Quotes, re-enactments, “real-life” chat logs.
So a guy wanted to buy a slushy, and I asked him what flavor it was so I could ring it up.
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davepoobond: “What flavor is that?”
Slushy Guy: “Strawberry, Idon’tknowrarerr….RED.”
davepoobond: “Red?”
Slushy Guy: “Yeahhhh, I don’t knoww”
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So I rang him up for a red-flavored slushy. The End.
“The POP3 server service depends on the SMTP server service, which failed to start because of the following error:
‘The operation completed successfully.'”
– Windows NT Server v3.51
General Motors doesn’t have a “help line” for people who don’t know how to drive, because people don’t buy cars like they buy computers — but imagine if they did . . .
HELPLINE: “General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?”
CUSTOMER: “I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!”
HELPLINE: “Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?”
CUSTOMER: “What’s an ignition?”
HELPLINE: “It’s a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine.”
CUSTOMER: “Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?”
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HELPLINE: “General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?”
CUSTOMER: “My car ran fine for a week, and now it won’t go anywhere!”
HELPLINE: “Is the gas tank empty?”
CUSTOMER: “Huh? How do I know!?”
HELPLINE: “There’s a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle, and markings from ‘E’ to ‘F.’ Where is the needle pointing?”
CUSTOMER: “It’s pointing to ‘E.’ What does that mean?”
HELPLINE: “It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay the vendor to install it for you.”
CUSTOMER: “What!?” I paid $12,000. for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!”
:: Tim passes note to blowthetoad::
Tim: I LIVE IN YOUR DESK!!!…. i’ll give more info later…
:: blowthetoad passes note back ::
blowthetoad: Well… for the love of bologna! If you live in my desk,
Jerica isn’t German!–(GERMAN PRIDE!)
:: Tim passes note back to blowthetoad ::
Tim: GRRR… YOU WANNA DIE?!!!!!!
:: blowthetoad passes not back ::
blowthetoad: well well well…. have the tables have turned… I <u>WILL</u>
hump a monkey’s nose…DEEP! and if your lucky, yo mama will be next!
:: Tim passes not back to blowthetoad ::
Tim: well… I should bitch slap you to, boy!!
:: blowthetoad passes note back ::
blowthetoad: has your mom ever been ‘bucked’ by <u>TIM</u> <b>BUCK</B> too?
:: Tim passes note back to blowthetoad ::
Tim: eat shit
Note: The other color is someone else
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Jess~
So people keep comin to me sayin
KRISTI THE COOK…
is talking all kinds of shit to Brandon Little Penis about me. Like I slept w/a gardner, I give head to anyone & neone. She just won’t give up! Stupid bitch. SO…I’m gonna need ur help to bitch out her fat ass.
w/b (heart) Gorrilla
lol! what the fuck! R u sure? yea I will help! fuck her! OMG I have shit to say!
Note: The other color is another person.
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OmG! I hate this b/c I realized I can’t be with any one but Jason! like no one will make me happy but him! awww!
Hehe awww. Good
that’s not good! b/c I can’t be w/ him my sister would really kill him! awww! what can I do! she already almost put him in jail what now! my family would kill him
shit I think you may have to wait then b/c that wont work for now =C
yea your right! I hate her I wish she wasn’t my sister! she just hurts me & interfears w/ my life! I really want you to meet him! He’s sooo funny!
I know she interferes its stupid.
that would would be awesome to meet him. J+B= need to chill again
OMG! I know we haven’t chilled in sooooooooo long! Donkmaster likes Kate
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now that last part is really weird, as you may or may not know, Donkmaster is a former member of Squackle, before he sold out. It was really random, because all through that, the last thing I expected was to see something like that….anyway….its stupid….
Ok, there’s a little back story to this. Over Christmas Vacation in December 2002, 6 computers and 2 printers were stolen from our Media Arts class, a film making class. The only thing they left were 5 mouse pads. They took one of the mouse pads for some reason. Without computers, we can’t do shit in the class, so they were stolen, and a big deal was made out of it. There’s a school article about it, and maybe one day i’ll get around to putting that bullshit up. Anyway, these 2 people heard about our “misfortune” and decided to get 6 IBM computers for us. Low and behold, the old computers were found, and we didn’t get them back until March 2003, but 4 of them had no hard drives and no RAM in them, which was hilarious. So then Mr. Pillips, our Media Arts teacher, wrote this stupid suck up letter that i found on one of the computers. Its such bullshit, that i decided to put it up.
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Dear Joe and Anita,
We can’t thank you enough for your generous and thoughtful donation of the IBM computers to our Media Arts class. You helped us to avoid a potentially disastrous situation. Now, we can allow more students to work on the computers and fully experience what the Media Arts class has to offer. The kids are able to learn and master Adobe Premiere non-linear editing and several special effects programs. With the Foothill Film Festival around the corner, the computers couldn’t have come at a better time. Last year at the Festival, we had students take first place in two events. The Media Arts students are working furiously on their movies so that they too can compete for an award. The computers you donated are helping these students reach their goal. The students all wish to thank you for this unbelievable donation. This class could not have continued without you. Thank you so much!
With great appreciation,
Mr. Pillips and his Media Arts classes
———————————
first of all, he uses all these terms that these people probably won’t even understand, and won’t even CARE about. the absolutely corniest part of this was this quote: “The Media Arts students are working furiously on their movies.”
i mean, fuckin COME ON, this is such a horrible letter, and you can tell that its all COMPLETE bullshit. Ok i’m done.
this has realllly bad writing and its really hard to read it, so it might have some wrong words…and there’s a bunch of random thingys on this…
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I’m tired b/c Mr. Lever 2000 didn’t tell me a time I had to get here early so I could talk more is a cafeteria dance before prom where they announce the prom comissions
Are you going to go?
Its the best dance ever! But I can’t go
b/c I’m grounded
I skip SSR. And forged a not my mom found out. Also b/c she said I lied to her b/c I told her I was in the nurses. I know b/c I don’t have an off
campus permit
All of it. Wow is big When’t Easter?
This sun. looooooooooooooo
b/c then I’l bean my dad, I wasn’t but there’s no point staying here when I’m grounded. 1/2 an hour. I want this class to be over! But I don’t want to go to Bio. I have to b/c I have to take my test. I’d rather get it over w/
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Weird misplaced things through the rest of the paper:
-Wont move my head
-Thats why I can’t nod my head
-You know you can talk
-Good
-Are you and Danielle still together?
-You would just start making
-If a sound annoyed me why would I tell you
-Cool I just was wondering! Gosh.
-What are you and Breydan going to do!!!!
-I know but I want to be cool like yoo why not! its ok
-Dogs! they were going to eat you guys
-Look @ Matt’s little brother. He looks so preppy especially compared to him
-Then all the guys started to get mad b/c But i was friends w/all of his. I didn’t mean it like that! No comment
-but he has Never Fallen in a toilet
-He’s too young. You’re corrupting him. So I’ve never gotten high and I’m almost out of 10th gr.
-but they’re high so much that our voices are too loud for them
-When they get high they sleep bascially they are just dead. they sit there like this. ITs FUNNY!
-I know I’m actually normal but I’m usually LOUD
-soneetimes. but usually its just us girls. b/c we can be as loud and hyper as we want
-We don’t hang out on the weekends anymore
-and
-Shu-up!
-He was too quite
-We were hanging out w/ Maddison, Chris, Ashton, Mark, So me and Dustin in star led to wot hang out as much
Dear Parents:
Please review the following procedures to help us ensure the safety of all school students.
In case of a black out, during class time, the school’s staff and students will remain in the classroom. We will hold the bell if necessary.
All teachers have been provided with flashlights and safety kits. In addition, our generator provides low lighting in the halls for safe exit.
The administration and security team will patrol the halls, classrooms and campus. We have been assured that telephones will be in operation.
If a black out occurs between class periods or during break or lunchtime, our procedure is for students and staff to assemble on the field, according to their SSR/Homeroom assignments.
We are asking that you do not pick up your son/daughter during a black out period. Blackouts occuring in other cities have been typically for one hour or less.
davepoobond: before you read this, i want you to understand what this is. This is a weird thingy, and i found it in a parking lot at school, so i dont know who it is…this is just screwed up, so thats why its here in the first place
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How everything pricks my consience, and spurs me on again to my revenge! What is man, if he merely spends his life sleeping and eating? No better than a beast. Surely the God who gave us the ability to think logically, and to conceive of past and future, didn’t endow us with that skill and reasoning power for it to grow mildly in us from disguise. I don’t know whether this is brutish ignorance, or some cowardly indescision caused by thinking far too deeply about the consequences (something which always consists of one part wisdom and three parts cowardice!) that makes me put things off. After all, I have the motive, the determination, the strength and the means to do it. There’s no shortage of examples to inspire me: witness this large and costly army, led by a sensitive and youthful prince whos courage – inflated bwith divine ambition – scoffs at danger. He risks his life, exposing himself to chance, death and danger, and all for an empty shell. True greatness lies not in fighting noble causes, but in quibbling over trifles when honor is at stake. What’s to be said of me, then? I have a father who has been murdered, another who has been defiled, and motives inspired both by reason and passion: yet I’ve dont nothing to my shame, at the same time. I see the imminent deaths of twenty thousand men, who for an illusion, the sham of renown, go to their graves as if to their beds, and fight over a plot of croung not big enough to accomodate the combatants, nor to bury them should they be slain. Oh from now on my thoughts must conentrate on vengeance, or they’re unworthy.
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davepoobond: haha, scared you huh? its actually a school assignment…it was confirmed with my school. oh well, it was sorta funny putting you on for a while. ahaha. thats why it deserves to go up on Screwed Up Town, eh? Because the school assigns reports like these to turn in.
“Did you know…that when you walk past a flower, whether it be in somebody’s garden or on a vacant hillside, the flower will always smile at you. The most polite way to respond, I’ve been told, is to cheerfully return the smile.”
– Ron Atchison
“We grow great by dreams. All big men are dreamers. They see things in the soft haze of a spring day or in the red fire of a long winter’s evening. Some of us let these great dreams die, but others nourish and protect them; nurse them through bad days till they bring them to the sunshine and light which comes always to those who sincerely hope that their dreams will come true.”
– Woodrow Wilson, 28th US President
“I think you’re misinterpreting what quiet means. It doesn’t mean talk quietly, it means be quiet!”
– Miss Canoffat
“from my stick figure drawings, it may look like 2 parabolas, but its NOT”
– Dr. OldNBald
“Right, I’m Stupid?”
– From a video game