me?”

This time an even bigger guy stood up. He was about 6 foot 5 inches and weighed 348 lbs. The midget jumped on him and beat the shit out of him, too.

So the bar owner went out and bought a gorilla and locked it in the bathroom.

Later that night the midget walked in, took a few shots of whiskey and jumped on the bar stool and asked if there were any sons of bitches that want to fight. This time no one stood up. The bar owner said, “There’s a guy in the bathroom that wants to kick your fucking ass.”

Now the gorilla was in the bathroom for about 6 hours and was really pissed off. That midget walked into the bathroom and there was all kinds of noise for about 2 hours. Finally that midget walked out, sat down all out of breath, looked at the bar owner and said, “Tell that damn black guy his fur coat is in the toilet.”

 

gorillas are nice and smelly

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orillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahh!

ai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like g!

orillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahhai like gorillas smiley havce ahahha

 

Joke #18166

Upon returning from a field trip to the zoo, the principal asked Miss Dickinson how she enjoyed the outing.

“Oh, it was horrible,” said Miss Dickinson.  “The snakes stuck their tongues out and the monkeys kept making faces.”

“Well, you know what they say,” replied the principal.  “Boas will be boas, and gorillas will be gorillas.”

 

Joke #8987

A gorilla walked into a bar and ordered a beer. The bartender was amazed to hear the gorilla speak, but brought him a beer anyway.

The gorilla finished the beer and handed the bartender a twenty dollar bill. The bartender just couldn’t believe that a gorilla knew anything about money, so he only gave back one dollar in change.

“Hope you enjoyed your beer,” he said to the gorilla, “We don’t get too many gorillas coming in here.”

“At nineteen dollars a beer,” said the gorilla, “it’s no wonder.”

 

Stuff At the Zoo I Was Scared Of

I was scared of swans, flamingos, and monkeys when i was 5 or 6 years old. Swans scared me because they looked like they would eat me. Flamingos scared me, because there were so many of them and I felt they would fly up and eat me. Monkeys scared me because I thought they would jump at me and bite me, then I’d die.

Now, swans, flamingos, and monekys aren’t scary anymore to me, because of things I learned about them.

Another thing I was scared of was this thing that is in the zoo and you push a button and it lets you smell an animal. It scared me because I smelled a bear, a skunk, and a gorilla, and I stayed away from it.

Now, they took that thing away, so I’m not scared of it anymore.

 

Situations It Would Suck to Be In

By Nose:

– A badger is in your pants. Those mofo’s have sharp claws.

– On stage naked when you have to urinate. People could lose their careers this way.

– Bitchslapping Mike Tyson…cover your ears!

– Having a pencil up your ass

– Standing in a pile of hippo crap. You’ve seen how much they eat. Can you imagine standing in the crap of an animal who eats aobut 400 pounds of food a day.

– If you’re a guy. Never walk into a gay bar with no pants. Some people don’t wait until they get home.

– Don’t wear butt tight pants when you go to the beach. When you have a stiffy, people are gonna know.

– Making love to a gorilla. Some of those animls weigh 2000 pounds.

– Doing doggy style to a dog. Think where that thing has been.

By Holmes:

– Bending over in a Prison Shower Room…Welcome to Anal Penetration 101, your going to feel like your shitting backwards.

– In a Port-o-potty while it’s rolling down a hill…the toilet is going to be shitting on you

– Drinking Coca-Cola in a Pepsi plant…HOW COULD YOU!

By The typical Aussie bloke:

– Taking a shit in a really old outback dunnycan that hasn’t been washed in 50 years. Imagine all the crabs on the dunny seat and the crusty shit stains ewwwwwww!!!

– Being tackled by John Hopoate during a Rugby League footy match. You know what John (BROWN FINGERS) Hopoate likes to do to footy players on the opposite team, especially when they are wearing really stubby footy shorts!

– Being a beer swilling yobbo at a local pub that has no beer. Yobbos can’t survive without beer!

– Thrown in a prison cell with nothing but a “Richie Benaud’s Autobiography” book. Now THAT’s boring!

– Being a little Aussie kid chanting “USA! USA! USA!” at the Melborune AFL Aussie Rules footy match. I guess the kid has been watching too much Simpsons episodes and doesn’t know that the Australian chant is “Aussie Aussie Aussie!!! Oi Oi Oi!!!”

– Some bastard pulling a prank on you by putting dark gooey shit to an empty Vegemite jar and passing it off to you as Vegemite. When you spread it on toast and eat it you’ll be chucking up in the dunny.

– Being the janitor cleaning a passenger jet after a shitfaced footy team has been on it. When a footy team gets pissed on a few slabs of VB, they will not care where they decide to hang a piss so there will be urine flowing down the aisle of the plane.

– Getting smacked hard in the K-nackers with a cricket ball when playing cricket with your mates. OWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLL that would hurt!!!!! Cricket balls are SOOOOOOOO HARD!!!!!

– Having a wedgy up your bumcrack while you’re in the bloke’s change room. All the blokes would think you’re wearing a G-string.

– Some bugger filling the tray of your Holden Kingswood ute with polyfiller. You won’t be able to transport any beer slabs or your pisstank yobbo pub mates around.