Tagged People: Underweargnome
Parody of “If You’re Happy and You Know It.”
If You’re Happy And You Know It – Bomb Iraq
If you cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq.
If the terrorists are frisky,
Pakistan is looking shifty,
North Korea is too risky,
If we have no allies with us, bomb Iraq.
If we think that someone’s dissed us, bomb Iraq.
So to hell with the inspections,
Let’s look tough for the elections,
Close your mind and take directions,
It’s pre-emptive non-aggression, bomb Iraq.
To prevent this mass destruction, bomb Iraq.
They’ve got weapons we can’t see,
And that’s all the proof we need,
If they’re not there, they must be,
If you never were elected, bomb Iraq.
If your mood is quite dejected, bomb Iraq.
If you think Saddam’s gone mad,
With the weapons that he had,
And he tried to kill your dad,
If corporate fraud is growin’, bomb Iraq.
If your ties to it are showin’, bomb Iraq.
If your politics are sleazy,
And hiding that ain’t easy,
And your manhood’s getting queasy,
If your economy’s in repression, Bomb Iraq
If you fear a great depression, bomb Iraq
If you want lotsa oil,
Land on a countries soil,
Put the world in turmoil,
Fall in line and follow orders, bomb Iraq.
For our might knows not our borders, bomb Iraq.
Disagree? We’ll call it treason,
Let’s make war not love this season,
Even if we have no reason,
Q: Why was Saddam so happy when a woman became president?
A: She said he could make his bombs as long as he didn’t use them!
Stanley Steemer: What a dirty carpet. I better get to work.
(Stanley Steemer begins cleaning the carpet.)
(The Farting Mime farts on the carpet)
Stanley Steemer: Oh, come on! I was just done cleaning that!
(The Farting Mime plays the world’s smallest violin)
Stanley Steemer: You’ll never get away with this!
(The Farting Mime points to the Orkin Man, dead as a doornail underneath a parked Kia Spectra)
Stanley Steemer: You ran over the Orkin Man with a Kia Sephia? Man, that’s embarrassing.
Geo Tracker: Well, at least it took the attention away from me.
Stanley Steemer: Only one person can save the day!
(The Farting Mime shakes head in disagreement)
A Voice: I’m here to stop this!
Stanley Steemer: Could it be! It is! It’s Vin Diesel’s Chest!
Vin Diesel’s Chest: That’s right. Now what’s the problem?
(The Farting Mime Lets out a juicy one right on the Oriental rug)
Stanley Steemer: Help us, Vin Diesel’s Chest! He’s farting on the rug that I just cleaned.
Vin Diesel’s Chest: Well, I’ll just have to put a stop to this using my impeccable pecs.
(The Farting Mime Pretends to be trapped in a box)
Vin Diesel’s Chest: Shoot. He’s in a box. How am I going to get to him now?
Geo Tracker: Smoke him out.
Tommy Chong: I’m way ahead of you, man.
(Invisible box fills up with smoke, The Farting Mime busts out of the box.)
Vin Diesel’s Chest: It worked. Now come and get me, you mute freak.
(The Farting Mime Farts right into Vin Diesel’s Chest)
Vin Diesel’s Chest: Do you think that’s going to work? I don’t have a nose.
Tommy Chong: Wow, weird man. He’s like, got no face.
(The Farting Mime Makes a gasping face, then runs away.)
Geo Tracker: I’ll take it from here.
(Geo Tracker Opens driver’s side door)
(The Farting Mime gets in, tries to start the car, but the car explodes.)
Vin Diesel’s Chest: Well, shoot. If I was closer to the explosion, I would jump out of the way just so the camera could get a slo-mo of my massive chest muscles.
Stanley Steemer: You saved the day! But why did the car explode?
Unabomber: I think it was a terrorist.
(Vin Diesel’s Chest floats away heroically, girls faint in their seats.)
In the ruins of the palace of Pamela Anderson in ancient Greece, you can see a marble toilet and a tub the old Greeks used for sexing and fucking. Now, you, too, can own a genuine juicy spa and whirlpool bath. you can use it to have sex in the privacy of your own bunk. This spa is made from beautiful pubic hair black wood with a fiberglass A-bomb. Plenty of room to seat four steaks. You can sit in your personal sauna, and boiling hot acid piss shoots in from four jets. It will massage your entire boob, and it cures obscene sex. Hot boobs are an “in” thing and ar as popular in America as vending.
Tagged People: Pamela Anderson
It is hereby agreed by the Big Three, the United States, Russia, and Santa’s Village, that there will be no further testing of nuclear dicks. However, tests may be made under hooters. Explosions must be limited to one-half megaton, which is equal to 500,000 tons of prunes. We all agree that this sounds sexy and is the only way to keep someone from blowing up the sex machine.
It is here by agreed, by the Big Three, The U.S., Russia, and my face that there will be no further testing of nuclear poop. However tests may be made under my butt. Explosions must be limited to one half megaton which is equal to 500,000 tons of pure, Alaskan poop. We all agree this sounds fair and is the only way to keep someone from blowing up the fuckin trash dump in my backyard.
Rachel has just written a book called Heil in the Freaky Jugs. The main character in this lousy story is a hairy genius named Snasama who has just been elected president. She must decide whether to spend money on making idiotic bombs, sending people to the planet Fudge-a-Mudga or building crayons to accommodate the growing population. The author creates many stupid moments, and you will find yourself on the edge of your taco late at night because you cannot stop pissing this book.
Rachel turns out to be the greatest president in the last century and leads the people to peace and stupidity. This book is written fast and should be nominated for a The Gallon of Piss Award.
- Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money for it?
- I may not be the best looking guy here, but I’m the only one talking to you.
- My love for you is like the energizer bunny, it keeps going and going.
- You must be from Pearl Harbor, cause you’re the Bomb.
- If you were a new hamburger at McDonald’s, you would be McGorgeous.
- Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I’ve seem to have lost mine.
- I’m new in town, could I have directions to your house.
- You look like a girl that has heard every line in the book, so what’s one more going to hurt?
- Date me if I’m wrong, but is your name Yolanda?
- Excuse me, do you wanna date, or should I apologize?
- You must be Jamaican, because Ja-maican me crazy.
- Are your legs tired? You’ve been running through my mind all day long.
- Do you have a quarter? My mother told me to call home when I met the girl of my dreams.
- Your awfly perrrtay.
- Love is like a box of chocolates and your full of sour cream and mustard with cheese wiz.
- Excuse me, do you think it could be possible, if there’s a chance, that if you want to go somewhere, and have no one to go with. And perhaps call me. Then we could go out. Maybe a in a unit. That is only speaking in certain terms….yak yak.
- Were you a Girl Scout? Because you have tied my heart in a knot.
- Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cause every time I see you, you turn me on!
- Hi, nice to meet you, I’m Jeffrey and you’re… gorgeous!
- Hey, is it just me, or are we destined to be married?
- If beauty were sunlight, you’d shine from a million light-years away.
- Did it hurt? You know, when you fell from heaven?
- I hope you know CPR because you take my breath away.
- You are under arrest for robbery. You stole my heart.
Tagged People: McDonalds
|Kevin Smokin Cur||18/Oct/2001:23:22:54|
|why do i like to get high i dont know, the chicken bites the leg of the
crow, the crops come to life in the snow, why is that so i dont know i
dont know?? Why does the school keep you there, there a fraud, how do
they keep you there its the law, i could escape if i had a saw, oh it
is wrong so it is wrong! We cant be free if the n*ggers are here,
exploding black faces oh dear oh dear, blasting the faces in places so
cheer and sleep while your sleeping or you’ll fear the mirror. when you
look in it the death forms around you, spirits of guests form all
surround you, trapped in a room with no lights to turn on, if you do
then the spirits will burn and be gone. If they return you wont see
them for long, ill pack them up and smoke my bong. Now that you’ve read
another song iv’e lead you to beleive that i’m wrong, but only if you
think that you are and im the one that will run very far, eternal
detentions and bombs in your car, did i forget to mention that i am a
star, and my name is ke
Tagged People: Kevin Pot Smokin Cur