Q: What makes the tower of Pisa lean?
A: It never eats!
All posts by davepoobond
Joke #12979
A tenant was complaining to his landlord. “My roof is leaking and the rain keeps coming through the broken window causing my floors to be flooded. How long is this going to continue?”
The landlord shrugged. “How should I know? I’m not a weatherman!”
Joke #12978
Two kids were having a fist fight in the park when a cop broke up the battle. “What’s going on here?” the officer demanded.
Pointing at the little girl, the boy said, “She called me stupid.”
The policeman looked at the little girl. “That wasn’t very nice. Why don’t you tell him you’re sorry?”
Intimidated by the officer’s presence, the girl agree, “Okay,” she said to the boy, “I’m sorry you’re stupid.”
Joke #12977
Like the hamburger said at the monastery: “Out of the frying pan and into the friar.”
Joke #12976
Q: What does a traveling priest use on Sunday to get from parish to parish?
A: Mass transportation.
Joke #12975
“Thank goodness Thomas Edison invented the light bulb.”
“Why?”
“If he didn’t, we’d be watching TV in the dark.”
Joke #12974
Q: What happens to dogs who chase cars?
A: They end up exhausted.
You Know It’s Freezing Outside When…
America just made it through another snowy winter. Last year record lows were established. It was cold, but it could get worse.
You know it’s freezing outside when…
– your water bed turns into an ice cap.
– your false teeth chatter and they’re not even in your mouth.
– you run outside sobbing and your tears freeze.
– conservationists find “Big Foot” frozen to death.
– city workers can’t get the snow plows started.
Joke #12971
Why is it that the easiest habits to break are the ones that are good for you?
Joke #12970
The trouble with dark horse candidates is you can’t find out about their track record until you’re saddled with them.
Joke #12969
The movie I just saw should have been rated RR instead of PG — for rotten and ridiculous!
Joke #12968
It seems like every celebrity is writing an expose these days. In the old days people used to kiss and tell. Now they kiss and sell… the book rights.
Joke #12967
I’m so afraid of water since I saw Jaws 2 that I won’t take a shower without a spear gun.
Joke #12966
Did you hear about the little termite who walked into the local bar and asked, “Where is the bar tender?”
Joke #12965
“My new movie was a bomb,” lamented the young actor.
“How do you know that?” asked his agent.
“I was in the theater at the premiere,” explained the actor, “and as soon as the audience saw the words, ‘The End,’ on the screen they applauded.”