Lovely Text Message #22444: Dee -> davepoobond

I got a text message from some random number. So, as I usually like to have fun with these kinds of things, the following ensues:

Dee: Marcel? It’s dee

davepoobond: Hey baby what’s up how you doin

Dee: Hi lol I’ve been pretty good actually. Wbu?

davepoobond: O u kno jus chillin

davepoobond: N e plns 4 tonite

2 hours later

davepoobond: Yo you there?

5 hours later, at 1:57 AM she texts me again. (I was sleeping. Who the fuck texts back at 2 AM in the morning?)

Dee: My bad, my phone died. I was helping my cousin move

I wait until about 5:30 the next day and send her…

davepoobond: Hey what up dee what you up to

Dee: Whos this

davepoobond: What are you talkin bout

Dee: Who’s this*

davepoobond: Who is what

davepoobond: This is marcel

Dee: Which one? Lol what’s your last name

davepoobond: Why u askin how many marcels u kno?

davepoobond: Wait who is this

Dee: I know a few, and it’s dee. So which is it?

davepoobond: Jones

davepoobond: Which dee is this

davepoobond: U there?

Dammit! My like-a-black-guy texting didn’t convince her or something happened that tipped her off that she was texting the wrong person.

 

Joke #18496

Just a few weeks after taking a job as a security guard, my husband announced that he had been fired. He explained that he’d fallen asleep at this desk and someone broke into the building.

“But you’re such a light sleeper,” I said. “I’m surprised the sound of the guy breaking in didn’t wake you up.”

“I didn’t get fired for falling asleep,” he confessed, “I was fired for wearing my earplugs.”