Squacklecast Episode 1 – “Episode 468”

This entry is part 1 of 32 in the series The Squacklecast

Hello everyone!  This is the first episode of the Squacklecast, named “Episode 468,” with your hosts davepoobond and Solid Billy.  If you aren’t aware, you can click the “play” button above to start the podcast.  You can also play it in a popup window or even download it.

This post is meant to supplement the Squacklecast so that you can easily refer to all the things that we are talking about.

Katy Perry – Part of Me music video

Taxi Driver is a movie with Robert De Niro and Cybill Shepherd.

That Justin Bieber magazine cover I was talking about:

He looks like a girl.

He looks like a girl.

Lesbians That Look Like Justin Bieber on Tumblr.com

Sarah Jessica Parker Looks Like a Horse.com

This movie that I hate called The Blind Side.

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

Sandra Bullock is good in Crash because she’s good at being a racist.

But her best movie is really Demolition Man.

The necessarily annoying foil to Keanu Reeves in Speed.

That He-man recut of that LMFAO song.

Bridesmaids was bad.

Ninja Vixens on Google Image Search

Surf Nazis Must Die

And here’s a Youtube trailer.

Netflix doesn’t have Hard to Kill

But they have Ernest Goes to Camp.

Ernest Goes to Camp is 4.99 at Best Buy but you have to get 2 other movies too…

Solid Billy is still waiting for Steel, the blacksmith empowerment film, on Netflix!  Get on it, Reed Hastings!

Fresyes?  More like Fresno, since they rolled it out everywhere recently – Doritos Tacos Locos at Taco Bell.

A tribute to 3D chips.

Samuel L. Jackson dies in Deep Blue Sea.  Or was it the Abyss?  I don’t even fuckin know what movie I’m watching.

The Abyss is about aliens in the water.

I swear I saw Avatar.

Avatar is a total rip off of the following movies:

Fantastic Planet

ThumbelinaThe Love Story in Avatar is pretty much this movie.

Fern Gully: The Last RainforestI swear this is pretty much the trailer for Avatar.

WE NEED A SPORTS GUY

I might have talked to her once on the phone…

So hawt.

Davepoobond talked to her on the phone once, maybe.

How to Make a Better Podcast

Until next time, folks!

 

Waitress and Customer

Scene:  A restaurant (where else?)

Customer: Oh, waitress!  Would you bring me a drink?  I’d like a dry cum on the rocks, with a twist of peach.

Waitress: All right, sir.  Will you order your dinner too?

Customer: Yes, I’ll have the roast prime teachers of beef with the lung pudding.

Waitress: We’re out of that.  How about a sizzling sirloin Eric with a spicy green salad?

Customer: No, thanks.  I’d rather have the smooth fried chicken.

Waitress: We’re out of that, too.  How about fried Erics?

Customer: No, thanks.  Do you have any roast Long Island lesbian?

Waitress: No, but why don’t you try our brown goulash with homemade weiner sauce?

Customer: Oh, never mind.  Just bring me a shot egg sandwich and a cup of black sylvia

 

Exploring Caves

If you like to go fucking in stupid caves that are 248 feet underground, you should go to the gay Mammoth Caves located in a strip club.  Thousands of sexy boobs go there every summer.  Crawling about in caves is called “spelunking.”  And it is really a stupid sport.  But always go with a turdy guide so you won’t get lost.  Once in the cave, you will see beautiful purple and red rocks and crystals.  Huge lesbian-like things hang from the ceiling and are called “stalactites.”  Huge gay things jut up from the floor and are called “stalagmites.”  Caes are hom to millions of lesbian bats.  Bats can fly and look like stupid rats.  Spelunking is dangerous, so be sure to wear special shoes with bars on them and a hat with a battery-powered pen.

 

E.S.P.

These days many gay scientists are studying the phenomenon known as E.S.P.  The initials E.S.P. stand for ethnically, stinky, poop.  If you have E.S.P. you can predict the future and read people’s peeping toms.  You can sometimes see coming events such as a sex crash.  Or a lesbian earthquake.  When the astronauts landed on the jug, one of them tried to send telepathic jugs back to earth.  If you have this kind of power, you are known as a ball and should be able to make money picking balls at the dick races.

 

The Boy Who Ate Diamonds

One day, an irate king felt it was necessary to declare economic warfare on his neighboring, rich, kingdom full of goody-do-gooders and twody-shoesters.  He hired a mercenary to go and find a secret, yet silent way to eliminate Rich Kingdom’s wealth and make Irate Kingdom supercede it.

This mercenary was actually a double agent for Rich Kingdom and he told Richie, the King of Rich Kingdom what Irate King was planning on doing.  After rewarding the mercenary with two hot lesbians for his loyalty, the king had a perfect plan for countermanding Irate King’s verdict.

Locked in the deep dark dungeons of Rich Kingdom lie the Boy who Ate Diamonds.  They call him BAD.  BAD was living off lesser carbon densities during his stay in the dungeon, such as coal.  Richie King unlocked the doors to BAD’s cell and gave him a chance of freedom.

His mission: eat the diamonds of Irate Kingdom and destroy their wealth.  BAD screeched and ran out into the world, never to be seen again.  Rich King felt like a dumbass, he just let a crazy psychotic who ate diamonds out of jail!

Moral of the story:  Think twice about how to pre-emptiviely attack someone who wants to destroy you.