Category Archives: TV Shows

TV shows written for SBC.

Squackle Broadcasting Company, TV Shows

Little Puppy Rosy, the Substance Abuse Puppy and Pals Episode 1 – LSD

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This was actually done in real life for a presentation in Health, so it was meant to have actually been done in real life, which it was and Little Puppy Rosy is a Taco Bell Chihauhau toy. However, it was lost, so there is no copy of the video anywhere.

Puppy: Hi, I’m Little Puppy Rosy, the Substance Abuse Puppy, and I’m here today to teach you about LSD…with the help of my buddies: Larry, the drugged up bear-

 

Larry: Moo!

 

Puppy: -and, The Predator!

 

Predator: Rrrrn…

 

Puppy: My friends and I are going to go around town and ask random people about LSD and its effects

 

(Wait 5 seconds)

(Squeeze the puppy so its says “How cool is this”)

(Fade out)

(Fade in)

(Note: butt butt is stimpyismyname’s older brother)

(butt butt is in a car)

(Run up to him)

 

Puppy: What do you know about LSD?

 

butt butt: Oh! You mean Lysergic Acid Diethylamide? Sure, I know lots of stuff!

 

Puppy: Like what?

 

butt butt: Well, first of all, when you take it, it is called “dropping acid,” and its nickname is “acid”

 

Puppy: So what? What’s bad about it?

 

butt butt (looking up): You unintelligent miscreant! You get tension, chills, fever, trembling, a loss of appetite and nausea when you “drop” it!

 

Puppy: Thank you!

 

(Throw puppy, then fade out)

(Fade in)

(Andy is in car. Run up to him)

 

Andy: Whee! Driving!

 

Puppy: Hello, kind sir. Would you tell us something about LSD?

 

Andy: No!

 

(Turn away from Andy)

 

Puppy: There is no one to talk to about LSD. Hey, wait! There’s Raphael the LSD scientist

 

(Note: Raphael is the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Raphael, and is wearing a space suit)

(Run over to Raphael)

 

Puppy: Hey, aren’t you Raphael, the famous LSD scientist?

 

Raphael: Yes, I am, I know everything about LSD.

 

Puppy: Do you know who discovered it?

 

Raphael: Yes I do, it is Albert Hoffman

 

Puppy: Wow, what happened to him?

 

Raphael: he died, because he drank LSD and had an extremely bad trip

 

Puppy: How do you take LSD and what are its effects?

 

Raphael: LSD is usually placed on foods such as sugar cubes and gelatin and eaten. Abusers say it makes their senses sharper and that ideas float through their minds, but they can’t act on them.

 

Puppy: oh…so that’s the reason why Larry has been seeing all those dancing penguins with lollipops

 

Raphael: Yes, Puppy, it is a proven fact, it is from LSD. An LSD trip can be as long as 6 to 8 hours.

 

Puppy: What happens when you have a “bad trip?”

 

Raphael: Hmm…oh yeah! It can increase anxiety, a person already had and causes a mental breakdown. Some people may feel depressed, anxious, and unreal for days after a trip. A lot of abusers have flashbacks which are when the effect of LSD returns days or months after a trip.

 

(Note: Raphael 2 is a “naked” Raphael, with only a belt on kinda)

(Raphael 2 enters)

 

Raphael 2: Hey! Wait a second, you’re the guy that took my clothes, you’re not a real LSD scientist, you’re just an LSD abuser that got out of his cage!

 

Raphael: Uh uh uh….(Looks around) bye (runs away)

 

Puppy: So wait a minute, your the real LSD scientist?

 

Raphael 2: You bet your pants I am!

 

Puppy: I have no pants!

 

(Wait a while)

 

Raphael 2: k…bye

 

(Fade out)

(Fade in with Larry, Puppy and Predator)

 

Puppy: ok, kiddies now we’re going to recreate what it would be like if someone actually took LSD

 

Larry: whee!

 

Predator: Rrrrr….

 

(Fade out)

(Fade in)

(Larry and Predator walk up to Blue)

 

Larry: Yo, buddy. Got any Lysergic Acid Diethylamide?

 

Blue: What you talkin’ bout? I know you ain’t talkin’ ‘bout my momma!

 

Larry: No no no, man. I just want some LSD!

 

Blue: Oh ok. Here ya go

 

(Move arm up with big dropper and give it to Larry)

 

Larry: How much for it, dude?

 

Blue: Free, because I’m an idiot!

 

(Let go of Blue)

 

Larry: Ohhhk…

 

(Predator jumps up and down on him and they walk away)

(Fade out)

(Fade in)

 

Larry: Yo, Predator, you wanna drop it first?

 

Predator: Rrr….

 

(Predator lays down, face up, close up on his face and drop “LSD” on his face, zoom out)

 

Predator: Rrr! Rrr!! (Flies away)

 

(Have a bunch of random scenes)

 

(Note: these were the random scenes: a dueling pair of feet with both guys saying “engarde” and “touché”, a mosh pit with Rage Against The Machine music playing, Homer Simpson and Predator fighting, and another Taco Bell Chihauhau that had a rose in its mouth and said “I think I’m in love,” a pause, and then Predator knocking over the dog)

 

(Afterwards, have Predator laying on the bed, then stand up)

 

Larry: whoa man, LSD is messed up, I never wanna do that stuff

 

(A bunch of drops fall on Larry)

 

Larry: Predator…

 

Predator (laughing): rrr rrr rrr rrr!

 

(Fade out)

(Fade in)

(Same place and same order as in the beginning)

 

Puppy: Well, kids, I hope you learned the LSD is bad because it has long term affects on your body.

 

Larry: Uhh….yeah

 

Puppy: See you next time, when we talk about sniffing dogs and how it ruins your life. Bye!

 

Larry: bye

 

Predator: Rrr…

 

(They all wave)

 

(credits)

 

The End

 

real credits, were somewhere along the lines of…

davepoobond – Wrote script, helped think up script. Voice of: Puppy, Blue

elmoisfurry – Helped think up script, camera, voice of: Larry, Predator

butt butt – Raphael, Raphael 2, Andy

Squackle Broadcasting Company, TV Shows

Scluckle Episode 1

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The Cast:

Narrator ((speaking in the ( ) ))

Dacky!

jamescrapbond

Watson

MyRightTesticle

renismyname

ear

elmaismad

cako the portuguese porker

taco homless-man

 

(there all in a room after they just made there new site called: Scluckle)

 

jamescrapbond: HaHA! Squackle will be no more with our new and improved site, Scluckle! MUHAHAHA

 

(they all laugh evily)

 

taco homless-man: yes and all we will post will be funny jokes n’ stuff n’ stuff

 

(they all laugh evily…again…)

 

cako the portuguese porker: great thinking james! we will rule the…umm…

 

(they all look at each other and shrug)

 

ear: bathroom?

 

Watson: no

 

elmaismad: Internet!

 

jamescrapbond: Yes! Internet!

 

(they all laugh evily….again….for the third freakin time….)

 

taco homeless-man: do you think we should assasinate davepoobond and steal his underwear?

 

MyRightTesticle: I want to kill my identical-testical-twin brother know as “Lefty”. Our owner only played with him all the time why i watched as my bro got rubbed! I never recovered….

 

Watson: yes i solved all dem case’s and shit-lock got all dat credit! Can you believe dat!

 

ear: i like my brother nose, he’s cool

 

(ear gets backhanded by james)

 

jamescrapbond: shut up you! we will kill those squackle bafoons and take over there internet site and we will be the rulers or the internet and force other people to have slow connections FOREVER! MUHAHAHHAHAHA

 

(blah blah blah laughing again blah blah blah)

 

cako the portuguese porker: so…whats the plan?

 

(they all shurg)

 

elmaismad: how about we masturbate infront of them?

 

renismyname: how about we run at them with sticks screaming things at them?

 

Watson: how about we sexual molest them all and blame there parents?

 

jamescrapbond: No! We will get one hudred paper-back boks and make a gun and blast them with them! ha-ha!

 

All: good idea!

 

ear: what about nose?

 

(ear gets backhanded again)

 

jamescrapbond: forget about nose, he will die a horrible paper-cut death!

 

ear: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…wait do i get his stuff

 

jamescrapbond: yes

 

ear: ok, good

 

(ok i’m sick of all this evil laughing, i’m callin’ squackle and tellin them about there god damn plan)

 

(suddenly, Dacky! comes in ((he’s the duck with the messed up face)) and beats up the team of scluckle. the whole team of scluckle is laid out on the floor)

 

Watson: i…can’t…feel…my…head

 

elmaismad: i think my brain broke…

 

(jamescrapbond stands up)

 

jamescrapbond: i didn’t want to do this but it’s time to bring out SCLUCKLE MAN!

 

(a chicken falls through the roof. it’s just an ordinary chicken and it falls down on the concrete and gets knocked out)

 

Dacky! and jamescrapbond: …

 

(cako the portuguese porker stands up and walks over to the computer they used to put up scluckle, the screen says: DO NOT PRESS ENTER)

 

cako the portuguses porker: hmm ok (he presses enter)

 

jamescrapbond: YOU DUMBASS YOU JUST TOOOOK OUT OUR WEB PA…

 

(Dacky! punches james and then kicks cako in the balls. over the anoncement thingie it says: “Self-desturct anal explosion sequence activated…preparing to blow up…todays lunch specials are: Hamburger and Broccoli. There will be no Square dancing after work today due to the end of the world. Thank you” Dacky! runs out of the sckluckle building as it just happens to blow up right after he steps off the property…like in the movies. He flys back to squackle)

 

(The End)

 

(Or Is it?)

 

(Probablly, who knows)

 

(Actually I do know but i’m not telling and you can’t make me)

 

(Leave me alone now! My soap operas are on!)

 

(Bye)

TV Shows, Squackle Broadcasting Company

Ghostwroter Episode 1

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(theme song)

Jump: Hellooooo!

 

Everyone else: Hello hello hello!

 

Ghostwroter (flies through the air): Whoosh!

 

Hop: Now its time

 

Skip: To say hello,

 

Gallop: Hi,

 

Run: Ollah!

 

Walk: Moo!

 

Jump: We’re a bunch of losers, with no families,

 

Hop: That’s why we have the gift, of talking to a big green glob that flies!

 

Skip: As well as poos-

 

Gallop: And pees!

 

Run: Peas not peeeeees!

 

(Everyone starts punching each other, a big title appearing over their heads. They stop and jump, screaming)

 

Everyone: GHOSTWROTER!!!

 

(Ghostwroter flies across the screen revealing the episode’s name)

 

Don’t Go To Austrailia!

 

Jump: Hey, guys

 

Everyone else: Hi, Jump!

 

Ghostwroter (flies through the air) spells out: Helloooo!

 

Jump: I’m sorry guys, I have to move to Austrailia with my parents…

 

Skip (patting Jump on the back): Its ok, Jump. I understand…can I have your money?

 

Hop: Wait a minute! *I* want his money!

 

Gallop: What are you guys talking about? We’re all piss broke, and he doesn’t even have parents!! (points at Jump, accusingly)

 

Jump (looking around): Um um um um um um um…

 

Gallop: We live in the same cardboard box, together!

 

Jump: That’s it! You die NOW!!

 

(Jump jumps after Gallop, but he gallops away)

 

Jump: I hate my name, I always have to jump wherever I go because of it

 

Ghostwroter spells out: Its ok, Jump. Write me a message!

 

Jump: Ok…

 

(Jump writes “You SUCK” on the floor)

 

Jump: THERE! Ya HAPPY?! I don’t see why we have a green glob instead of a FUCKING HOUSE!

 

Skip: He’s cute, that’s why

 

(Jump blinks a few times)

 

Jump: He doesn’t have a fuckin’ face!!!

 

Run: So?

 

Walk: I still love him!

 

(Walk hugs Ghostwroter)

 

Everyone except Jump: Awwww!!

 

Jump (smacks his head): How’d I get stuck with you losers, anyhow?

 

Run: Remember? Our parents were all seperated at birth and then when they had us they all said “we don’t like children” so they dumped us in a cardboard box in New York with Ghostwroter. Plus, we got these nifty pens!

 

(Run waves the pen he has in the air)

 

Jump (looking at his own pen): ………………………………………………………………oh yeah………..

 

Run: I’m hungry, what do we have in our pickle jar?

 

Gallop: Well, we have a parrot’s head, a calculator and a street sign

 

Run: I’ll take the street sign

 

(Gallop gives him the street sign and Run starts eating it)

 

Walk: Ok, we have to find a way to find out whether we’re girls or boys

 

Jump: I know I’m a boy

 

Ghostwroter spells out: I’m a glob

 

Walk: I’m a girl

 

Gallop: I’m a boy

 

Run: I’m a boy

 

Skip: I’m a girl

 

Hop: I’m a bisexual transvestite

 

(everyone looks at Hop)

 

Hop (looking from side to side): What? oh…I’m a girl……yeah, that’s it

 

Jump: Ok

 

Gallop: So, how about them Dodgers?

 

Walk: We live in New York

 

Run: So?

 

Walk: They’re in LA………

 

Gallop: THEY GOT TRADED!?!?!?!?! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

 

Ghostwroter spells out: Hahahahahahahahahaha

 

(end)

Squackle Broadcasting Company, TV Shows

Court Room Files Episode 2

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Prologue

This is a script for a really boring court movie

Scene 1

Courtroom. There is a judge (Sally), a prosecutor (Bob) a defendant (Billy), and a jury (12 people)

Sally: Order, ORDER!!

Guard: All rise…for the pledge of allegiance!

Bob: Why are you laughing?!

Guard: ….

Billy: Answer his question!

Guard: ….

Jury #1: OBJECTION, YOUR HONOR!! The defendant is clearly badgering the witness!

Sally: You’re not supposed to do that! Jury members don’t make objections!

Jury #1: I do what I want. ::Jumps out of the jury box and runs out of the courtroom::

Sally: Okay…so now we need another jury member.

Guard: Ooh, ooh! Me! MEEE!!!

Bob: Oh, so now you want to talk, huh?

Billy: Yeah, now, huh?

Bob: Shut up! I was talking! Have you no manners? ::starts crying::

Billy: Sorry…

Guard: So can I be a jury member or what?

Sally: Well, you sure can’t be a guard…

Guard: I’ll take that as a “yes!” ::dives into the jury box:: Hoo-Wah!!

Sally: Can we get on with this case? Is the prosecutor still crying?

Billy: I think I really hurt his feelings

Sally: Court will recess until tomorrow.

Billy: But I was gonna WIN!!!

Jury #2: I hate these court movies, they’re so boring.

Billy: Movie…?

Sally: Don’t worry about it…you wouldn’t understand

(fade out)

Scene 2

Courtroom.

Sally: Order! ORDER!! Okay, start the argument things.

Bob: I am here to prove that Billy’s client is guilty.

Billy: An I am paid to say that he isn’t

Sally: And where are your clients?

Bob: Umm…they couldn’t make it

Billy: They had reservations at Rocky Cola

Sally: Okay…well, I am a bit hungry myself, maybe I’ll go too. Court will recess until tomorrow

Guard: It’s tough work being on this jury. HAHAHA!!! Get it?!

Jury #3: Do you have to sit next to me?

Guard: HAHAHAHA-yes.

(fade out)

Scene 3

Courtroom.

Sally: This case is ending today!

Bob: That’s the spirit!

Billy: I guess…

Sally: Okay, prosecutor, present your evidence and stuff.

Bob: I don’t WANT to! ::runs out of the court room::

Sally: Fine. Jury, have you made a decision?

Jury #12: Yes. We feel the defendant is- ::Jury #12 spontaneously combusts::

Billy: Gasp! How do we know who won?!

Jury #11: The defendant is- ::he spontaneously combusts::

Sally: How strange… ::All jury members spontaneously combust:: I guess we’ll just have to wait for a sequel…

THE END

Squackle Broadcasting Company, TV Shows

America’s Least Wanted Episode 2

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Billy Washer: Today on America’s Least Wanted we hunt America’s least wanted as we do on every show. Since we’re not hunting down anyone today, we’re going to send Sam Jam the Cop out onto the streets of LA to find something.

9:00 P.M.

Sam Jam the Cop: I’ve been working here in LA for 4 years. Throughout my experience I handled all types of alcoholics, addicts and druggies. It’s a tough town.

Dispatch on radio: We’ve got a drunk at the tavern. Armed with a handgun. Unit alpha tango six, please respond.

Sam Jam the Cop: I got it dispatch.

Sam Jam the Cop: We’ve got a drunk at a tavern who appears to have a gun. He had a couple of beers and went berserk. We’re heading there now.

(Sam Jam the Cop enters the scene to see Mr. Dan That Was Banned From Madagascar holding a gun aimed at davepoobond, who is the bartender at the bar)

Mr. Dan That Was Banned From Madagascar: I want more or else I’ll kill you!

davepoobond: Calm down sir, you had too many!

Sam Jam the Cop (talking to Mr. Dan That Was Banned From Madagascar): Sir, put the gun down. Please calm down!

Mr. Dan That Was Banned From Madagascar: I am calmed down!

Sam Jam the Cop: Sir, put the gun down.

Mr. Dan That Was Banned From Madagascar: Shut up!

(Mr. Dan That Was Banned From Madagascar then points the gun at Sam Jam the Cop, Sam Jam the Cop gets his gun out, but Mr. Dan That Was Banned From Madagascar then faints because of the beers)

Sam Jam the Cop: Heh, he fainted from the overdose of beers. We’re going to have to take him to the hospital.

(Sam Jam the Cop cuffs Mr. Dan That Was Banned From Madagascar)

Sam Jam the Cop: You have the right to remain silent, anything you say or do will be place against you in court…

(as Sam Jam the Cop walks out with Mr. Dan That Was Banned From Madagascar, davepoobond quietly picks up the gun, and puts it in his backpocket)

davepoobond (winking): shhh! you didnt see that

 

***

 

(Sam Jam the Cop is in the police car again speaking to the camera)

Dispatch: We got two drug dealers in the alley. They are reported to be armed with automatics. Proceed with caution, wait for backup.

Sam Jam the Cop: We’ve got two drug dealers armed with machine guns. Dispatch is telling me to wait for backup, I think I’ll head there on my own.

(Few seconds later)

(Sam Jam the Cop walks into the scene with Mr. Dan That Was Banned From Madagascar But Is Now a Drug Dealer and Thomas The Drug Lord. They look drunk and disoriented)

Mr. Dan That Was Banned From Madagascar But Is Now a Drug Dealer (slurring his words): What the heck are you doing here, copper!

Thomas The Drug Lord (slurring his words also): Yeah, get out of here or else we’ll give you lead poisoning!

Sam Jam the Cop: Men, I’m going to have to place you two under arrest for drug dealing.

Mr. Dan That Was Banned From Madagascar But Is Now a Drug Dealer: Oh no, you won’t!

(Thomas the Drug Lord and Mr. Dan That Was Banned From Madagascar But Is Now a Drug Dealer pull out guns. They start shooting at Sam (Whom is standing still doing nothing) but they are horribly inaccurate from the drugs)

Sam Jam the Cop: Ha!

(Thomas the Drug Lord and Mr. Dan That Was Banned From Madagascar But Is Now a Drug Dealer fall down)

(Sam Jam the Cop walks towards Thomas the Drug Lord and Mr. Dan That Was Banned From Madagascar But Is Now a Drug Dealer and begins to cuff them)

Sam Jam the Cop: You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do will be placed against you in court…

 

(end)

Squackle Broadcasting Company, TV Shows

The Pump Girls Episode 1

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(a title appears in gay red colors that have “fat” letters with squiggly lines in them, that says “The Pump Girls)

(The Pump Girls appear next to each other under the title, and are dancing, then stop and say “PUMP” at the same time, raising their hands)

 

Announcer: Today’s episode is…

 

Pump It Up!

 

(The scene goes to the Pump Girls’ hospital beds, they’re in their hospital gowns)

 

KayKay: I wish we didn’t have juvenile diabetes

 

JoeJoe: At least we get insulin pump pagers!

 

AshAsh: Yes, we also have the Pump Girls because of this!

 

FartFart: ::Fart!!:: And we wouldn’t be able to be the Pump Girls if we didn’t have Juvenile diabetes and insulin pump pagers!

 

(KayKay starts hyperventilating)

 

KayKay: Too much…..sugar…!

 

(KayKay pushes a button on her pager with a *pshhh* sound of air, insulin pumping into her body, making her have less sugar)

 

KayKay: Ah! That feels better…

 

JoeJoe: KayKay, are you feeling “up” for our performance tonight?

 

FartFart: We have a performance!?

 

AshAsh: Yes, its our biggest break ever! We’re going to a playground next to an industrial waste dump

 

KayKay: Oh. No wonder, I forget things of importance all the time, like the time I had a bowel movement and I hadn’t gone in 4 weeks and-

 

AshAsh: Shut up

 

(KayKay gets up and takes off her hospital gown, in the middle of the room, nude)

 

FartFart: EW!!

 

KayKay: Whoops, I forgot you guys weren’t gay

 

(3 hours later)

 

Mommy Manager: Ok, everyone! Get into the van!

 

(many many homeless people pile into the van)

 

Mommy Managaer: Not you! I meant The Pump Girls!!

 

(a homeless man near the bottom raises his hand)

 

Homey the Homeless Man: I’m a Pump Girl!

 

Mommy Manager: Ok. The rest of you: OUT! Or you get dsemboweled!

 

Homeless People: Awwww

 

Mommy Manager: NOWWW!!!

 

(The Homeless People ran away, leaving Homey the Homeless Man, and The Pump Girls go to their next performance)

 

Homey the Homeless Man: Got any food?

 

Mommy Manager: Gosh no…you know that there are no foods in the world that don’t contain sugar in it, and since you have juvenile diabetes you can’t eat food, you know that.

 

(Homey the Homeless Man gets a sad face)

 

Homey the Homeless Man: I have stones in my intestine?

 

Mommy Manager: No…not anymore, we exchanged gallstones for diabetes to become The Pump Girls instead of The Rolling Gallstones. You don’t remember? Geez. We’re here.

 

(Mommy Manager stops at the playground, and everyone gets out. KayKay forgets how to walk and falls on the floor, soaking in mud)

 

KayKay: I broke a bone!

 

AshAsh: Great, we’ll never be able to perform now!

 

(Just then a plane swoops down and catches AshAsh in the propellers instantly dicing her up, and leaving only her shoes)

 

FartFart: ::Fart!!:: Ahhh! AshAsh died!

 

(Then, FartFart farted again and blew away the Mommy Manager, knocking her out. FartFart becomes exhausted and faints on top of KayKay)

 

JoeJoe: What the hell?

 

KayKay: Get her off meeee!

 

(KayKay passes out)

(Just then a bunch of children run over to JoeJoe with cans of Mountain Dew, pouring it all over her)

(JoeJoe starts having a seizure)

 

JoeJoe: Noo! I can’t take sugar into my bodyyyy!

 

(JoeJoe falls to the floor, still shaking, and passes out, still shaking)

(Homey the Homeless Man just watches all of this, takes AshAsh’s shoes and gets into the car, driving away)

(end)

TV Shows, Squackle Broadcasting Company

SBC News Broadcast 1

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Now for the top stories……David: Ok be quiet out there…

 

Audience still talking

 

David: I SAID SHUT YOUR TRAPS!

 

Audience shuts up

 

David: (ahem) 1. George W. Bush was caught cheating with Al Gore

 

Producer: Thats not true!

 

David: …2. George W Bush couldn’t tell a horses poop from Daveed’s brain…come to think of it, niether can I…

 

Daveed: You buttmunch, go screw a shrew!

 

Davis: No he’s my shrew, and you can’t have him!

 

Daveed and David look at Davis oddly

 

Davis (nervously): Uhh…nevermind…hehe…….

 

Shrew noises are coming from Davis’s room

 

David: …uh huh…anyways…also on our top news, a crazy man has been spotted running around this city naked screaming “Penis rhymes with Penis” while he waves a polish flag around and points a a big pimple on his left butt cheek…

 

Daveed: Hey that sounds like your wife david!

 

Daveed laughs while David slaps him, knocking him out

 

Davis: Now THATS a Bitch sla…

 

David slaps Davis, knocking him out right ontop of Daveed. David puts them both on the table and puts Davis’s hand in Daveeds pants and makes it look like he’s smiling.

 

Producer: Thats sick, someone get a censor out here?

 

Mr. Whatshisname: In Egypt, putting your hand down a guys pants means: “Lets eat dinner together”

 

Just then, Daveed wakes up and looks at Davis.

 

Daveed whispering to the knocked out Davis: Not now! Wait till AFTER the show! How many times do I have to tell you that!

 

Daveed gets up and sits in his seat, just then a naked guy screaming penis rhymes with penis, waving a polish flag and pointing to a pimple on his ass runs in the studio.

 

Naked Man: PENIS RHYMES WITH PENIS!

 

David: Someone get him outta here!

 

Naked Man: PEEEEEENNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSS

 

Security guy Holmes tackles the naked man, popping the pimple on his butt

 

Naked Man: OW that hurt!

 

Holmes: get outta here! and take your polish flag with you

 

Naked Man: i just wanted to play, the pimple made me INSANE

 

the naked man jumps infront of the knocked out davis while he wakes up. Davis see’s the naked mans ass and screams.

 

Davis: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

Davis jumps back and sits in his seat, closing his eyes

 

Producer: I’ll never see again…

 

Mr. Whatshisname: I’m from Egypt

 

Producer: I ALREADY KNOW THAT

 

Mr. Whatshisname: he has a big ding dong…

 

Naked Man: sweeeddddish penis enlarger! SWEEDISH SWEEDISH!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Holmes kicks the naked man in the ass so hard that the slam bolts him through the roof.

 

Davis: that was cool!

 

Producer: get on with the show you guys before i fire your sorry butts

 

David: O.o big bad producer!

 

Davis: You suck

 

Daveed: I hate my life

 

Mr. Whathisname: I’m from egypt

 

Producer is about to explode with rage. Just then the naked man comes back through the studio roof and hits the ground with a thud.

 

Holmes: I thought i told you to BEAT IT!

 

Naked Man: in public?

 

At first holmes doesn’t understand but when the producer tells what “beat it in public” means, holmes face turns an angry red.

 

Holmes: YOU SICK LITTLE BIATCH YOU GET YOUR NAKED BALD ASS OUT OF MY STUDIO BEFORE I CHOP YOUR PENIS OFF AND SHOW YOU HOW IT RHYMES WITH ASS WHOOPIN!

 

The naked man jolts out crying.

 

David: Thats our news for today, see you…

 

Just then, jeeb bush (brother of George W) runs in.

 

Jeeb Bush: Has anyonre seen my brother? Last time I saw him he was taking his clothes off with a polish flag in his hand…

 

David, Daveed, Holmes, Davis, and the Producer walk over to Jeeb and beat him up.

 

(end)

Squackle Broadcasting Company, TV Shows

What to Do On a Boring Day Episode 2

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Mr. Notyou Bill’s Dad

Mrs. Notyou Bill’s Mom

Bill Notyou Bill’s uhm well Bill

Lily Notyou Bill’s sister

Iam Ob Sessed Bill’s Best Friend

Job Workalot Bill’s Other Best Friend

Shou Ter Bill’s Other Other Best Friend

Bill: Another boring day kinda like yesterday

Mr. Notyou: I DIDNT HIT LILY LEAVE ME ALONE

Mrs. Notyou: GET BACK HERE…AHHH NO CANDY FOR YOU TONIGHT

Lily: Dady hit me (cries)

Bill: Man whats wrong with this family

Mrs. Notyou: Oh Bill leave this house…there is to many headless donkeys running around these days

Bill: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh……OOOK?!?!, well ill go to Iam’s house

He walks to the sewers to look for platypuses

Bill: What was I gonna do again, oh yeah Iam’s house

He walks to Iam’s house and knocks on the door, just then a crazy headless donkey runs across the street

Bill: Man i must be going crazy

Iam’s Mom opens the door and tells Iam to come out and play with his friend

Iam: Say uhh i got a new pet

Bill: what

Iam: a … HEADLESS DONKEY

Bill: …

Just then a Donkey with a head falls from no where onto a wandering platypus

Bill: I think the writer of this story is running out of ideas

Iam: No hes just tired cause its late

Bill: i feel like screaming

Iam: okokokok

Bill: but i wont cause i love platypuses

Iam: …

Bill: Lets not go to Shou’s house

Just then another donkey falls from the sky onto a wandering Milk Chocolate Peanut Butter Meltaway Bar

Bill and Iam: …

Imposter Shou: Hey guys i dont know how im talking to you cause im in another country but hey

Bill: hey hes not shouting

Iam: he must be an imposter

Just then a huge man falls into the streets snoring

Bill: That must be the guy making this story

Iam: Whats his name

Bill: He said he will never tell and no one does

Iam: I think this is a sign that we should go home to bed cause hes tired

Bill: Ok

Just then something happened but i forgot what it was so bye

Squackle Broadcasting Company, TV Shows

What to Do On a Boring Day Episode 1

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Characters:

Mr. Notyou Bill’s Dad

Mrs. Notyou Bill’s Mom

Bill Notyou Bill’s uhh Bill

Lily Notyou Bill’s Sister

Job Workalot Bill’s Best Friend

Iam Ob Sessed Bill’s Other Best Friend

Shou Ter Bill’s Other Other Best Friend

Mrs. Notyou: EAT YOUR FOOD NOW

Mr. Notyou: But…(sniffle)…i don’ want to

Bill: Just eat the food so we can be dismissed from dinner dad

Mr. Notyou: Why do I have to live in such a mean family (he runs out the room crying)

Bill: Can we be dismissed now

Mrs. Notyou: Oh alright

Bill walks to his friends house

Bill: Man, i’m sooooo bored

He knocks on the door of his friend Job

Job’s Mom opens the door: NO I DONT WANT THE VACUUM CLEANE….oh hi Bill come on in and eat my dog…

Bill: …uhh thats ok is Job around

Job: BILL…bye mom i’ll be back in a couple o hours

Job’s Mom: Just don’t talk to strangers and don’t eat any stray dogs

Job: Uhm…ok

Bill: Is your mom….ok?

Job: Well we have been having problems with vacuum cleaners…

Bill: What kind of problems

Job: Ya know like when your dad buys a platypus and your sister eats a cat while its playing with a cat nip toy

Bill: …..ok?

Job: Well i’m bored lets go do some non-boring stuff

Bill: like what

Job: ….uhh how about…lets go get Iam

Bill: Iam Ob Sessed…ok

Job: With what

Bill: Huh?

Job: your obsessed with what

Bill: uhh..riiiiiiiight

They walk to Iam’s house and knock on the door

Iam opens the door and lots of platypuses run out yelping

Bill: Whats with the platypuses

Iam: I like’em

Bill and Job: …

Iam: Hey …

Bill: what

Iam: Huh what u want…oh yeah huh im confused and I hope all of you out there in 3-D land are too

Job: Who are you talking to

Iam: I dunno

Bill: So………

Job: Whats we wanna do

Iam: Lets go to a movie

Bill: Alright

They walk to the theatre and look at the boards showing the movies up

Iam: Alright Return Of The Mister. Platypus Man Thing is on

Bill: Hey lets see I Don’t Know You Cause You Don’t Know me

Job: no lets see…(ba ba baaa)…This Movie Is Rated R

Bill and Iam: OH MY NOT…(ba ba baaa)…This Movie Is Rated R

Job: Well lets see what its rated

Bill and Iam: Are you that stupid

Job: I dunno

Bill: Well i’ll watch it if you guys come with me

Iam and Job: Okay

They walk to the counter where the lady sits and gives tickets for money

Lady That Sits And Gives Tickets For Money: How my I help you

Bill: We wanna see…(ba ba baaa)…This Movie Is rated R

Lady That Sits And Gives Tickets For Money: That would be $354.99

Bill, Iam, and Job: Ok

Bill: Man these movies get cheaper and cheaper everyday

They walk in and buy some pop corn then they find there seats

They started watching the movie…it wasnt really bad at all but there was a nude seen…and right when the nude seen came the movie turned off because a stray platypus brokes the camera thingie upstairs that makes the movie go

All of the sudden the whole crowd sings “The Wheeles On The Bus Go Round And Round”

Bill: Whats wrong with everyone

Iam: I dunno lets get out of here, come on Job…OH NOOO

Job: The wheels on the bus go roooound and roooound

Bill: Snap out of it man (he starts slapping him)

Job: Huh oh no…did i sing…

Bill: Yes

Job: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO(this continues for….8 minutes and 32 seconds so please say NO to yourself for 8 minutes and 32 seconds)

8 minutes and 32 seconds later

Bill: lets go

Job: RIGHT

Iam: yes please

Bill: I know lets go get Shou

They walk to Shou’s house and knock on the garbage made door made from garbage that smells like garbage cause its made out of garbage

Mrs. Ter: OH HELLO BOYS WONT YOU COME IN

Bill: thats ok we just want Shou

Mrs. Ter: SHOU COME HERE YOUR FRIENDS ARE HERE

Shou: OK MOM I WILL BE THERE IN A MINUTE MADE UP OF 60 SECONDS

Bill: ya know maybe we shouldn’t have come here

Shou walks up to them and starts yelling in their ears

Shou: HEY GUYS

Just then somethin happened in a distant state

Do you wanna know what happened?

Yes (Click One) No

what? you say your mouse doesnt work so you cant click … well just scroll down … theres 2 diffrent endings…yes ending…and no ending….

– YES ENDING

What happened is that there was a platypus and it burped

– NO ENDING

Bill: Did you just hear a platypus burp?

THE END

Squackle Broadcasting Company, TV Shows

uhh…Sport…No…Weather…No…Ah who cares Episode 5

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Dude with finding new peoples cause everyone else is dead

Dude: Hello and welcome…tongiht I will find 2 new peoples to help with me…one for sports…one for weather

First guest walks in

Dude: Whats your name

Man: Uhh…

Dude: WHATS YOUR NAME

Man: Uhh…

Dude: TELL ME YOUR NAME

Man: ITS UHH

Dude: oh

Uhh: I like weather

Dude: your in, now sit your butt down back there…NEXT

Man walks in and sits down

Dude: Whats your name

Man: Tomfoolery

Dude: You like sports?

Tomfoolery: Yes

Dude: Your in…well i would like to have another person around for video game review so NEXT

Man walks in and sits down

Dude: Whats your name

Man: Maker Of This Story

Dude: OH HI SIR

Maker Of This Story: I like video games let me in

Dude: RIGHT AWAY SIR

Maker Of This Story: Quit yelling

Dude: sorry…hey can we call you somethin elese

Maker Of This Story: Call me Vid

Dude: Why Vid

Vid: Well i’m doing video games right

Dude: ok ok…well….Now to the news…for top story we have 3 new people, Vid, Uhh, and Tomfoolery…now with sports

Tomfoolery: Well…uhh…i don watch sports

Vid: Neither do I and I make this story and i hate sports so no more sports

Tomfoolery: then ill do…uhh…anime stuff

Dude: ok…so on to weather

Uhh: Man i’m out here in Alaska and boy its hot…ITS (*#$&$^%*# degrees

Dude: well we aren’t in Alaska and (*#$&$^%*# isnt a degree

Uhh: Oh

Vid: Listen i dont do weather either so Uhh your fired

Uhh: darn

Dude: hey you cant do that

Vid: Remember what i did with Sweaty and you

Dude: what did i say you cant do that i meant you can do whatever you want

Vid: So now its me you and Tomfoolery

Dude: well lets do video games now

Vid: Well recently I got an Ultima game called the Ultima Collection, it has 10 games on 1 CD…theres a thing called ultima akalebeth and then ultima 1 – 8…they all suck except for 6,7,7 part 2,and 8…so get that game…another thing is Starcraft…the only thing is is that its a great game…heard of Warcraft well thats what starcraft is except it has to do wit space…thats for PC…PSX is FF8…FF7 is better dont get FF8…just rent it and beat it…thats all…N64, well altogether N64 sucks but Jet Force Gemini (the longest game in the world) is ok but gets boring so dont buy it just rent it and try to beat it. Now to tommy fool boy

Tomfoolery: Well biggest news is that Gundam Wings got a gay pair…that hideo guy and duo thats all

Dude: ya know what…this sux peoples dont wanna hear news…so lets jus go to our everyday life…na how about….YEAH A TALK SHOW…so from now on I will actully IM real peoples and ask them questions and stuff…so until next show lata

(end)

Squackle Broadcasting Company, TV Shows

uhh…Sport…No…Weather…No…Ah who cares Episode 4

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Dude with Top stories

Jack with half of half of half of half X 10 to the 32ed power

Sweaty with being kicked off the show for last nights incident

They all walk in

Sweaty: Hi Jack….Hi (giggles) Dude

Dude pulls out a gun

Jack: WHOA WAIT NOT YET

Dude fires 6 rounds into Sweaty’s head

Jack looks down and starts crying

Dude: Wussy

Jack: No i have somethin in my eye

Dude: Let me see

Jack looks up showing he has a Canadian African American Japaneseian Wasp in his eyes

Dude: DUDE thats sick

Jack pulls the thing off his eye and throws it in Sweaty’s mouth

Dude: Well i think we should actully do some news

Jack: Ok

Dude: With top stories…(glances at paper)I slept with Sweaty last….HEY JACK

Jack starts laughing

Dude: err

Dude: Well with other news Jack’s mother in really a Panda made out a pure Canadian dog crap

Jack: HEY

Dude:ok ok lets make a truce

Jack: errr what ever

Dude: Well theres nothing elese except that Clock Tower 2 has been released and man it sucks…but no worry…number 1 one is a lot better

Jack: All this new sucks lets get to the super bowl

Dude picks up the super bowl tape and tears it apart

Jack: ERRRRRRRRRR

Jack gets really red and explodes higher than the empire state building then an air plane hits him

Dude: What you have just seened is a replay of what happened eairlier today…we will no show you what happened inside the plane

Pilot: Hey wheres all the flight attendents

Flight Attendent: Yes what do you need

Pilot: I wanna pinch your butt

Flight Attendent: WHAT

Just then the pilot wasnt watching where he was going and then sundenly they ran into what they thought was a giant piece of duck crap but was really just Jack’s head

Dude: Thus ends this story…next time I will have 2 new peoples for this show since both Jack and Sweaty are dead…until next time this is the 6 o’ clock news….Dude signing off

News Music starts to play

Squackle Broadcasting Company, TV Shows

uhh…Sport…No…Weather…No…Ah who cares Episode 3

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Dude with top stories

Jack with sports

Sweaty with … uhm … well nothing really

Dude: ALRIGHT I BEAT YOU ON PORNAWARS

Jack: Hey we are live

Dude: Uh oh

Jack: Quick turn the game off

Dude: Turns the game off

Sweaty: Hey uhh i need a tissue you never gave me one last week

Dude: Dude get one yourself

Sweaty: Whats that mean

Dude: …

Jack: ALRIGHT SUPER BOWL IS ON FOR THE 56th TIME

Dude: …

Sweaty: …

Jack: YEAH HALF OF HALF TIME

Sweaty: whats half mean

Dude: ugh this show sucks

Sweaty: show…i like that word

Dude: man this may be true, may be not true, but……i forgot what i was gonna say

Jack:ALRIGHT HALF OF HALF OF HALF TIME

Sweaty:whats that mean

Jack: …

Dude: Hey…why is my name Dude

Jack: Uh the guy making this story named you that

Dude: Dude, so I’m not real

Jack: I dunno

Dude: so can he make me do what ever he wants

Jack: I guess so

Dude: yeah right…HEY YOU THE MAKER OF THIS STORY YOU CANT CONTROL ME

Maker Of This Story: Oh yeah

Dude: Hey what the…(Dude starts frenching sweaty)

Maker Of This Story: How do ya like that

Dude: SICK

Sweaty: HuhHuh … i liked it

Jack and Dude look at him very strangly

Dude: DUDE does he even know the diffrence between boy girl

Jack: uhm…dunno

Dude: well its gettin late im goin home

Jack:me too

Sweaty: HEH

As Dude got inside his house he got his jammies on and got in his bed.

To his surprise he saw a man…but not any old man…and the man was in his bed…it was… SWEATY

Dude: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

end

Squackle Broadcasting Company, TV Shows

uhh…Sport…No…Weather…No…Ah who cares Episode 2

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Jack with Sports

Lucky with weather

Dude with inside bathroom information

Dude: Hello and we are back…todays top stories…people can lay really big turds

Lucky: Whoa…what do they look like

Dude: Well the ones in here are all long and mushy

Lucky: COOL, let me come in

Dude: i cant open the door, you have the key dont you

Lucky: Well yes, but i locked you in from the outside…and thats impossible so come on out

Dude: DUDE im out…and i can breathe

Jack: ALRIGHT HALF TIME SUPER BOWL

Dude: Dude the super bowl was over last week

Jack: but i taped it

Dude: How many times have you watched that thing

Jack: uhh………………..24

Dude: (wipes his head)

Lucky: Hey the weathers great

Dude and Jack: OK THATS IT

Lucky: what

Dude: lets put an end to him

Jack: OK

Dude and Jack: (they kill Lucky)

Dude: Now who will we get for replacement

Jack: I know…one of my friends but he doesnt know anything about weather…infact he hasnt even been to highschool

Dude: Perfect

Jack: here he is, his name is MeladramaticOutaInsaneStandByMySide

MeladramaticOutaInsaneStandByMySide: uhh gotta tissue

Dude: Les call him somethin elese

Jack: Well My friends and thine call him Sweaty

Sweaty: Yeah see (he raises his armpit)

Dude:thats just sick

Jack: I gotta idea…instead of this being news…lets jus make it ShortNews cause the creater of this is to lazy to make to long

Dude: alright

end

TV Shows, Squackle Broadcasting Company

uhh…Sport…No…Weather…No…Ah who cares Episode 1

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Jack with sports

Lucky with weather

Dude with top stories

Dude: Hello and welcome tonight we have-

Lucky: Is it my turn?

Dude: … NO…as I was saying-

Lucky: The weather outside is good for-

Dude: Dude like, its my turn quit bustin in

Lucky: But the weather is good

Dude: Don’ make me hurt you

Lucky: Hey do you have a pet monkey?

Dude: …

Lucky: I have one…actully two…last night there were really strange noises

Dude: OOOOOOK…thats enough of that

Lucky: and the weather…its simply-

Dude: ENOUGH WITH THE WEATHER

Jack: Hey super bowl is on…YEE HAW

Dude: oh boy now Jack

Lucky: Sports SUCK

Jack: WHAT AND YOU THINK WEATHER’s ANY BETTER?

Lucky: …well,uhm,yeah

jAcK: err get ready to die

Lucky: Hey look the guy making this story made your letters funny

jAcK: huh?

Lucky: look up, it says jAcK and not Jack

jAcK: why i’m gonna kill him…HEY YOU CHANGE MY LETTERS BACK

Jack: thanks…

Dude: dude now with top stories…hey where’d my top stories paper go?

Lucky: Uh nowhere…there uh over there behind the bathrookm door.

Dude: I’ll go get ’em (Dude starts walking in the bathroom)

Lucky: (locks Dude in the bathroom)good enough of him

Jack: WEATHER SUCKS

End