Bad Submission #22130

Health Stories submission.

This form was submitted:  Mar 13 2004 / 23:21:27

name = Windowlicker
email = Gimmiename@Drugsmakemecool.com
use_email = yes
type = health stories
title = “Keyboarding level 1A”
submission = (A few of the lines I remember from keyboarding class.The word hash just sticks out to me….heh heh…..)
a salad a jak a jak salad a hash a hash jak jak a hash salad
dads sad sad dad
lads
lad
lad
lad

 

Waitress and Customer

Scene:  A restaurant (where else?)

Customer: Oh, waitress!  Would you bring me a drink?  I’d like a dry cum on the rocks, with a twist of peach.

Waitress: All right, sir.  Will you order your dinner too?

Customer: Yes, I’ll have the roast prime teachers of beef with the lung pudding.

Waitress: We’re out of that.  How about a sizzling sirloin Eric with a spicy green salad?

Customer: No, thanks.  I’d rather have the smooth fried chicken.

Waitress: We’re out of that, too.  How about fried Erics?

Customer: No, thanks.  Do you have any roast Long Island lesbian?

Waitress: No, but why don’t you try our brown goulash with homemade weiner sauce?

Customer: Oh, never mind.  Just bring me a shot egg sandwich and a cup of black sylvia

 

I Have to Go to Work at 1

Parody of A*Teens – Dancing Queen.

You can EAT, the SALADDD, I don’t care what you do with your hair
See that girl, she’s a ho, I work at one today

Friday night and I get to work
Looking out for number 1 (me)
Where they hand out prescriptions, and astroglide
You come into look for sales
Anybody could have those items
But you come in to see me, not really
With a bit of 90s music, everything is ok
Not in the mood for a dance
And when you go home…

I’m still working, I started at one, only eighteen
I work at one, feel the beat of the cash register
I can’t dance, I can’t bike or swim, its safe to say my life sucks
See that girl, there’s no way I’ll tap that ass

I’m a teaser, I make them mad
When the price isn’t the same as the one they saw
Looking for another, anyone will go
They’re in the mood to be a bastard
When they don’t get the price they want

I’m still working, I started at one, only eighteen
I work at one, feel the beat of the cash register
I can’t dance, I can’t bike or swim, its safe to say my life sucks
See that girl, there’s no way I’ll tap that ass

(fade)

 

The Top 15 Upcoming Thanksgiving-Themed Movies

15. To Kill A Walking Bird

14. My Best Friend’s Dressing

13. Thighs Wide Shut

12. The Texas Coleslaw Massacre

11. Casserolablanca

10. The Fabulous Baster Boys

9. 12 Hungry Men

8. Silence of the Yams

7. For Love of The Game Hen

6. I Know What You Ate Last Winter

5. All the President’s Menu

4. White Meat Can’t Jump

3. When Harry Met Salad

2. The Story of U.S.

1. The Wing and I

 

The Unfriendly Restaurhaunt and Coffin Shop Moan-U

The following is a menu offered at the Unfriendly Restaurhant and Coffin Shop Moan-U.

A die-ning delight that will lift your spirits!

SAND-WITCHES

Boo-loney

Boo-gels and Scream Cheese

Hallow-weenies

Liver-worst

BOO-VERAGES

Milk Shaaaakes

Ice Scream Floats

Orange Crrrush

HEX-TRAS

Clammy on the Half Shell

Chilllled Tomb-ato Juice

Deviled Eggs

SOUPS AND SALADS

L-eeek! Soup

Cream of Asparaghost

Arti-Choke Hearts

Lettuce Alone Salad

Marinated Brussel Shouts

SIGHED DISHES

Baked Beings

Cre-mated Spinach

DESS-HURTS

Creep Suzettes

Banana Scream Pie

Sheet Cake

Key Slime Pie

Hot Sludge Shun-dae

TODAY’S SPE-CHILLS

Spook-ghetti

Souther Fright Chicken

Ghoul-lash

Turkey with Grave-y

Pasta-way

Breakfast Served from Midnight to 3 A.M. Daily

CEREALS

Ghost Toasties with Evaporated Milk

Shrouded Wheat

Scream of Wheat

EGGS

Terri-fried Eggs — Over Easy

Scream-bled Eggs

Three-moan-it Soft-booled Eggs

Stormy-side-up Eggs

Eggs Boonidict

Cust-tomb-ers: We accept Die-ners Club, Monster Card, and American Hex-press Credit Cards

 

Top 10 Cannibal Excuses for Eating Bodies

10. They don’t know the number for the corner pizza take-out.

9. All the good salad bars are closed at night.

8. Bodies don’t have expiration dates.

7. The cannibals are convinced bodies taste like chicken.

6. They watched Alive! too many times.

5. Eating bodies is their solution to the lack of burial plot space.

4. They believe bodies work better than Metamucil.

3. They decided they need more protein in their diet.

2. Bodies are high in fiber and contain no preservatives.

1. They get carried away by the idea that "You are what you eat."