Tag Archives: brother

The Whitman’s House: A Halloween Story

I wrote this in 6th grade for class.  I preserved all of the bad grammar and/or spelling errors that might be present.

I. There was always something strange about that house in Hintelville. The house in Hintelville is so weird every time someone walks past it they is scared to death! Every Friday the thirteenth all the ghosts attack the town of Hintelville … the town where Anthony lives.

II. “Hey guys if we’re going to get to Anthony’s house by sundown we have to go NOW!” Dave and Matt’s dad yelled

“Just a minute dad!” Dave said. Dave is twelve years old, he hopes something exciting will happen in his life. He can hack into any computer system, and he has black hair and hazel eyes. Dave’s brother, Matt, has black hair and hazel eyes, is 11 ½ years old, and he can program games on computers. Anthony is their favorite cousin. He is awesome, at age thirteen, and has cool ideas on how to have fun. Dave was stuffing their clothes in his gym bag while Matt was getting their laptop computer in his bag.

III. When they finally got to Anthony’s (from a two hour car trip), they rang Anthony’s doorbell. In a few minutes Anthony opened the door. He said, “Dave, Matt what are you doing here?”

“We’re going to stay over for two weeks! Isn’t that great?” Dave said.

Anthony said, “Come on in, I gotta talk to you about something.” When they went to Anthony’s room, Anthony closed the door and said, “It’s really bad that you came today.”

“Why” Matt asked.

“Because tomorrow is Friday the thirteenth. At the stroke of twelve the ghosts of the old Whitman house attack Hintelville. Every Friday the thirteenth we’ve been able to stop them from taking over the town.” Anthony answered.

IV. So tomorrow was Friday the thirteenth. Everybody in the town was ready for action. The people of Hintelville had made a little “army” outside. While Matt was outside with the “army” Dave stayed inside with the laptop. Suddenly Dave heard screams, gun shots, and more screaming. Then Dave looked back to the laptop and opened a file called “Ghost Houses.” There were about twenty houses. Dave typed in “Whitman” and then he saw the house! Dave looked down at the “What you should do to make the ghosts disappear”: 1.Call the Ghostbusters. 2.Get outta Hintelville. 3.Hack into the house’s computer system.

“Hey, wait a minute! Since when does a haunted house have a computer system?” Dave said. Dave heard a bloodcurdling scream. Dave pressed on “Hack’em!” At the bottom of the page. Inside the Whitman computer system, there was were many types of ghosts and everything. “So the ghosts are all computer holograms!” Dave said.

V. Then Dave rushed to the window and yelled, “Everybody head for the house!” Everybody listened to Dave and started racing to the house. Inside Dave put on a bullet proof vest that Anthony had left him just in case. He also took two hand guns and a machine gun. He also took a helmet. Then Dave scampered to the house for the final confrontation. When Dave got outside all the “ghosts” had suddenly disappeared!

VI. When Dave got to the house everybody was waiting for Dave him.

Then Anthony said, “So, are we going to get in or what?” When he said that, they started banging down the door and breaking windows to get in. When they got in they started ambushing the bad guy behind it all. They chased him through the house. Finally they caught him. It was some guy named Antonio Pilowpioosowsomething. He said, “Dang, I almost captured the town.”

THE END

WoW Chat #23105: davepoobond -> Woody

Woody is trying to sell a guild in trade chat.

davepoobond:  how much is it

Woody:  50k

Woody:  wanna buy it

davepoobond:  trying to convince a friend

davepoobond:  i don’t think he wants it even though he founded it

Woody:  50k and you have a level 25 guild all to your self

Woody:  its worth it

Woody:  whats your buddys name?

davepoobond:  he’s raiding right now

Woody:  do you wanna buy it?

davepoobond:  nope

Woody:  shit

Woody:  I see what you did there ;D

davepoobond:  you do?

davepoobond:  what’d i do

Woody:  woops wrong person but ill go 45k if you buiy it now’

davepoobond:  how many tabs

Woody:  3

Woody:  with active guild

davepoobond:  hmmm

davepoobond:  are there any girls in the guild

Woody:  yeah 1

davepoobond:  does she put out

Woody:  2

Woody:  and put out>”

Woody:  ?

davepoobond:  what are their cup sizes

Woody:  lol omg

Woody:  want it or not

davepoobond:  how many are going to stay after i buy the guild

Woody:  everyone but 3

Woody:  2 forsure

Woody:  my brothers

davepoobond:  how many of the girls are in that 3

Woody:  none lmao

davepoobond:  what items are in the guild bank

Woody:  herbs gems

Woody:  glyphs

davepoobond:  thats all?

Woody:  mats

davepoobond:  what kind of music do the girls like to listen to

Woody:  dude lol

Woody:  buying it or not

davepoobond:  can i tell you a story

Woody:  sure

davepoobond:  i wasn’t a popular kid in school

davepoobond:  i didn’t have a lot of friends

davepoobond:  if someone asked to take advantage of me, by eating my french fries during lunch

davepoobond:  i was happy because someone was paying attention to me

davepoobond:  one day i got an email full of screen names with all of the girls in the school i went to

davepoobond:  so i IMd each one of them, pretending to be some hot guy with bleached tips on his hair

davepoobond:  and they actually wanted to talk to me for no other reason than my picture

Woody:  is this true>

davepoobond:  it is all true

davepoobond:  what are your thoughts about my story

Woody:  i feel bad

davepoobond:  why do you feel bad

Woody:  because if its true you didn’t deserve it

davepoobond:  i deserve everything i get

Woody:  are you buying the guild or what lol

davepoobond:  i have never known the touch of a woman

Joke #18685

Mr. Schwartz was the oldest of 7 children, so he had to quit school and work to help support his younger brothers and sisters. He never learned to read, so when he married and started a checking account, he signed his checks simply “XX”.

Eventually he started his own business, which immediately prospered.

He soon was a very rich man. One day, he got a call from his bank. “Mr. Schwartz,” said the banker, “I need to ask you about this check. We weren’t sure you had really signed it.  All these years you’ve been signing your checks ‘XX’, but we just got one that was signed with three XXX’s…”

Mr. Schwartz answered, “No problem, my friend. It’s just that since I’ve become so wealthy, my wife thought I ought to have a middle name.”

Joke #18605

One semester when my brother, Peter, attended the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis, an art-student friend of his asked if he could paint Peter’s portrait for a class assignment. Peter agreed, and the art student painted and submitted the portrait, only to receive a C minus.

The art student approached the professor to ask why the grade was so poor. The teacher told him that the proportions in the painting were incorrect.

“The head is too big,” the professor explained. “The shoulders are too wide, and the feet are enormous.”

The next day, the art student brought Peter to see the professor. He took one look at my brother and said, “Okay, A minus.”

Joke #18558

Our mom needed a new mattress for her antique bed, so my brother, Josh, and I decided to buy her one as a gift. The problem was we weren’t sure what to get, because it was an odd size. Fortunately, my brother happened to be visiting my mother one day when I called home.

“Measure the bed frame before you leave,” I told him.

“I don’t have a tape measure.”

“You can use a dollar bill,” I suggested, “each one is six inches long.”

“Can’t,” he replied after digging through his wallet, “I only have a ten.”