A man entered an ice cream shop and asked, “What flavors of ice cream do you have?”
“Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry,” the girl wheezed as she spoke, patted her throat, and seemed unable to continue.
“Do you have laryngitis?” the man asked sympathetically.
“No,” the girl whispered. “Just vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry.”
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We have a guest this week! It’s Daniel, the guy that went to the strawberry festival last week. We put him on the grill and insult his decision for going to the strawberry festival along with his weird two-headed friend, Lucy the Two-Headed Goosey.
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http://www.strawberryfestival.org/
What have we become? A never ending http://www.strawberryfestival.org/ ad for the http://www.strawberryfestival.org/ Strawberry Festival? http://www.strawberryfestival.org/
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In honor of the Zombie Apocalypse, AMC is starting a new show called…
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Zombie Apocalypse 2012:
Guy eating someone’s face off in Florida.
Guy eating his roommates brain in Maryland.
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Get off my computer, Jamie Oliver. You’re not a chemist. You’re just an asshole.
Silly Jaime Oliver, we shouldn’t be throwing away perfectly edible food. We should at least ship it off to Africa!
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McDonalds used to be a value. Now they try to sell you everything in bulk so that there is the same perceived value as what was once known as the Dollar Menu.
Only 20 bucks!
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That new Coldplay song is pretty bad. It doesn’t even sound like a Coldplay song.
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Rihanna looks dumb. Please remove her from my music and movies.
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Carly Rae Jepsen? Who stepped in what? Yet another terrible song for your listening pleasure:
The Sky Is The Limit must be gay code for anal sex. So is “funnel cake.”
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#1 – Piss
#2 – Poo
#3 – Poop and Pee at the same time.
#4 – Poo, Pee, and a Yak (a barf). Mostly done by bulimics and people who don’t feel very good.
#5 – Opening up your intestine and chopping up parts and throwing it at police (Zombies gotta poop somehow)
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The newer Dawn of the Dead introduced running zombies. Is it really that much weirder than the idea of zombies in the first place?
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[Rec] was a “demonic infestation” sort of zombie thing rather than a virus or reanimated corpses due to magic/radiation. By the way, that was a spoiler.
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Want to hire screamers with 13 dB yells or higher to make movies seem more scary than they are. Apply at the offices of William Castle.
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Facebook and Mark Zuckerburg jokes are so funny.
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The real #5 – Peeing inside someone. A whole #1, while penetrating them.
#6 – Same thing as #5 but taking a shit on them instead.
#7 – Forced ejaculation
#8 – Vegetables in orifices, coming out.
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The #1 (pun intended) defense against Zombies is making a house out of sugary treats.
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#9 – You don’t even need a can opener. You just peel it back and drop that shit in, then you turn it to medium heat and stir it.
#10 – Strawberry sauce/Period Juice on your Hot Dog.
#11 – “Painting the porta potty.” The paintbrush is your dick and the porta potty is a person’s ass.
X Squared – all of the above
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Boy that was a great one, huh, guys? Who knows what’s going to happen next week!
Q: What has one hundred freckles?
A: A strawberry.
Q: What’s a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
A: Straw-berries.
The Munch-kins
Auntie Em (& M)
The Wicked Sand-witch of the West
The Straw(berry) Man
(Po)Toto
Q: What is the best way to raise strawberries?
A: With a spoon!
Q: What’s red and shakes like a bowl full of jelly?
A: Strawberry Jell-O, silly!
Q: Why did the strawberry cross the road?
A: Because his mother was in a jam.
An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them.
When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left.
Later that night while watching TV, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked, “Where are you going?”
He replied, “To the kitchen.”
She asked, “Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?”
He replied, “Sure.”
She then asked him, “Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?”
He said, “No, I can remember that.”
She then said, “Well I would also like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down because I know you’ll forget that.”
He said, “I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.” She replied, “Well I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down.”
With irritation in his voice, he said, “I don’t need to write that down! I can remember that.” He then fumes into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment and said angrily:
“I TOLD you to write it down! You forgot my toast!”
Q: What is a strawberry when it is sad?
A: A blueberry.
wegner – n. fresh, sweet cream poured over ripe, juicy strawberries
olicracil – v. to get Hershey’s chocolate or strawberry syrup as a prize on a game show
erakat – n. a dessert that is made of popcorn seeds, honey, and a strawberry cooked at 450 degrees for 4 minutes
| hash | 25/Jun/2002:00:22:55 | |
| squackle is really good on bread with strawberry jelly | ||