Bird Watching and Vice-Versa

Bird watching can be more fun than a barrel of fish.  Our hairy feathered friends are everywhere, waiting to be watched.  An interesting bird to start with is the Creamy Oriole, which builds its nest in shit trees.  Early in spring we hear the Oriole give its mating call, which sounds like this: “slurp, slurp.”  Then the male and female get together and fuck.  Later the female lays 69 eggs.  Isn’t that stimulating?  Another fascinating bird is the Three-Breasted Nuthatch.  The Nuthatch is very tame.  He will fly down and land right on your rubber, and eat out of your dick.  Other birds to watch out for are the Red-Crested Ass, the Red-Necked Thrush and the Yellow-Bellied Tit Sucker.  Now that you know something about birds – get out there and watch!

 

Bad Submission #18974

This form was submitted:  Apr 20 2005 / 19:52:45

name = Mysterious G
type = Yuck
title = Her
submission = Theres this really ugly girl and shes so fat that her vagina is the size of 3 tennis balls put togther and her boobs sag down to her chest and her ass leaks anal juice

 

Joke #18068

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.”

So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1. Sip the vodka, don’t gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T.”
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, “Take this and eat it for it is my body.” He did not say, “Eat me.”
12. The Virgin Mary is not called, “Mary with the Cherry.”
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter’s not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.