Epitaph on a gossip tombstone: “Who cares if you talk about me! Everything you say goes right over my head now.”
Category Archives: Jokes
The whole Joke archive. Tons of jokes!
Joke #12989
Q: What has the shortest life span in the world?
A: New Year’s resolutions. They’re born before midnight and dead and forgotten by the next day.
Joke #12988
A rumor is like a used car. To find out how far it will go, the first thing you have to do is get it started.
Joke #12987
TEX: “Down home, we brand our cattle!”
REX: “We’re so rich, we have ours monogrammed.”
Joke #12986
DOCTOR FRANKENSTEIN: “Tell me, Igor, where is the monster?”
IGOR: “He went to town to mail off 20 Father’s Day cards.”
Joke #12985
This has to be the nuttiest of nutty taxi driver stories. One day, a man jumps in his cab and shouts, “Quick! Follow that car.”
And the nutty taxi driver hops out of the cab and runs after the car.
Joke #12984
Did you hear about the near-sighted turtle who fell in love with an army helmet?
Joke #12983
A spaceship landed on the front lawn of a house on Long Island. A mouse stepped out and walked up to the front door and knocked. A man opened the door and the mouse said, “Take me to your liederkranz!”
Joke #12982
Q: How do you play Russian Roulette in India?
A: You play the flute with six cobras around you, and one of them is deaf.
Joke #12981
A lady in San Francisco was entertaining a friend when the telephone rang. She answered it, giggled shrilly, said, “Sure is!” and hung up. A moment later the phone rang again. And again she answered it, laughed even louder, and exclaimed, “Sure is!” and hung up.
The friend was puzzled. “What’s going on there?” she asked.
“Strangest thing,” explained the lady. “Some fool person on that phone called up just to say ‘Long distance from New York.’ So I said, ‘Sure is!’ and hung up!”
Joke #12980
Q: What makes the tower of Pisa lean?
A: It never eats!
Joke #12979
A tenant was complaining to his landlord. “My roof is leaking and the rain keeps coming through the broken window causing my floors to be flooded. How long is this going to continue?”
The landlord shrugged. “How should I know? I’m not a weatherman!”
Joke #12978
Two kids were having a fist fight in the park when a cop broke up the battle. “What’s going on here?” the officer demanded.
Pointing at the little girl, the boy said, “She called me stupid.”
The policeman looked at the little girl. “That wasn’t very nice. Why don’t you tell him you’re sorry?”
Intimidated by the officer’s presence, the girl agree, “Okay,” she said to the boy, “I’m sorry you’re stupid.”
Joke #12977
Like the hamburger said at the monastery: “Out of the frying pan and into the friar.”
Joke #12976
Q: What does a traveling priest use on Sunday to get from parish to parish?
A: Mass transportation.