I heard a story about a husband whose wife was never pleased with any present he bought her. So one Christmas he decided to give her cash as a gift. Naturally, she exchanged it for something else.
Tag Archives: holiday stuff
Joke #12799
I know one fellow who was so scary, on Halloween he didn’t have to buy a mask.
Joke #12736
I finally found a way to get back at my postman for slow service. I mailed him his Christmas gift.
Joke #12625
A mother gave her children’s school bus driver an ideal Christmas present — a pair of ear plugs.
Joke #12554
Inflation has reduced my household to a two-party system: a New Year’s Eve Party and a Christmas Party.
Joke #12541
OVERHEARD: “Last Christmas I gave her something worth 25 dollars — a fifty-dollar bill.”
Joke #12522
The prices they get for toys these days are outrageous. Last Christmas in order to buy my daughter a dollhouse, I had to take out a mortgage on it.
Joke #12443
Everyone in the world is feeling the money crunch. This year at the North Pole, Santa Claus showed up at the unemployment office the day after Christmas.
optimist
optimist – n. a person who buys a car and hopes he’ll find a parking space before the car is paid for
;} a person who lights a match before asking to borrow a cigarette
;} a person who starts a diet on Thanksgiving
;} a person who swears off liquor on New Year’s Eve
Joke #11965
What a childhood I had! One Christmas, Santa left me a bag to wear over my head.
Joke #11457
Q: What do you call Santa’s helpers?
A: Subordinate clauses.
Joke #11444
Sister: What are you giving Mom and Dad for Christmas?
Brother: A list of everything I want!
Joke #11428
Sister: Well, how are you doing with that electronic drum set that you got for Christmas?
Brother: Great. It’s the most wonderful present I ever got.
Sister: Why’s that?
Brother: Dad pays me two dollars a week not to play it.
Joke #11426
Frank: I wish you’d only sing Christmas carols.
Megan: Why?
Frank: Because then you’d only have to sing once a year!
Joke #11329
Q: Whom did the monster take to the valentine dance?
A: His ghoulfriend.
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Another version of this joke:
Q: Why did the ghost ask the teacher if he could change his seat?
A: He wanted to sit next to his ghoul-friend!