Category Archives: Prank IMs

1 to 1 pranks.

Prank IMs, Stupid IMs, Chat Logs

#10302: stimpyismyname -> PISSER1

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This entry is part 1 of 2 in the series PISSER1

stimpyismyname: WCW RULES

PISSER1: HELL yea

stimpyismyname: whos your favorite wrestler

PISSER1: dont have one

stimpyismyname: oh

stimpyismyname: how about dildos

PISSER1: lol

PISSER1: Howd u get this sn

stimpyismyname: the internet

PISSER1: righttttttttttt

stimpyismyname: haha….

stimpyismyname: jk

stimpyismyname: this is tom johnson

PISSER1: lol

PISSER1: Oh hi

stimpyismyname: u remember me?

PISSER1: i dono no tom johnson

stimpyismyname: oh

stimpyismyname: thats what i thought

stimpyismyname: eh…

stimpyismyname: i was on the news a whlie back…

PISSER1: eh..rofl

PISSER1: rightt

stimpyismyname: i dont really want to talk about that

stimpyismyname: kinda embarrasing looking back

PISSER1: oh, u were never on the news

stimpyismyname: yeah

stimpyismyname: cnn

PISSER1: we

stimpyismyname: excuse me/

PISSER1: whatever

stimpyismyname: ok

PISSER1: fine

stimpyismyname: pisser?

stimpyismyname: whats that mean

PISSER1: yes?

PISSER1: it has no meaning

stimpyismyname: oh

stimpyismyname: just sounds cool

stimpyismyname: rolls off your tounge and such

PISSER1: Right, im sure it does

stimpyismyname: no i was askin you

stimpyismyname: whatever

PISSER1: lol

stimpyismyname: know whats weird/

PISSER1: wha

stimpyismyname: large cups from burger king dont fit in cupholders

stimpyismyname: butx large ones do

PISSER1: thats interesting

stimpyismyname: yep

stimpyismyname: suuuuure is

PISSER1: lol

PISSER1: indeed

PISSER1: so howd u really get my sn

stimpyismyname: have you heard Liquid Tension Experiment?

stimpyismyname: they’re cool

PISSER1: nope

stimpyismyname: yeah well

stimpyismyname: i made a couple stupid games

stimpyismyname: theyre on my site

stimpyismyname: www.geocities.com/stinkybeefisgood

stimpyismyname: yep

stimpyismyname: 😉

PISSER1: O:-)

PISSER1: im afraid to click that

stimpyismyname: lol

stimpyismyname: ok

PISSER1: b.c my comp will freeze

stimpyismyname: its not about stinky beef or anything

PISSER1: lol i understand but still, better be safe

PISSER1: i dont want my comp to freeze

stimpyismyname: ok

stimpyismyname: havin fun ON LINE

PISSER1: U TOO

stimpyismyname: YEA

stimpyismyname: my god

PISSER1: what?

stimpyismyname: this is boring

stimpyismyname: lol

PISSER1: shit i know

stimpyismyname: what are you doin

stimpyismyname: just aim?

PISSER1: well im on aol too, but i cant im ppl with that b.c i have a virus

stimpyismyname: lol

PISSER1: lol shut up

stimpyismyname: u cant restart or anything/

PISSER1: well if i do restart, im still going to have the virus!

stimpyismyname: aaah

stimpyismyname: well that sux

PISSER1: YES

stimpyismyname: does it only affect aol?

PISSER1: i miss aol

PISSER1: yea

PISSER1: thats why im on aim

stimpyismyname: heh

PISSER1: YEPPPPPPPPPPPPP, so what u doing

stimpyismyname: watchin land before time 7

stimpyismyname: lol

stimpyismyname: my friend has the tv on

PISSER1: ROFL OMG

stimpyismyname: its so freakin gay

PISSER1: and ur friend is watching that?

stimpyismyname: yeah

stimpyismyname: hes an idiot

PISSER1: thats the one with the dinosaurs?

stimpyismyname: yeah

PISSER1: I watched the first one that came out. thats bout it.

stimpyismyname: yeah

stimpyismyname: i think i saw one

stimpyismyname: i dont really remember what happened

PISSER1: me either

PISSER1: brb…ice cream time.

stimpyismyname: yeah

stimpyismyname: im gonna get somethin

PISSER1: backk

stimpyismyname: ok

stimpyismyname: hi

PISSER1: hey

stimpyismyname: so…

stimpyismyname: hows the ice cream

PISSER1: goood

stimpyismyname: nice

PISSER1: whats going on

stimpyismyname: nuthin

stimpyismyname: whyd u get warned

PISSER1: some boy warned me

PISSER1: dono

PISSER1: i got him back

stimpyismyname: ok

PISSER1: hows the movie goin

stimpyismyname: i dont know whats happening

PISSER1: lol

stimpyismyname: theyre goin to some rock

PISSER1: haha kool

stimpyismyname: boy

stimpyismyname: this is gret

PISSER1: boy

PISSER1: LOL

PISSER1: welllll….hmmmmmmm…….i finished my ice cream

stimpyismyname: took you a while

PISSER1: big cup

stimpyismyname: really big

stimpyismyname: and a small spoon

PISSER1: rofl

PISSER1: no

PISSER1: it was a regular spoo

PISSER1: n

PISSER1: spoon

stimpyismyname: oh

stimpyismyname: well then

PISSER1: what

stimpyismyname: i dunnnno

stimpyismyname: my bros gonna talk to u

stimpyismyname: cuz i g2g go

stimpyismyname: bye

PISSER1: byee

Prank IMs, Stupid IMs, Chat Logs

#10301: davepoobond -> Malerie2003

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davepoobond: hey

Malerie2003: hey

davepoobond: whats your rating

Malerie2003: ummm wut

Malerie2003: i have no ratine

Malerie2003: rating

davepoobond: GET WITH IT MAN

Malerie2003: i jsut got in the room

Malerie2003: chill lol

Malerie2003: and im a chic thank u

Malerie2003: lol

Malerie2003: wuts ur rating??

davepoobond: 56

davepoobond: ::fart::

davepoobond: excuse me::

Malerie2003: lmao

Malerie2003: mmmmkay

Malerie2003: that was sick

davepoobond: yeah it was ::squirt::

Malerie2003: so ummm is 56 good

Malerie2003: or wut

davepoobond: yeah, especially when its out of 10

Malerie2003: yea mmmkay

Malerie2003: so lets see ur pic then

davepoobond: <^>

davepoobond: I GAVE YOU THE FINGER

davepoobond: HOW DO YOU LIKE THAAAAAATTTTTT

Malerie2003: ummmm mmmkay

Malerie2003: i would say that u received a -56

Malerie2003: below 1

Malerie2003: 0

Malerie2003: cuz u suck

Malerie2003: haha

davepoobond: -56 is below 0?

davepoobond: wow……

davepoobond: that’s…………….

Malerie2003: yess it is

davepoobond: almost……….unbelieve

Malerie2003: duhh

davepoobond: able

Malerie2003: wut grade r u in

Malerie2003: 2nd

davepoobond: uhh 1st…

Malerie2003: ooook

Malerie2003: wutever

Malerie2003: u act it

Malerie2003: loser!

davepoobond: my mom said i can play on the computer for 10 minutes

davepoobond: so I downloaded aim, and got this screen name

davepoobond: hello

davepoobond: malerie

Malerie2003: wut

davepoobond: are you there

Malerie2003: umm yes

Malerie2003: i was ignoring u

davepoobond: helllooo? i cant see what yer saying, cuz i have you on ignore

Malerie2003: mmmkay

davepoobond: oh i saw that

davepoobond: how’d you do that

Malerie2003: got me

Malerie2003: i dont know

davepoobond: :'(

Prank IMs, Stupid IMs, Chat Logs

#10299: stimpyismyname -> lita / davepoobond -> lita

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stimpyismyname: helllllo

lita: hi

stimpyismyname: whats happenin

lita: nmu??

stimpyismyname: same…

lita: kool

stimpyismyname: havin fun online/

stimpyismyname: mmm hmmm

lita: 🙂

stimpyismyname: :-!

lita: lol

stimpyismyname: ok

lita: so…

stimpyismyname: you like…. stuff?

lita: yea

stimpyismyname: hah

stimpyismyname: cool

stimpyismyname: u like dildos

stimpyismyname: aha

stimpyismyname: ha…

stimpyismyname: im BORED

lita: me 2

stimpyismyname: so

stimpyismyname: do you?

lita: do i wat

stimpyismyname: like didlos

stimpyismyname: bye

stimpyismyname: heres my bro

lita: bye

lita: ok

lita: …

–

davepoobond gets on the computer.

–

davepoobond: i like dildos

davepoobond: i’m david johnson, just to tell you

lita: o

davepoobond: do you like dildos

Prank IMs, Stupid IMs, Chat Logs

#10290: davepoobond -> GilbertsGurl

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davepoobond: hi

GilbertsGurl: asl

GilbertsGurl: hi

davepoobond: 16/m

davepoobond: how about you/

GilbertsGurl: from where

davepoobond: i dont feel comfterble revealing that information. sorry

GilbertsGurl: give me a clue

GilbertsGurl: ok

davepoobond: ok

GilbertsGurl: ok

GilbertsGurl: give me a clue

davepoobond: uhhhhh

davepoobond: no?

GilbertsGurl: pic

davepoobond: why dont you tell me something about yourself first

GilbertsGurl: like what

davepoobond: asl

GilbertsGurl: 13/f/wi

davepoobond: mmmkay

GilbertsGurl: any questions

davepoobond: hows wiyoming/

davepoobond: wyoming

GilbertsGurl: i am live in wisconsin

davepoobond: oooooh

davepoobond: sorry

GilbertsGurl: ok

davepoobond: tom johnson doesnt live in usa

GilbertsGurl: who is that

davepoobond: oh

davepoobond: thats me

davepoobond: sorry

davepoobond: i live in mexico

GilbertsGurl: ok

GilbertsGurl: kool

GilbertsGurl: any more questions

davepoobond: u ever been to mexico?

GilbertsGurl: no

davepoobond: oh

davepoobond: you should go sometime

davepoobond: if you go to a resort, ask for tom johnson

davepoobond: i’ll get you a good deal

davepoobond: a punta pescadero resort that is

davepoobond: not just any reort

davepoobond: hah

GilbertsGurl: iwho is that person

davepoobond: …erm…. who?

GilbertsGurl: who is tom johnson

davepoobond: me

GilbertsGurl: ok

GilbertsGurl: sorry

davepoobond: youre forgiven

GilbertsGurl: hi

davepoobond: …hi

GilbertsGurl: sorry me bad:-(

davepoobond: mmkay

GilbertsGurl: have a girl friend

davepoobond: nope

davepoobond: will you be my girl froiend

GilbertsGurl: ok

GilbertsGurl: want my name

davepoobond: sure

GilbertsGurl: Amy

davepoobond: wow

davepoobond: that got me wet

GilbertsGurl: hy

GilbertsGurl: why

davepoobond: oh

davepoobond: no reason

GilbertsGurl: sorry me bad

davepoobond: i was messin

GilbertsGurl: ok

GilbertsGurl: have a bro

davepoobond: …..?

GilbertsGurl: have a brother yes

davepoobond: do i have one?

davepoobond: yes

GilbertsGurl: ok

GilbertsGurl: age

davepoobond: i already told you

davepoobond: oooooh

davepoobond: my brother

davepoobond: 15

GilbertsGurl: name plz

davepoobond: david johnson

GilbertsGurl: hair

GilbertsGurl: is he in the room

davepoobond: yep

GilbertsGurl: does he have any questions

davepoobond: no

davepoobond: he hates girls

davepoobond: hes gay

davepoobond: here he is

GilbertsGurl: so hat

GilbertsGurl: sorry me bad 🙁

GilbertsGurl: so what

davepoobond: hey u stupid girl

davepoobond: this david johnson

GilbertsGurl: i am not stupid boy

davepoobond: ya ur a stupid girl

GilbertsGurl: no boys are stupid

davepoobond: i dont care about that. all i know is that girls are dumb and stupid and i hate them

GilbertsGurl: so i like boys have a boy friend

davepoobond: really.

davepoobond: what’s your boyfriend like

GilbertsGurl: he is not my boyfriend yet

davepoobond: really. interesting.

davepoobond: then what is he

GilbertsGurl: do u have a boyfriend

davepoobond: no, i’m not gay

GilbertsGurl: you are you then

davepoobond: wut are you talking about

GilbertsGurl: who am i talking to

davepoobond: david johnson

GilbertsGurl: your brother said u are

davepoobond: said i was

davepoobond: what

GilbertsGurl: gay

davepoobond: …

davepoobond: i’m not

davepoobond: he is

GilbertsGurl: ok

GilbertsGurl: sorry

GilbertsGurl: pic

davepoobond: no

davepoobond: i have one of your mom though

davepoobond: <^>

GilbertsGurl: no way

davepoobond: yes way

davepoobond: that was it

davepoobond: <^>

GilbertsGurl: wired

davepoobond: yes i am wired

GilbertsGurl: ok

davepoobond: ok

davepoobond: i think its time that you go

davepoobond: like sign off

davepoobond: so…….do so

GilbertsGurl: no way david what color is your hair and eyes

davepoobond: blue, and white

GilbertsGurl: hair color

davepoobond: blue

davepoobond: eye color = white

GilbertsGurl: nice kool

GilbertsGurl: in school

davepoobond: no. i dropped out in the 4th grade

davepoobond: i taught myself, while doing drugs, by watching barney

davepoobond: and PBS television

davepoobond: then came BBC

davepoobond: because i moved to Britain

davepoobond: and then BBC France

davepoobond: BBC Malaysia

davepoobond: BBC America

davepoobond: BBC Canada

davepoobond: that damn BBC is all over the place aint it

GilbertsGurl: ok

GilbertsGurl: no

davepoobond: ok yes

GilbertsGurl: nice life

GilbertsGurl: have a girlfriend david

davepoobond: of course

davepoobond: her name is Ashley and she has huge tits

davepoobond: bigger than my head

davepoobond: but of course i’ve got a massive dong to keep her happy

GilbertsGurl: ok

davepoobond: its like 8===========================================================> this big

GilbertsGurl: put tom on plz

davepoobond: ok. NO

davepoobond: tom is humping the mattress

GilbertsGurl: lol

GilbertsGurl: i g2g ok tom and david

davepoobond: tom aint here

davepoobond: i told u he’s in bed

davepoobond: humping the living crap outta it

GilbertsGurl: ok

GilbertsGurl: i g2g

davepoobond: k bye

davepoobond: leave already

GilbertsGurl: talk later

davepoobond: ooooookkkkkkkkkkkkkk

GilbertsGurl: ok bye bye

Stupid IMs, Chat Logs, Prank IMs

#10289: davepoobond -> FigNewtonCK

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davepoobond: hey

FigNewtonCK: hey

FigNewtonCK: who are you?

davepoobond: a whore

davepoobond: who are you

FigNewtonCK: same

davepoobond: ohh so you’re a whore too

FigNewtonCK: where you from “whore”

davepoobond: i dont understand the question

FigNewtonCK: where do you live

davepoobond: uhh what?

davepoobond: hold on, lemme stop snorting crack

davepoobond: ok, what was the question again

FigNewtonCK: pull that dick out of your ass while your at it

FigNewtonCK: where you from

davepoobond: uhh…………i still can’t register it

davepoobond: let me take the needle out of my arm

davepoobond: ok now i know what you’re saying

davepoobond: yes, i do like to swim

FigNewtonCK: wow thats nice

davepoobond: i like to fart

davepoobond: cuz i get anal a lot

FigNewtonCK: hey are you a guy or girl

davepoobond: guy

FigNewtonCK: cuz i’m really fuckin horny right now and if your a guy i’m really in the mood so stop your fucking crack shit

davepoobond: right ok bye

FigNewtonCK: bye baby

FigNewtonCK: cant handle me bitch

FigNewtonCK: haha

davepoobond: sure i can

davepoobond: wanna screw me

FigNewtonCK: i have high standards

davepoobond: what, 2 dollar whores?

FigNewtonCK: how old are you

davepoobond: 24

FigNewtonCK: 87… right i’m blonde

davepoobond: left i am too

FigNewtonCK: well i gotta better people to talk to

FigNewtonCK: later

Prank IMs, Stupid IMs, Chat Logs

#10270: J-Dogg -> QT-Pie

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This entry is part 13 of 13 in the series The Saga of Bloodninja

J-Dogg: Hey

QT-Pie: Hey

J-Dogg: whats goin on

QT-Pie: Nothing. Who are you?

J-Dogg: Jdogg. Wanna cyber?

QT-Pie: what does that mean?

J-Dogg: what are you wearing?

QT-Pie: T-shirt. Jeans.

J-Dogg: Garter belt?

QT-Pie: Ummm…no.

J-Dogg: Are we gonna cyber or not?

QT-Pie: uh, okay.

J-Dogg: Sweet, I start by rubbing your ass all around. You love this.

J-Dogg: You’re wet already. I can smell your pussy stink from here.

QT-Pie: WHAT?!

J-Dogg: I execute standing position 12 from the Kama Sutra. Passion fills the room. Your head is close to the ceiling fan.

J-Dogg: You leave everything to Jdogg.

J-Dogg: I am completely inside of you. You are my dick puppet. I put on a little play.

QT-Pie: This is weird. I should go.

J-Dogg: I drop you on the ground, and lay a stripe down your back.

QT-Pie: A stripe?

J-Dogg: I need a sandwich.

QT-Pie: You’re a freak.

J-Dogg: I was great. You loved it.

Prank IMs, Stupid IMs, Chat Logs

#10269: J-Dogg -> Partner8

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This entry is part 12 of 13 in the series The Saga of Bloodninja

J-Dogg: I see you in line at the supermarket. Our eyes meet.

Partner8: Who the fuck are you?

J-Dogg: I mouth the words to you, as if in slow motion:

J-Dogg: Fuck me, Fuck me.

J-Dogg: My wishes are like poetry in your eyes. We want this moment to last forever.

Partner8: OMFG are you trying to cyber me?

J-Dogg: We are like two dancers, for whom the music never stops. I Kiss the top of your hand. You are taken aback by the bulge that forms in your thigh.

Partner8: Is that like cancer?

J-Dogg: If cancer is our love, then I hope you don’t have the technology of chemotherapy.

Partner8: Good one romeo.

J-Dogg: You grab the bulge that you feel. you tihink it must be taking over your mind, theres nothing else you can think of. My tubesteak to you is like a beautiful japanese haiku.

The salmon swim at night.

Towards your room.

The snow and the moon.

Partner8: that was never a haiku.

J-Dogg: To your light bulb I am the Thomas Edison of your sex. Withought my light you would be lost in a sea of darkness.

Partner8: That made even less sense than your “haiku”

J-Dogg: So you ready to fuck then?

Partner8: You unbutton my pants, spew your load at the sight of my underwear, and your spent.

J-Dogg: …

Partner8: ?

J-Dogg: I’m spent.

Prank IMs, Stupid IMs, Chat Logs

#10268: Partner6 -> J-Dogg

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This entry is part 11 of 13 in the series The Saga of Bloodninja

Partner6: So you’re really a 18 yr old girl right?

J-Dogg: Yeah, J for Julie.

Partner6: So whats with the “Dogg”

J-Dogg: Uh, It’s cause I’m into the latina gangs and shit. You know, rollin with tha homies and shit.

Partner6: Oh, uh ok thats cool. So you ever seen a gun?

J-Dogg: Yeah like I got 6 guns.

Partner6: Thats cool, so you wanna see my gun?

J-Dogg: hehe, of course baby.

Partner6: I pull off my pants and show you my “gun”.

J-Dogg: Ohh, it’s so big.

Partner6: Yeah, what you want to do?

J-Dogg: Umm, i guess stroke it or something.

Partner6: It likes that.

J-Dogg: aight.

Partner6: Keep talking to me baby…

J-Dogg: I kiss you on the mouth, hard, but then gently.

Partner6: Mmmm, daddy like.

J-Dogg: I unzip my pants…

Partner6: Yes, show me what you got.

J-Dogg: I pull out my schlong, and rub it on your breasts…

Partner6: WTF?!

J-Dogg: Oh shit, I meant, your schlong! your schlong!

Partner6: I’ve had it with you queers trying to cyber me, I only fuck women…

J-Dogg: Shit just don’t shoot me man, I wasn’t serious about the guns I have, I’m unarmed!

Partner6: You dipshit.

J-Dogg: I whimper to myself…

J-Dogg: please don’t shoot me Mr.

Prank IMs, Stupid IMs, Chat Logs

#10267: I.F. -> 1hOttYeVe

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This entry is part 10 of 13 in the series The Saga of Bloodninja

I.F.: My shit is hard you ready to jump aboard?

1hOttYeVe: oh yhea im so wet right now

I.F.: Why you just shower?

1hOttYeVe: no im wet for you

I.F.: Did you ever play with supersoakers when you were a kid? or that gator shit you would dive and slide down, there was that badass pool at the end of it.

1hOttYeVe: What the fuck are you talking about? You wanna cyber or not?

I.F.: I do! Sorry…I just didnt know why you were wet…then you say your wet for me, and im thinking I didnt even throw water on you…

I.F.: Im sorry lets continue!

1hOttYeVe: alright then…I walk over to you and start kissing your neck and chest

I.F.: I pop like 16 boners

1hOttYeVe: what the fuck!

I.F.: what?

Prank IMs, Stupid IMs, Chat Logs

#10266: I.F. -> SexyKarla17

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This entry is part 9 of 13 in the series The Saga of Bloodninja

I.F.: You ready yet? Im bearing to go!

SexyKarla17: Yhea im slipping out of my clothes right now, what do you look like?

I.F.: a Kodiac bear

SexyKarla17: ?

I.F.: Im soft naked, fuzzy and waiting for you to come mount me

SexyKarla17: Oh I love cute fuzzy bears, I walk up and get on top of you stroking your soft hair, kissing you gently as my move my way down your stomach

I.F.: I growl to warm you my cubs are near

SexyKarla17: huh?

I.F.: Bears get fuckin pumped when anyone is near their cubs

SexyKarla17: yhea hehe dont be silly..

SexyKarla17: I love how you growl as I continue to kiss you, while taking off your pants.

I.F.: Bears dont wear pants and you should cover yourself in Honey now

SexyKarla17: hehe you would love to lick that off me huh. I pour honey all over my warm wet body waiting for you to start licking it off me slowly

I.F.: I sniff the air to see where the sweet scent of the honey is coming from, while slowly snorting and walking towards you

I.F.: I Growl again, and start to bite you

SexyKarla17: Yhea that feels good..ooooo…not too hard now

I.F.: I bite harder peeling flesh from your stomach, and look up into your eyes to show you my mouth dripping with your warm blood mixed with honey, I then I let my cubs rip apart your limbs and play with you like a ragdoll.

SexyKarla17: what the fuck?

I.F.: uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh and im spent.

Prank IMs, Stupid IMs, Chat Logs

#10265: Wellhung -> Sweetheart

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This entry is part 8 of 13 in the series The Saga of Bloodninja

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I’m toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I’m 6’3″ and about 280 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I’m also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner…it smells funny.

Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK

Sweetheart: We’re in my bedroom.There’s soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I’m looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I’m gulping, I’m beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I’m pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now I’m unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I’m moaning softly.

Wellhung: I’m taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart: I’m throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I’m rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I’m sorry.

Sweetheart: That’s OK, it wasn’t really too expensive.

Wellhung: I’ll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don’t worry about it.I’m wearing a lacy black bra.My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.

Wellhung: I’m fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it’s stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I’m reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I’m picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I’m arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung: I’m dropping the bra. Now I’m licking your, you know, breasts. They’re neat!

Sweetheart: I’m running my fingers through your hair. Now I’m nibbling your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I’m so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I’m wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung: I’m taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.

Sweetheart: OK. I’m pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.

Wellhung: I’m screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetheart: I’m pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung: I’m pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you…umm… wait a minute.

Sweetheart: What’s the matter?

Wellhung: I’ve got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I’m choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I’m having a coughing fit. I’m turning all red.

Sweetheart: Can I help?

Wellhung: I’m running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I’m fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Wellhung: I’m drinking a cup of water. There, that’s better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung: I’m washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I’m on the bed arching for you.

Wellhung: I’m drying the cup. Now I’m putting it back in the cabinet. And now I’m walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it’s dark, I’m lost. Where’s the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I’m tuggin’ off your pants. I’m moaning. I want you so badly.

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart: Why don’t you take off your glasses?

Wellhung: OK, but I can’t see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart: I’m bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I’m fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it’s dark. I’m feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I’m waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I’m done going. I’m feeling around for the flush handle, but I can’t find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What’s the matter now?

Wellhung: I’ve realized that I’ve peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I’m walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: OK, now I’m going to put my…you know …thing…in your…you know…woman’s thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I’m touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I’m having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart: I’m moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can’t stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!

Wellhung: I’m flaccid.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I’m limp. I can’t sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I’m standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung: I’m shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I’m going to get my glasses and see what’s wrong.

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I’m getting dressed. I’m putting on my underwear. Now I’m putting on my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait! Now I’m squinting, trying to find the night table. I’m feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I’m buttoning my blouse. Now I’m putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: I’ve found my glasses. I’m putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I’m pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell. I’m logging off, you loser!

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

Prank IMs, Stupid IMs, Chat Logs

#10264: sweet17 -> Bloodninja

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This entry is part 7 of 13 in the series The Saga of Bloodninja

sweet17: Hi

Bloodninja: hello

Bloodninja: who is this?

sweet17: just a someone?

Bloodninja: A someone I know?

sweet17: nope

Bloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me?

sweet17: well sorrrrrry

sweet17: I just wanted to chat with you

Bloodninja: why?

sweet17: nevermind your an jerk

Bloodninja: Hey wait a minute

sweet17: yes?

Bloodninja: look I’m sorry. I’m just a little paranoid

sweet17: paranoid?

Bloodninja: yes

sweet17: of what?

sweet17: me?

Bloodninja: No. I’m in hiding.

sweet17: LOL

Bloodninja: Don’t fucking laugh at me!

Bloodninja: This shit is serious!

sweet17: What are you hiding from?

Bloodninja: The cops.

sweet17: gimme a fucking break

Bloodninja: I’m serious.

sweet17: I don’t get it

Bloodninja: The cops are after me.

sweet17: For what?

Bloodninja: I’m wanted in three states

sweet17: For???

Bloodninja: It’s kind of embarrasing.

Bloodninja: I had sex with a turkey.

Bloodninja: Hello?

sweet17: You are fucking sick.

Bloodninja: Send me your picture.

sweet17: why?

Bloodninja: so I know you aren’t one of them.

sweet17: One of what?

Bloodninja: The cops.

sweet17: I’m not a cop i told you

Bloodninja: Then send me your picture.

sweet17: hold on

Bloodninja: Hurry up.

Bloodninja: Are you there?

Bloodninja: Fuck you, cop!

sweet17: Hey sorry

sweet17: I had to do something for my mom.

Bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.

Bloodninja: When really you were notifying the authorities.

Bloodninja: Weren’t you!?

sweet17: thats not it

Bloodninja: Then what?

sweet17: I don’t want to send you the picture cause I’m not pretty

Bloodninja: Most cops aren’t

sweet17: IM NOT A FUCKING COP YOU ASSHOLE!

Bloodninja: Then send me the picture.

sweet17: fine. What’s your e-mail?

Bloodninja: Just send it through here.

sweet17: alright *PIC*

sweet17: Did you get it?

Bloodninja: Hold on. I’m looking.

sweet17: That was me back in may

sweet17: I’ve lost weight since then.

Bloodninja: I hope so

sweet17: what?!?

sweet17: that hurt my feelings.

Bloodninja: Did it?

sweet17: Yes. I’m not that much smaller than that now.

Bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?

sweet17: yes

Bloodninja: Alright let me find it.

sweet17: kks

Bloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC*

sweet17: this isn’t you.

Bloodninja: I’ll be damned if it ain’t!

sweet17: You don’t look like that.

Bloodninja: How the hell do you know?

sweet17: cause your profile has another picture.

Bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake.

Bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops.

sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol

Bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy….

Bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.

sweet17: Go fuck yourself

Bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture

Bloodninja: Now my unit won’t get hard for a week.

sweet17: I shouldn’t have sent you that picture.

sweet17: You’ve done nothing but slam me.

sweet17: you hurt me.

Bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn’t hurt me?

sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me!

Bloodninja: Why would I do that?

sweet17: I can’t believe that cops are after you

Bloodninja: I can’t believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..

sweet17: FUCK YOU!!!

Bloodninja: You’d break both of his legs.

sweet17: You’re a FUCKING ASSHOLE!

sweet17: I’ve been teased my whole life because of my weight

sweet17: and you make fun of me when you don’t even know me

Bloodninja: Ok. I’m sorry.

sweet17: No you aren’t

Bloodninja: You’re right. I’m not.

Bloodninja: HAARRRRR!

sweet17: I’m done with you

Bloodninja: Aww. I’m sorry.

sweet17: I’m putting you on ignore

Bloodninja: Wait a sec

Bloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot.

Bloodninja: Wanna start over?

sweet17: No

Bloodninja: I’ll eat your kitty

sweet17: You’ll what?

Bloodninja: You heard me.

Bloodninja: I said I’d eat your kitty.

sweet17: I thought you said you couldn’t get it hard after seeing my picture

Bloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?

sweet17: I’d like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes

Bloodninja: Well I’m not like most men.

Bloodninja: I get excited in different ways.

sweet17: Like what?

Bloodninja: Do you really wanna know?

sweet17: I don’t know

Bloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no.

sweet17: I’m afraid to

Bloodninja: Why?

sweet17: cause

Bloodninja: cause why?

sweet17: well lets see

sweet17: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out

sweet17: doesn’t that seem strange to you?

Bloodninja: Nope

sweet17: well its strange to me

Bloodninja: Fine. I won’t do it if you don’t want me to

sweet17: I didn’t say that

Bloodninja: So is that a yes?

sweet17: I guess so.

Bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.

Bloodninja: Are you willing?

sweet17: What do you need me to do?

Bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.

sweet17: ???

Bloodninja: When I start to go limp… you say “HARRRR!!!”

Bloodninja: ok?

Bloodninja: Hello?

sweet17: You can’t be serious

Bloodninja: Oh yes I am!

Bloodninja: It’s my fantasy.

sweet17: this is retarded

Bloodninja: Do you want it or not?

sweet17: Yes I want it.

Bloodninja: Then you’ll do it for me?

sweet17: sure

Bloodninja: Ok. Here we go.

Bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.

Bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them

Bloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.

Bloodninja: I run my tounge up and down your smooth cunt.

sweet17: mmmm yeah

Bloodninja: uh oh …going limp.

sweet17: Har

Bloodninja: You gotta do better than that!

Bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.

sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRR

Bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every stroke.

Bloodninja: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.

Bloodninja: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.

Bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.

sweet17: mmmmmm you are good

Bloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I suckharder

Bloodninja: going limp

sweet17: HARRRRRRR

Bloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.

Bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth.

Bloodninja: going limp

sweet17: this is stupid

Bloodninja: …still limp

Bloodninja: Do it!

sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR

Bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your asshole.

Bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.

Bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.

sweet17: WTF?!?!?

Bloodninja: They stink really bad.

sweet17: OMG STOP!!!

Bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass

Bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.

Bloodninja: I ram it up your ass.

sweet17: YOURE A FUCKING PYSCHO!!

Bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.

Bloodninja: And turn you into a fucking candy apple…

Bloodninja: I kick you in the face!

sweet17: FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!!

Bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin…

Bloodninja: Your parrot flys away.

Bloodninja: …going limp again.

Bloodninja: Hello?

Bloodninja: Say it!

Bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

Chat Logs, Prank IMs, Stupid IMs

#10263: BritneySpears14 -> eminemBNJA

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This entry is part 6 of 13 in the series The Saga of Bloodninja

BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?

eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I’m ready.

BritneySpears14: I like your music Em… Tee hee.

eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.

BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.

BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.

eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.

BritneySpears14: What the fuck, I told you not to message me again.

eminemBNJA: Oh shit

BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I’m gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you fuck up.

eminemBNJA: Oh shit

eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

Prank IMs, Stupid IMs, Chat Logs

#10262: Bloodninja -> j_gurli13

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This entry is part 5 of 13 in the series The Saga of Bloodninja

Bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don’t know how long I can keep it ready for you.

j_gurli13: thats ok. ok i’m a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.

Bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.

j_gurli13: haha, ok lets go.

j_gurli13: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.

Bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.

j_gurli13: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.

j_gurli13: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.

Bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don’t wear shirts.

j_gurli13: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it’s just part of the game.

Bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don’t play games. They fucking charge your ass.

j_gurli13: stop, cmon be serious.

Bloodninja: It doesn’t get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.

Bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.

j_gurli13: thats it.

Bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.

Bloodninja: Fuck am I hard now.

Prank IMs, Stupid IMs, Chat Logs

#10261: Bloodninja -> BritneySpears14

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This entry is part 4 of 13 in the series The Saga of Bloodninja

Bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?

BritneySpears14: Aight.

Bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.

BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, Bloodninja.

Bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.

BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.

Bloodninja: Me too baby.

BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.

Bloodninja: I cast Lvl 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.

BritneySpears14: Hey…

Bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl 8 Penis of the Infinite.

BritneySpears14: Funny I still don’t see it.

Bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty of the Beyondness.

BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.

Bloodninja: Don’t fuck with me biznitch, I’m the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.

Bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl 2 Druid.

BritneySpears14: Don’t ever message me again you piece.

Bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.

Bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik’s evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.

Bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it’s getting hard now.

Bloodninja: Baby?