Fuk yo bitch Ass mom

Written for the movie Grandpa’s Town Pleasing Sweets.

1st off fuk ur bitch n yo fat ass mom

i fn’ed fuken her but caz of her lose pussy i couldn’t cum

yea i no dats wrong

but tryin to battle against me

you won’t last long

like the weed in ma glass bong

they call me long shlong

 

Extended “Birthday Song” Lyrics

Everyone knows the birthday song, and quite frankly it sucks.  The only reason you want to sing it is to get to the fun part at the end where you just go on forever making up stupid shit.

I don’t know why you start singing about what’s on television, though.

And many more, on Channel 4

And Scooby Doo, on Channel 2

And Frankenstein, on Channel 9

And a naked lady, on Channel 80

And you will be, on Channel 3

 

First the Worst

This is the version of the playground rhyme that I remember from my elementary school.  There are obviously a lot of variations.

First the worst

Second the best

Third the nerd

Fourth the one with the hairy chest

Fifth the bitch

Sixth the snitch

Seventh goes to heaven

Eighth goes naked

 

Say You’ll Grow Hair

Parody of “Say You’ll Be There” by the Spice Girls.

Say you’ll grow hair…
Say you’ll grow hair…

I’m getting a new hair piece
For this boy I see
This I swear…

Last time, you had an evaluation
I decided that I’d fix your split ends…yeah
But now I just twist them up in circles
Tell me when this growing bald spot will end…

Now you – tell me that you’re using a glove
Well the Velcro it should work easily…
This time, you gotta rake it easy, gently part it-
There’s just too much lotion for me…
Any fool can see that it’s falling,
Gotta take this hair to the can…. (Yes I do, yeah)

I’m getting a new hair piece
For this boy I see,this I swear…
And… all that I want from you,
Is a wig or two, to be there… (Say you’ll grow hair!)

If you, glue 2 more hairs together
Then we’ll see – what this hair spray is for…
If you – can’t fight this bald invasion…
I’ll just make you sweep the hair off the floor.
There is no weave, too frayed or ugly
It would be better left on your head. (Yes it would, yeah)

I’m getting a new hair piece
For this boy I see… this I swear (Say you’ll grow hair!)
And… all that I want from you,
Is a wig or two, to be there. (Yeah, toupees too)

I’m getting a new hair piece
For this boy I see ,this I swear… (Say you’ll grow hair!)
And… all that I want from you,
Is a wig or two to be there.

 

The Blunt That Never Ends

Parody of “The Song That Never Ends” from Lambchop’s Playalong.

This is the blunt that never ends
It goes on and on my friends
Some people started smoking it
Not knowing what it was
And kept on smoking it
Just because (because because because)

(Continue from the top)

 

A.M.T.

Parody of the song “AC/DC – T.N.T.”

Math!
Math!
Math!
Math!
Math!
Math!
Math!
Math!

See me sit in the desk at school

From your white board at the front of the class
Out for all that I can get
If you know what I mean
A girl to the left of me
And a guy to the right
Ain’t got no pencil
Ain’t got no eraser
Don’t you start no test

Cause I’m in AMT It’s algebra!
AMT! and I’ll fail that test!

AMT! I’ve done this before!
AMT!  I’m doing it againnnnnnn!

I’m bored, mean and not listening
I want to leave
I don’t like the teacher
Understand?
So lock up your pencils
Lock up your erasers
Lock up your pencil box
And run for the door
The man is in the back of the room
To the left, in the second row against the wall

Cause I’m in AMT It’s algebra!

AMT! and I’ll fail that test!

AMT! I’ve done this before!

AMT!  I’m doing it againnnnnnn!

AMT! Math! Math! Math!

AMT! Math! Math! Math!

AMT! Math! Math! Math!

AMT! Math! Math! Math!

AMT! Math! Math! Math!

AMT! Math!

It’s algebra! (Math! Math!)

AMT! Math!

And I’ll fail that test! (Math! Math!)

AMT! Math!

I’ve done this before! (Math! Math!)

AMT!

I’m doing it againnnnnnn!!!

 

I Have to Go to Work at 1

Parody of A*Teens – Dancing Queen.

You can EAT, the SALADDD, I don’t care what you do with your hair
See that girl, she’s a ho, I work at one today

Friday night and I get to work
Looking out for number 1 (me)
Where they hand out prescriptions, and astroglide
You come into look for sales
Anybody could have those items
But you come in to see me, not really
With a bit of 90s music, everything is ok
Not in the mood for a dance
And when you go home…

I’m still working, I started at one, only eighteen
I work at one, feel the beat of the cash register
I can’t dance, I can’t bike or swim, its safe to say my life sucks
See that girl, there’s no way I’ll tap that ass

I’m a teaser, I make them mad
When the price isn’t the same as the one they saw
Looking for another, anyone will go
They’re in the mood to be a bastard
When they don’t get the price they want

I’m still working, I started at one, only eighteen
I work at one, feel the beat of the cash register
I can’t dance, I can’t bike or swim, its safe to say my life sucks
See that girl, there’s no way I’ll tap that ass

(fade)

 

The Real Meaning Behind Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

sung to the original song of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

Do not trust minorities in your working environment,
sure they go about they’re own business for the time being,
but as soon as you turn your back they will take your job.
Rudolph was an obvious minority because he was the only one with a red nose and he took the
head job on the sleigh, he obviously took someone’s job.
And people said Christmas songs are good for the soul. Baah who needs em

 

The Chubbles Rap

This is supposed to be sung by a character named Mr. Chubby Chubbles.

Yo, I’m the chubbles,
I don’t like bubbles in the bathtub
Because I ain’t a playa
A fake-a
A guy that rolls around in the mud

Chubbles in my name
And eating is my game
I eat eat eat eat
Off my feet feet feet

If I have to.
If I have to.

But I usually eat it in the toilet
The toilet
The toilet
And I usually foil-it

And put it in the oven
And cook it
And eat it

Whee!