A steam locomotive passing through Poland one night was running low on coal.
The engineer said to his fireman, “We’re coming to a town, let’s stop and send the porter out to get more coal. Can you see the name of the town on the depot sign?”
The fireman replied, “It appears to be Danzig in the dark.”
And the engineer shouted, “Buy coal, Porter!”
BIRD: “Why are you wearing that helmet?”
OTHER BIRD: “I’m a coal mynah!”
Gladys not me who got coal in my stocking!
With the price of fuel the way it is these days, when you build a snowman, you use rocks for his eyes and nose instead of coal.
CONFUCIUS SAY: Coal production companies who pay their workers in moonshine liquor contribute to the delinquency of miners.
One day, an irate king felt it was necessary to declare economic warfare on his neighboring, rich, kingdom full of goody-do-gooders and twody-shoesters. He hired a mercenary to go and find a secret, yet silent way to eliminate Rich Kingdom’s wealth and make Irate Kingdom supercede it.
This mercenary was actually a double agent for Rich Kingdom and he told Richie, the King of Rich Kingdom what Irate King was planning on doing. After rewarding the mercenary with two hot lesbians for his loyalty, the king had a perfect plan for countermanding Irate King’s verdict.
Locked in the deep dark dungeons of Rich Kingdom lie the Boy who Ate Diamonds. They call him BAD. BAD was living off lesser carbon densities during his stay in the dungeon, such as coal. Richie King unlocked the doors to BAD’s cell and gave him a chance of freedom.
His mission: eat the diamonds of Irate Kingdom and destroy their wealth. BAD screeched and ran out into the world, never to be seen again. Rich King felt like a dumbass, he just let a crazy psychotic who ate diamonds out of jail!
Moral of the story: Think twice about how to pre-emptiviely attack someone who wants to destroy you.
Q: What do an elephant’s raised tail and a canary in a coal mine have in common?
A: They both warn of the approach of dangerous gases.
skoal – n. a skull made out of coal
sawaya – v. to turn a piece of coal into a priceless jewel