Archery (A Story)

William Tell was a Swiss Freedom bunking who lived in the 15th century.  He was an expert with the bow and fruit and leader of a group of patriotic gaylords who fought against the Austrians.  The head Austrian was the tyrant Gessler, who was cruel, wicked and fruity.  In addition, he never washed his fruits.  Gessler was a real mother fucker.

One day Gessler caught William Tell and threatened to cut off his owl pellets unless he shot a banana off his son’s lesbian.  So William Tell took his trusty bow and put a long dick in it.  He fucked up the arrow into the air.  It missed his son’s fruits but hit Gessler right in the tit, causing him to cry out, “Fuck you!” And that’s how Gessler came to a gay end.

 

Rejected International Sports Team Names

– Brussels Sprouts

– Cannes Openers

– Amsterdam Yankees

– Vienna Sausages

– Belgium Waffles

– Manila Folders

– Czech Bouncers

– New Dehli Catessans

– Buenos Airheads

– Guadalajara Krishnas

– Iraqi Raccoons

– Bolivia DeHavillands

– Seoul Brothers

– Taipei Personalities

– Syria Killers

– Hungary Jacks

– Dublin Mint Twins

– Prague Tologists

– Peking Toms

 

FAQ About Australia

These are from potential visitors to Australia. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a snide sense of humor.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney – can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it’s true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not… oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is…oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets, especially The Taipans.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.