Tag Archives: smoke

Quote #22774

“now what im looking for in a guy or my mr right :

A guy that will actually put in effort to know me and wanna get to know me and be interested in me someone who is ready to meet someone and is at a point in there life where they want to settle down and have something serious

Also a guy who will make time and put in effort to get to know me

A guy who was raised right and knows how to treat a women right

i like a guy who has a nice body and likes to work out and takes care of himself

someone who would have no problem being there for me being my rock and protecting me

i want a guy who will really be there for me thru thick and thin !!

a guy who doesn’t smoke sorry but i dont want a guy with a nasty habit and this means any kind of smokiing ,

a guy who has a car really come on if u dont sorry but i like guys that actually have themselves together u know

a guy that has a sweet side to them , fun guy someone who likes to text and cuddle

I want a guy who will actually listen to me when i talk

a guy Who will dry my tears for me and be there and hug me

a guy who will stand up for me and protect me

and a guy who will love me and only me i want to be the only one not one of them

Also a guy who would love to see me and hang out someone who actually wants to get to know me

THE NUMBER ONE THING I LOVE IS FOR A GUY TO BE ROMANTIC AND SURPRISE ME Lol

if u actually read it and think this is you then dont be shy and hesitate thank u bye”

– from a girl’s dating profile

Quote #22162

About Me:

“WELL MY NAME iS STEFANiE MANY OF MY FRiENDS CALL ME STEFFiEPOOH OR STEFFiE. iM iN LOVE WiTH ANYTHiNG THAT HAS 2 DO WiTH CUPCAKES. i HAVE WHAT i CONSiDER A NiCE BODY. i HAVE CURVES iN ALL THE RiGHT PLACES. iVE BEEN IN AND OUT OF THE DATiNG GAME FOR THE LAST 2 YEARS JUST GOT OUT OF A SERiOUS RELATiONSHiP. AT THE MOMMENT iM NOT LOOKiNG 2 JUMP iN2 A RELATiONSHiP BUT i DO WANNA JUST KiCK iT WiTH SOMEONE KOOL NO JUDGEMENTS AND MAYBE THEN iT CAN LEAD 2 MORE. i AM WORKiNG ON MYSELF. BEEN THRU ALOT LATELY. i LOVE 2 WORK OUT. iTS BECOMiNG A PART OF ME. i AM 420 FRiENDLY. PLEASE ONCE AGAiN iF U DONT AGREE WiTH PPL WHO SMOKE WEED THEN JUST KEEP MOViN ON CUZ NOT EVERYONE WHO SMOKES iS BAD OR A TROUBLEMAKER OR A LOSER. i LOVE 2 BE OUTDOORS. i LOVE 2 CUDDLE AND SPEND TiME WiTH FRiENDS AND FAMiLY. i LOVE ALL SORTS OF MUSiC EXCEPT SPANiSH…SORRY NOTHiNG PERSONAL JUST iSNT MY STYLE. DONT MiND iF YOU DO THO :] HONESTLY iM JUST TAKiNG TiME 2 FiND MYSELF AND GET MY LiFE TOGETHER. iVE GROWN UP ALOT AND iVE RELiZED WHATS iMPORTANT. WANNA KNOW MORE HIT ME UP…”

– from a girl’s dating profile

Anti-Barney the Dinosaur Song #22111

This seems more like a rap song than a parody song of the Barney theme song.

On top of Old Smokey all covered in blood,
I shot fucking Barney with a 94 stud.

I went to his funeral,
I went to his grave.

When the people threw flowers,
I chucked a grenade .

And 20 years later he came from the dead,
I got a bazooka and blew off his head.

I’d like to continue, its funny I know,
but I can’t continue, cause I gotta go to the little menz room.

DJ Deluxe

This story was started by Stussy4220, but finished by Holmes.

—————————————–

A long time ago in a land far, far away, there’s was little place called ‘Rappa’z D-lyte’ (pronounced rappas deelight). ‘Rappa’z D-lyte’ is a magical place where DJ’s, Pimps, Prostitutes, Dealers, and, of course, Rappaz live. Obviously, ‘Rappa’z D-lyte’ isn’t where all these people do their business, they go to New York to do that. Anyway, in ‘Rappa’z D-lyte’ there is a swell lil’ yungin named DJ DeLuXe. He’s only 13 years old, but that’s not young for someone in ‘Rappa’z D-lyte’. DJ DeLuXe is a struggling Disc Jockey. He can also freestyle sorta well. One day, DeLuXe decides to go to his DJ sesai for help in DJing because business hasn’t been going to well for our little hero.

So he hops on his moped and put-pudders away to Sesai’s Pagoda. About three hours later he finally makes it to Sensai’s

“Ahhh I’m finally here” says DeLuXe as he steps of his moped and puts the kickstand down. “Lets check to see what the Sensai has to sen-say!, ah-hahahahahahahaha, whooo, that was a good one!!” he says as he steps up the 400-step flight up to Sensai’s front door. Three hours later he makes it all the way to the top. “Ahh, made it” sighs DeLuXe. “Hey a note!” says DeLuXe as he walks up to the yellow Post-It Note “Hmm what’s it say?”

Gone for some yummy fried chicken, be back in 4 hours, 5 at the latest.

Peace,

§en§ai

“Four or five hours!?!?!?!?!” screams DeLuXe

DeLuXe, angered that Sensai left, starts cursing freestyle…..style. He curses for like an hour, freestylin these swears until he starts rhyming fuck and cheese. How do you rhyme fuck and cheese? I don’t know but DeLuXe did it…must be spanish or something….anyways after he’s done cursing, Sensai appears from the mist behind DeLuXe.

“Sensai…that was very magical…I laughed, I cried…you have reached your freestyle demon called rection.” says Sensai.

“erection?” questions the now giggling DeLuXe.

“No young one…you don’t know the difference between an erection and rection. Here is an erection.” Sensai pulls down his pants as DeLuXe’s eyes pop out. “That is an erection.” says Sensai. “a RECTION is located here.” Sensai pokes the area where DeLuXe’s penis is located. “It is behind the bladder and above the brain but below the rectum…You have to reach deep inside to reach your inner rection.”

DeLuXe pulls out a tickle-me elmo doll. “I now understand the truness and obscene injustice of the rection…”

Sensai says: “Come with me son…come with on my motor water bed as you will see the world as I have…you will see as many rections as I have” and then he mutters “and erections…” Sensai hops on the bed (he is still naked) and he ties the bed around DeLuXe’s butt cheeks and makes him pull the bed. The bed has no wheels or anything.

Sensai then says: “Only after you have seen your inner rection, you can comply onto this journey to rappaz stardome. You will see the many pimps, prostitutes, and playas I have…Only after—”

DeLuXe interrupts: “Why do I have to fuckin pull”

Sensai: “Don’t interrupt young rection illitereate student, silence has now befalled your mind, body, rection and erection” They travel as far as ‘Playa’z D-lyte’ (now know as hawaii) without saying a word to each other. Sensai, still naked, stares off into the sun, burning his iris in his eyes. Suddenly, after going 4 months without saying a word, DeLuXe finally speaks. “Sensai…why is a rection so important?”

Sensai: “Well, my sensai son, one must truly suck on the rection to get the true ideas of what it is. I have sucked on my rection plenty of times and extracted the juices of knowledge and expierience…infact my rection is truly dried out…”

DeLuXe, holding back from laughing: “How do you suck on your own erection?”

Sensai: “Silly boy…sucking a dick is just nasty…I’m talking about a RECTION! A RECTION GOD DAMNIT! Pull into the nearest KFC before my rection bursts with anger.” They pull into the nearest KFC only to realize that they are early, infact, very early because the KFC branch hasn’t even opened yet and won’t open for about 20 years. They decide to set up camp and party all night long with other rappaz and playaz that they pick up. They freestyle the night away. Thats when they meet Dlick Zuka, a rapper from the North-South side. He was the quiet type, smoked marijuana a lot and ate at KFC even though it hasn’t opened yet. They all decide to embark on there journey to find there rections. Sensai then hooks up the bed to Dlick Zucka’s butt cheeks, and lets DeLuXe ride on the bed with him, naked and admiring there rections. They stop by the nearest 2dolla whore store and pick up a bunch of bitches.

DeLuXe, excited by picking up the bitches, then says: “we are gonna get laid tonight!” Unfortunatley the whores didn’t appreciate that and kicked DeLuXe’s ass and Sensai’s ass and they both got fucked by Dlick Zuka. Deciding they were fucked (well not really), they decide to embark on there journey with out Dlick. They ride for days on there waterbed, viewing the worlds great treasures. After being gone for 90 years, they come home to ‘Rappa’z D-lyte’. Unfortunatley the place has completely changed and it turned into a dork hangout called “Harvard.” They decide they’ll live in cardboard boxes outside the place.

One night, after a freezing day, DeLuXe asks his master: “Ok I thought I was going to be the best damn DJ on this side of the planet after I found my rection…”

Sensai sepnds 5 hours in deep thought then, finally, he answers the question: “No, bitch, dishwasher” He kicks DeLuXe out of the box and DeLuXe was forced to wander the streets. He heads to a bar and they ask him to freestyle on stage, he does and becomes popular in exactly 12 minutes. Yeah, it’s a world record. You don’t believe me? Read a dictionary…ok maybe it isn’t but whatever. He’s more popular then you. Anyways, Sensai never dies and is still that homeless bum outside of harvard talking about erections/rections and eating KFC chicken on his crappy waterbed. DeLuXe became king of the world and freestyle while he was trying to make world peace but he rhymed fuck and cheese and no one liked that so the world got into a terrible fight and everyone died except the person writing this story. Dlick Zuka was the gayest guy in this story so who cares. And they all lived happily ever after.

Percy’s Day Out – The Prequel to Sniper Problems…

“Oh boy oh boy!” Percy was excited. Today he would be deemed Burger Castle’s Mascot of the month! He glued a wood block to each bare foot and clomped out the door. Since he was payed less than minimum wage, he couldn’t afford shoes. Or a house for that matter. He just lived by a trash can in an alley way near a place called Elm Street.

It wasn’t the award he was excited about. He’s seen it before. You can’t pawn it off for more than 20 cents. But the big thing was the 300% raise you get when you become mascot of the month. That was an increase of 5 dollars! Almost 5 anyway…but that’s not the point. With that kind of money, he could rent some space in a sewer out, without a bathroom.

But that’s besides the point. He knew he had been doing a good job. He did have a Masters Degree in being a mascot. All those ballet classes take a lot out of you…

He hid behind a parked car waiting to find a car he could ride on to Burger Castle. It was pretty hard since it was New York, and pretty much everyone that saw him on their car, punched him off and drove off.

Just then, a blue Cadillac appeared and Percy jumped on top of it. He almost slipped off but grabbed onto the bumper. Luckily the trunk was open, so he got in.

When he saw he was near Burger Castle through the keyhole, he jumped out of the car. Luckily, they weren’t on the freeway, like a few times before.

He clomped down Castle Street toward Burger Castle. When he got there, a baseball hit him in the head. That wasn’t enough to knock down the month’s best mascot! But 253 other baseballs shot at the same time, was. It was a trap! I knew it all the time, of course.

Percy went into a dream…and it was something like this:

“All ABOARD!” said the post office man as he got onto a giant giraffe. “oh no! I’m gonna miss my plane!” said Percy. Percy had a very important meeting with the Scottish Windbag Company about the next shipment of kazoos.

Kazoos were vital to people with the rare disease, “Iwantakazoonowium.” Kazoos were made in China then sent to Denmark for testing and then sent to Scotland. Really nice kazoos came from Japan. Those were sparkly.

Percy hopped onto the girraffe after giving the post man a paper towel, which was the ticket, that had: I am a very important antelope” written on it.

After a couple minutes, the giraffe lifted off the ground and flew into the sky. They kept climbing until they got to Scotland. In this world, Scotland was 500 miles off the ground, floating in the air.

The highest country in the world is Jamaica, since everyone smokes pot there, but that’s besides the point…

When he got off the giraffe, he saluted to the post office man and called for a taxi. Taxies in Scotland are actually anteaters, they clean the streets. Percy hopped on one of them and trudged down to the Scotland Windbag Company’s main building.

They made all type of things at the Scotland Windbag Company, but their most popular products were Whuppi Cushions, kazoos, and Wind Chimes that burp.

When he got off the anteater, he ran down to the building and rang the doorbell. “Who is it!??” the intercom said. “Its me! Percy, from the United Iwantakazoonowium getter-ridders!” The intercom replied, “Oi! We’ve been expectin’ ya, laddy, come right een!” The door opened, but instead of walking into a floor, he slid down on a big slide into a dungeon!

It was a trap! But I knew it all along, of course, of course. “NOOOOOOO” Percy yelled. Percy yelled and yelled and yelled until his lungs blew up! Not because of the fact that he was in a dungeon, but because of the fact theres a big fat guy in leather and a mask on his head, with a whip, walking around a guy that was tied up with nothing but one leather strap! All of a sudden he felt a slap across his face, and he woke up from his terrible nightmare.

You may think Percy was all good now, but you shoulda seen the first person he saw when he looked up! It was Joan Rivers! THAT HORRIBLE BITCH! That did it for Percy, he got knocked out again…

(see what happens in Sniper Problems…)

Kurt Cobain’s Magic Talking 8-Ball

Q: Kurt Will I ever Over-dose in the future?

A: No you’ll end up just like me

——-

Q: Kurt Will I ever get a girlfriend?

A: The future is fuzzy from the hangover

——-

Q: Kurt Will you ever come back?

A: No I like it in Hell

——-

Q: Kurt Is your wife HOT?

A: Now how am I SUPPOSE TO KNOW?

——-

Q: Kurt did you kill your self?

A: The chances are High, just like me

——-

Q: Kurt did you smoke weed a lot?

A: HAHAHAHAHA he said Weed HAHAHAHA

——-

Q: Kurt are you gay or what?

A: Hey it’s HARD to find a women in hell…

——-

Q: Kurt, Yes or No?

A: Or

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Q: Kurt do you have cocaine I can have?

A: Ask Tommorow (and bring cash)

——-

Q: Kurt can I marry your wife?

A: Hey kid: Nice Ass ::wink wink::

——-

Q: Kurt is it true your in an 8 ball?

A: Hey i chose to come in here, I just like being in balls…

——-

Q: Kurt, will I ever find a GOOD girlfriend?

A: You just found a new boyfriend

——-

Q: Kurt, do I look sexy or what?

A: I like every bone in your body, especially mine ((eww sick))

Q: Kurt do you miss your Nirvana band?

A: Yeah I haven’t done Stereroids in a while, wait what was the question?