Tell me — is it possible for a bed to have two wrong sides?
Joke #13080
If I lived by my wits, I’d start off bankrupt.
Joke #13079
I live by my wits. I’ll bet you’re amazed that a business can operate in the red.
Joke #13078
I hope that dreams are not secret with fulfillments. All I have are nightmares.
Joke #13077
People always insult my looks. When I go to the zoo, I need two tickets… one to get in and one to get out.
Joke #13076
If I bought one of those toy cows that gives milk, it would probably go dry.
Joke #13075
Talk about double trouble. I’m the only person on my block with gray hair and acne.
Joke #13074
Her cooking is so bad that just to be on the safe side, she only invites dinner guests who have their life insurance paid up.
Joke #13073
MAE: “I get everything backwards.”
RAY: “I can’t believe that.”
MAE: “It’s true. I’ll give you an example. Yesterday I tried to follow a recipe for pineapple upside-down cake and ended up with a pineapple down-side up cake.”
Joke #13072
I’m not that coordinated. I can’t chew gum and drive a car at the same time.
Joke #13071
I’m so wishy-washy that when I go to a hamburger joint and order a whopper, I’ll have it any way they want to make it.
Joke #13070
Our car engine coughed and sputtered a lot. My son, the whiz kid, tried to fix it by filling the radiator with cough medicine.
Joke #13068
MR. CHEAP: “How much does a cup of coffee cost?”
WAITER: “30 cents.”
MR. CHEAP: “How much for a refill?”
WAITER: “A refill is free.”
MR. CHEAP: “Great! I’ll have a refill.”
Joke #13067
What kind of luck do I have? Yesterday I found a ten-dollar bill in the middle of the street. And when I bent over to pick it up, I got hit by a truck.
Joke #13066
You can’t win. If prosperity doesn’t go to your head, it goes to your stomach.