You have only one minute, a pen and a sheet of paper.

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1. Take a clean sheet of paper and draw a pig on it.

2.  Don’t look at the results before you have drawn the pig.

3.  DON’T PEEK AT RESULTS BEFORE YOU HAVE FINISHED DRAWING THE PIG!

Okay, are you ready? Oink, let’s start. Scroll to the bottom for the results after you drew a pig.

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Pig Test Results

If you have drawn a lot of details you are analytical, patient and suspicious.

If you have not wasted time on details, you are broad minded, sentimental, even gullible, not too systematic and take a lot of risks.

If you drew less than 4 legs you are in an insecure stage of life, or your entire life is in constant upheaval.

If you drew 4 legs, you are self confident, stubborn and hold on to your plans.

If you drew more than 4 legs, you are an idiot.

The size of the pigs ears tells about your ability to listen to other people — the bigger the better…

And finally the pig’s tail should tell you something about your sex life, once again the bigger and more curled, the… what, forgot the tail? No, it’s absolutely impossible to do the test again.

Tags: ear, ears, idiot, paper, pen, pig, tail

After learning the Lamaze method of natural childbirth, I was admitted to the delivery room with my wife.

It seemed like an eternity before the doctor finally announced, “I’ve got the head now; just a few more minutes.”

“Is it a girl or boy?” I asked excitedly.

The doctor replied, “I don’t know. It’s hard to tell by the ears.”

Tags: baby, boy, doctor, ears, girl, wife

Q: What do rabbits put on the back of their ears?

A: Thumper stickers.

Tags: ears, rabbit, sticker

Q: How do geniuses clean their ears?

A: With I.Q. Tips

Tags: ears, q-tip

Q: What has a thousand ears but can’t hear?

A: A cornfield!

Tags: corn, ears

Q: Which pet is seen most often on TV?

A: Rabbit (ears)!

Tags: ears, rabbit, television

Q: Why don’t cats complain when other cats make noise all night?

A: Because it’s meow-sic to their ears!

Tags: cat, ears, meow

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Tags: candle, ear wax, ears, Tuesday

::someone says “fuck” repeatedly 10 times at least::

“auch! My virgin ears!”

- davepoobond

Tags: A DPB Tag, ears, virginity

Tagged People: davepoobond

Reporter: Do you like all of your players to be tall, Coach?

Famous Coach: A player’s height isn’t important to me, as long as his ears pop when he sits down.

Tags: basketball, coach, ears

By Nose:

- A badger is in your pants. Those mofo’s have sharp claws.

- On stage naked when you have to urinate. People could lose their careers this way.

- Bitchslapping Mike Tyson…cover your ears!

- Having a pencil up your ass

- Standing in a pile of hippo crap. You’ve seen how much they eat. Can you imagine standing in the crap of an animal who eats aobut 400 pounds of food a day.

- If you’re a guy. Never walk into a gay bar with no pants. Some people don’t wait until they get home.

- Don’t wear butt tight pants when you go to the beach. When you have a stiffy, people are gonna know.

- Making love to a gorilla. Some of those animls weigh 2000 pounds.

- Doing doggy style to a dog. Think where that thing has been.

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By Holmes:

- Bending over in a Prison Shower Room…Welcome to Anal Penetration 101, your going to feel like your shitting backwards.

- In a Port-o-potty while it’s rolling down a hill…the toilet is going to be shitting on you

- Drinking Coca-Cola in a Pepsi plant…HOW COULD YOU!

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By The typical Aussie bloke:

- Taking a shit in a really old outback dunnycan that hasn’t been washed in 50 years. Imagine all the crabs on the dunny seat and the crusty shit stains ewwwwwww!!!

- Being tackled by John Hopoate during a Rugby League footy match. You know what John (BROWN FINGERS) Hopoate likes to do to footy players on the opposite team, especially when they are wearing really stubby footy shorts!

- Being a beer swilling yobbo at a local pub that has no beer. Yobbos can’t survive without beer!

- Thrown in a prison cell with nothing but a “Richie Benaud’s Autobiography” book. Now THAT’s boring!

- Being a little Aussie kid chanting “USA! USA! USA!” at the Melborune AFL Aussie Rules footy match. I guess the kid has been watching too much Simpsons episodes and doesn’t know that the Australian chant is “Aussie Aussie Aussie!!! Oi Oi Oi!!!”

- Some bastard pulling a prank on you by putting dark gooey shit to an empty Vegemite jar and passing it off to you as Vegemite. When you spread it on toast and eat it you’ll be chucking up in the dunny.

- Being the janitor cleaning a passenger jet after a shitfaced footy team has been on it. When a footy team gets pissed on a few slabs of VB, they will not care where they decide to hang a piss so there will be urine flowing down the aisle of the plane.

- Getting smacked hard in the K-nackers with a cricket ball when playing cricket with your mates. OWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLL that would hurt!!!!! Cricket balls are SOOOOOOOO HARD!!!!!

- Having a wedgy up your bumcrack while you’re in the bloke’s change room. All the blokes would think you’re wearing a G-string.

- Some bugger filling the tray of your Holden Kingswood ute with polyfiller. You won’t be able to transport any beer slabs or your pisstank yobbo pub mates around.

Tags: ass, Australia, badger, brown fingers, Coca-Cola, crusty shit, dog, doggy style, dunnycan, ears, gorilla, Holden Kingswood, k-nackers, pencil, rugby, shower, yobbo

Tagged People: Holmes, John Hopoate, Mike Tyson, The Typical Aussie Bloke

A blonde goes to a hairdresser to get a hair cut. She sits down in the chair with her walkman on and the earphones in her ears.

The hairdresser says “I’m sorry, Miss, but I’ll have to take out those earphones so I can cut your hair.”  The blonde replies “you can’t, I need them to live.”

The hairdresser starts cutting her hair with her earphones still on.  Then the hairdresser says again “Im sorry, Miss but I really need to take out those earphones so I can cut your hair.”

She gets the same answer and continues cutting. for the last and final time she asks “Miss, I really need to take out those earphones to cut your hair” “no,” says the blonde “I need it to live” ignoring her answer the hairdresser yanks teh earphones out and the blonde falls dead.

“Weird,” thinks the hairdresser. she puts the earphones in her ears and plays the cd that plays “breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out”

Tags: bumkin, chair, ears, hair, hairdresser

“HOW DID IT HAPPEN?” the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man’s broken leg.

“Well, doc, 25 years ago …”

“Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your leg this morning.”

“Like I was saying…25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I’d gone to bed, the farmer’s beautiful daughter came into my room. She asked me if there was anything I wanted. I said, ‘No, everything is fine.’

‘Are you sure?’ she asked.

‘I’m sure.’

‘Isn’t there anything I can do for you?’

‘I reckon not,’”

“Excuse me,” said the doctor, “What does this story have to do with your leg?”

“Well, this morning,” the farmhand explained, “it dawned on me what she meant, and I fell off the roof!”

Tags: bed, doctor, ears, hand, leg, work

uvaleenteyn – n. a faggot with no penis and very large ears.

Ex. hey look there’s that ugly uvaleenteyn now.

Tags: ears, noun, penis, uvaleenteyn