The Pump Girls Episode 1

(a title appears in gay red colors that have “fat” letters with squiggly lines in them, that says “The Pump Girls)

(The Pump Girls appear next to each other under the title, and are dancing, then stop and say “PUMP” at the same time, raising their hands)


Announcer: Today’s episode is…


Pump It Up!


(The scene goes to the Pump Girls’ hospital beds, they’re in their hospital gowns)


KayKay: I wish we didn’t have juvenile diabetes


JoeJoe: At least we get insulin pump pagers!


AshAsh: Yes, we also have the Pump Girls because of this!


FartFart: ::Fart!!:: And we wouldn’t be able to be the Pump Girls if we didn’t have Juvenile diabetes and insulin pump pagers!


(KayKay starts hyperventilating)


KayKay: Too much…..sugar…!


(KayKay pushes a button on her pager with a *pshhh* sound of air, insulin pumping into her body, making her have less sugar)


KayKay: Ah! That feels better…


JoeJoe: KayKay, are you feeling “up” for our performance tonight?


FartFart: We have a performance!?


AshAsh: Yes, its our biggest break ever! We’re going to a playground next to an industrial waste dump


KayKay: Oh. No wonder, I forget things of importance all the time, like the time I had a bowel movement and I hadn’t gone in 4 weeks and-


AshAsh: Shut up


(KayKay gets up and takes off her hospital gown, in the middle of the room, nude)


FartFart: EW!!


KayKay: Whoops, I forgot you guys weren’t gay


(3 hours later)


Mommy Manager: Ok, everyone! Get into the van!


(many many homeless people pile into the van)


Mommy Managaer: Not you! I meant The Pump Girls!!


(a homeless man near the bottom raises his hand)


Homey the Homeless Man: I’m a Pump Girl!


Mommy Manager: Ok. The rest of you: OUT! Or you get dsemboweled!


Homeless People: Awwww


Mommy Manager: NOWWW!!!


(The Homeless People ran away, leaving Homey the Homeless Man, and The Pump Girls go to their next performance)


Homey the Homeless Man: Got any food?


Mommy Manager: Gosh no…you know that there are no foods in the world that don’t contain sugar in it, and since you have juvenile diabetes you can’t eat food, you know that.


(Homey the Homeless Man gets a sad face)


Homey the Homeless Man: I have stones in my intestine?


Mommy Manager: No…not anymore, we exchanged gallstones for diabetes to become The Pump Girls instead of The Rolling Gallstones. You don’t remember? Geez. We’re here.


(Mommy Manager stops at the playground, and everyone gets out. KayKay forgets how to walk and falls on the floor, soaking in mud)


KayKay: I broke a bone!


AshAsh: Great, we’ll never be able to perform now!


(Just then a plane swoops down and catches AshAsh in the propellers instantly dicing her up, and leaving only her shoes)


FartFart: ::Fart!!:: Ahhh! AshAsh died!


(Then, FartFart farted again and blew away the Mommy Manager, knocking her out. FartFart becomes exhausted and faints on top of KayKay)


JoeJoe: What the hell?


KayKay: Get her off meeee!


(KayKay passes out)

(Just then a bunch of children run over to JoeJoe with cans of Mountain Dew, pouring it all over her)

(JoeJoe starts having a seizure)


JoeJoe: Noo! I can’t take sugar into my bodyyyy!


(JoeJoe falls to the floor, still shaking, and passes out, still shaking)

(Homey the Homeless Man just watches all of this, takes AshAsh’s shoes and gets into the car, driving away)


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