MOTHER: “If evolution really worked, I’d have more than one pair of hands.”
All posts by davepoobond
Joke #12789
BOSS: “Smith has a fractured skull. How did the accident happen?”
JONES: “Well, Smith said to me, ‘I’ll hold this spike and when I nod my head, hit it with the sledgehammer.”
Joke #12788
I have a friend who’s so rich, it’s disgusting! When his car runs out of gas, he throws it away and buys a new one.
Joke #12787
It’s time to start an exercise program when your old rival for your wife’s hand tells you how young and fit you look.
Joke #12786
Did you hear about the man who made sofa beds all day and slept on his job all night?
Joke #12785
I don’t favor a four-day work week. It doesn’t give me enough time to rest up for my weekends.
Joke #12784
MAN: “I got airsick again last week.”
WOMAN: “Oh, were you in an airplane?”
MAN: “No. In Los Angeles.”
Joke #12783
Did you hear about the two kids whose room was so dirty that their roaches moved to a better neighborhood?
Joke #12782
My boss is a strange guy. When he makes a donation to charity, he likes to remain anonymous. So he doesn’t sign the check.
Joke #12781
Used car salesmen never push their products because the people who buy them end up doing it for them.
Joke #12780
WIFE: “It’s outrageous that this tow truck driver is charging fifty dollars to tow us only two miles.”
HUSBAND: “Don’t worry, dear, he’s going to earn his pay. I have the brakes on.”
Joke #12779
Two businessmen met on a cruise and struck up a conversation. one said, “I took this trip with insurance money. I got ten thousand dollars for fire damage to my store.”
The other man replied, “What a coincidence! I’m here on insurance money too. I collected twenty thousand dollars for flood damage to my store.”
The first man eyed the other for a few minutes and then leaned over and whispered, “Say, how do you start a flood?”
Joke #12778
Q: How do you make a woman explode?
A: Try dropping one.
Joke #12777
Being an entomologist is hard work. It would drive me buggy!
Joke #12776
BOSS: “The other night I dreamed I was dead.”
EMPLOYEE: “What woke you up, the intense heat?”