“I love reading, i’m a big book worm. lol i used to get in trouble when i was little becasue i would be up at night reading instead of sleeping.”

- from a girl’s dating profile

Tags: book, dating, girl, profile, sleep

Tags: death, sleep

I got a text message from some random number. So, as I usually like to have fun with these kinds of things, the following ensues:

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Dee: Marcel? It’s dee

davepoobond: Hey baby what’s up how you doin

Dee: Hi lol I’ve been pretty good actually. Wbu?

davepoobond: O u kno jus chillin

davepoobond: N e plns 4 tonite

-

2 hours later

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davepoobond: Yo you there?

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5 hours later, at 1:57 AM she texts me again. (I was sleeping. Who the fuck texts back at 2 AM in the morning?)

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Dee: My bad, my phone died. I was helping my cousin move

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I wait until about 5:30 the next day and send her…

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davepoobond: Hey what up dee what you up to

Dee: Whos this

davepoobond: What are you talkin bout

Dee: Who’s this*

davepoobond: Who is what

davepoobond: This is marcel

Dee: Which one? Lol what’s your last name

davepoobond: Why u askin how many marcels u kno?

davepoobond: Wait who is this

Dee: I know a few, and it’s dee. So which is it?

davepoobond: Jones

davepoobond: Which dee is this

davepoobond: U there?

-

Dammit! My like-a-black-guy texting didn’t convince her or something happened that tipped her off that she was texting the wrong person.

Tags: baby, LOL, morning, sleep, text message

Tagged People: davepoobond, Dee

furiosoqu – v. to fall asleep while being shaved by a barber

Tags: barber, furiosoqu, sleep, verb

nahpo – v. to sleep on the floor of a governmental building full of delegates

Tags: building, nahpo, sleep, verb

First Date:

“this is random but i wouldn’t even mind going to a graveyard and fall asleep on a grave.”

- from a girl’s dating profile

Tags: dating, girl, grave, profile, sleep

Just a few weeks after taking a job as a security guard, my husband announced that he had been fired. He explained that he’d fallen asleep at this desk and someone broke into the building.

“But you’re such a light sleeper,” I said. “I’m surprised the sound of the guy breaking in didn’t wake you up.”

“I didn’t get fired for falling asleep,” he confessed, “I was fired for wearing my earplugs.”

Tags: desk, security guard, sleep, sound

Q: Why did the baby vampire sleep in its parents’ bed?

A: It kept having bat dreams.

Tags: baby, bat, bed, dream, parents, sleep, vampire

Q: What does the Road Runner do when it can’t sleep?

A: It counts beep.

Tags: bird, sleep

Kids in my school are really lazy.  They’re so lazy their favorite game is Hide and Sleep.

Tags: school, sleep

Knock-knock!

Who’s there?

Pasture.

Pasture who?

Pasture bedtime, isn’t it?

Tags: bed, sleep

Q: What did one sleepy pig say to the other sleepy pig?

A: “Stop hogging the blankets!”

Tags: blanket, pig, sleep

Q: What type of pill needs an alarm clock?

A: A sleeping pill.

Tags: alarm, medicine, sleep

Tags: brain, school, sleep, Syndicate Me, television

“overwrought with the birthday party he’s having, Little Johnny couldn’t go to sleep”

- davepoobond

Tags: A DPB Tag, birthday, party, sleep

Tagged People: davepoobond