On my four-year-old daughter’s first trip to Disneyland, she couldn’t wait to get on Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride.
As the car zoomed through the crazy rooms, into the path of a speeding train, and through walls that fell away at the last second, she clutched the little steering wheel in front of her.
When the ride was over, she said to me a little shakily, “Next time, you drive. I didn’t know where I was going.”
One evening I was driving my six-year-old daughter to her grandparents’ home for an overnight stay. It was late, there was little traffic and we were enjoying a peaceful ride. It was a far cry from the usual chaos surrounding us when I drive her to various activities during rush hour.
My daughter seemed deep in thought when she said, “I have a question.”
“What do you want to know?”
“Mom, when you’re driving,” she asked, “are you ever the idiot?”
My husband had run to the store with our daughters, Sarah (4) and Hannah (2) and on the way home he drove through a neighborhood looking for houses for sale. After a bit Sarah asked, “Daddy, what are we doing?”
My husband said he was looking at the houses that were for sale.
Sarah asked “Are you gonna buy a new house?”
Dad replied “Maybe.”
Then Sarah said with much concern, “But Dad, how will we get it HOME?!”
Using a new painting program on my computer, I managed to come up with a very credible still life of fruit.
I made a color printout and sent it to my daughter, a graphic designer. She called when it arrived. “Isn’t it good?” I asked.
She chuckled, and in a tone that echoed mine from years ago, replied, “Mom, it’s beautiful. We put it on the refrigerator.”
While driving with my daughter and her husband, I noticed that the woman in the car ahead of us had a rather odd vanity plate.
“That’s weird,” I said, pointing to it. “Why would anyone want to boast about mold on their car?”
“Call me crazy,” said my son-in-law after deciphering the phrase, “but I believe that reads ‘FUN-GAL.'”
Stopping to pick up my daughter at kindergarten, I found out that the topic of “Show and Tell” that day had been parents’ occupations.
The teacher pulled me aside. Whispering, she advised, “You might want to explain a little bit more to your daughter what you do for a living.”
I work as a training consultant and often conduct my seminars in motel conference rooms.
When I asked why, the teacher explained, “Your daughter told the class she wasn’t sure what you did, but said you got dressed real pretty and went to work at motels.”
For their anniversary, a couple went out for a romantic dinner. Their teenage daughters said they would fix a dessert and leave it waiting.
When they got home, they saw that the dining room table was beautifully set with china, crystal and candles, and there was a note that read:
“Your dessert is in the refrigerator. We are staying with friends, so go ahead and do something we wouldn’t do!”
“I suppose,” the husband responded dryly, “we could clean the house.”
A wealthy New York businessman who sent his two daughters to the University of California’s Los Angeles campus in the hope that they would find something unusual to study there that would stir them out their apathy. He was considerably alarmed, however, when they wrote back to tell him that they both had decided to specialize in research on ancient Egyptian plumbing.
He immediately sent them a telegram which read, “Under no circumstances will I support a couple of Pharaoh Faucet Majors!”
No one is more cautious than a first-time parent. After our daughter was big enough to ride on the back of my bicycle, I bought a special carrier with a seat belt and got her a little helmet.
The day of the first ride I put her in the seat, double-checked all the equipment, wheeled the bike to the end of the driveway, carefully looked both ways and, swinging my leg up over the crossbar, accidentally kicked her right in the chin.
JUDGE: “Haven’t I seen you somewhere before?”
CROOK: “I gave your daughter singing lessons.”
JUDGE: “Thirty years!”
“I begged and borrowed and sold my daughter to get copies of the registration handbook”
– Mrs. Stickums
“if you hurt my daughter, I WILL kill you”
– from the TV
“I just love MBC’s holiday extras – They are perfect for my kid’s teachers and stocking stuffers for my teenage daughter.”
– from the Internet
“you will be my daughter”
– Gandhi (1982)
“Did they send me daughters…..when I asked for sons? I’LL MAKE A MAN OUT OF YOU!!”
– Mulan (1998)