Squacklecast Episode 15 – “Crappy Movies Under the Stars”

This entry is part 15 of 31 in the series The Squacklecast

Hey folks!  We’re back after a mini-hiatus.  We failed at coaxing our only previous guest from attending this podcast, so we catch up with the freelancing gig I’m doing tomorrow instead.

And it looks like its going to be a disaster!  Just like the rest of this week’s episode… full of technical problems!  Technically the problem is davepoobond.  (Get it?)

Billy watched The Dark Knight Returns, Part 2.

Total Recall (the new one) sucked balls.  I didn’t see it yet, but its just an example of dumbing down and mainstreaming the source content for no apparent reason.

Len Wiseman is a terrible director.  Fuck that guy.  He’s going to ruin the Mummy reboot, just like he ruined Total Recall.

The new Mummy should be in space.

Guess I know what’s going on my shelf in the near future!

 

Total Recall: My Unbelievably True Life Story

Wouldn’t you do Red Sonja back in the day?

Brigitte Nielsen as Red Sonja

What about Maria Shriver?

Maria Shriver Looks Like Predator

I think I know which Arnold Schwarzenegger movie counterpart I’d do.  And that would be the predator — that mouth is so sexy.

Deep Space Nine introduces a character named Vic Fontaine halfway through Season 6.  There is… A LOT of singing.  For no apparent reason.  They just hang out there a lot for no particular reason.

Vic Fontaine

They couldn’t think of anything better?

iPhone 5 came out this past week.  Did I get one?  No.  Will I get one?  Maybe.  The maps suck on it though.

iPhone 5

Who woulda thought upgrading to iOS 6 Maps would be about as useful as that Fox News app?

Who’s going to make the world’s first nutritional supplement replicator?  Apple or Google?

I say Apple.

First thing I’m going to do with that new Replicator thinger is replicate some alcohol to put in my piss and sell it.

So, how much would you pay for the Crappy Movies Under the Stars Film Festival?  HMMMMM???

 

Squacklecast Episode 14 – “An Eternity of Dog Food Commercials”

This entry is part 14 of 31 in the series The Squacklecast

Welcome to the “try-weekly” episode of the Squacklecast.  This week we talk about this super sappy and emotional dog food commercial that will make anyone have a tear come to their eye because they’ve been puking their guts out at how much it makes you sick:

Another thing, is that they’re preparing Mac and Cheese for this asshole hours before he even gets home.

Imagine getting out of your car one day, closing the door, and seeing a huge dog all of a sudden appear in front of you.

Mean Dog

OH SHIT!

Wouldn’t you like to live forever?  It would give you enough time to finish off all of the Star Trek series before passing onto the next world, after all.

If there’s one, two, or three movies you need to see before you die, it would be the 3 Ninjas series, with High Noon at Mega Mountain being the best.

It features a dangerous course full of fire built by a decrepit old man for his grandsons.  I think that constitutes as child endangerment.  Good thing he dies.  Whoops, spoiler.

Surf Ninjas was pretty awesome too.  Here’s the others we were talking about:

Santa’s Slay

Santa with Muscles

ThanksKilling

Next Squacklecast, we’ll talk about more movies on our Netflix queues…

What I learned from World of Warcraft is:  “You don’t have something until you have it.”  It’s a life lesson.  Or something.

Ras Al Ghul from Batman Begins became an eco-terrorist with his eternity of time to live.

Total Recall (the real one) foretells a time of three-titted babes on Mars.  I can’t wait to live there during my fifth lifetime.

Curiosity is just using Instagram filters to take its pictures of Mars.  Behold.

Before Instagram (aka before being cool):

Curiosity Taking a Picture of Mars

After Instagram (aka now its cool):

Curiosity Taking an Instagram of Mars

Facebook City?  Also known as Las Vegas…

Jonathan Frakes kind of overacts during his “Riker-focused” episodes in Star Trek.  Here’s a select few where he’s always trying to bang a chick, a job once reserved for a Captain, now given to the Second-in-Command.:

See you guys next month!!!  GET ITTTT???!?!?!?

 

Squacklecast Episode 13 – “About the Olympics or Something”

This entry is part 13 of 31 in the series The Squacklecast

The Squacklecast is back from yet another hiatus to recap the Olympics!  Well, only some parts of it.

The best highlight of the Olympics?  Of course that goes to Carmelo Anthony receiving a nut punch.

Soccer on the international level is grade A bullshit.  No wonder the whole world loves it because they’re a bunch of fucking idiots.  America doesn’t like soccer because its fucking dumb!!!!

Ryan Lochte is a good looking guy… and then he opens his mouth…

And this is the Funny or Die we mentioned.  I didn’t think it was that great, but it serves to illustrate our point about Mr. Lochte.

This Danny Boyle guy should never touch another Olympic event ever.

Spice World is a great campy movie.  It has a lot of popular cameos of famous UK actors/singers.

It From the Pit will be a new Olympics game, I can feel it.

It From the Pit Box

The Pile Driver with the guy’s face in the other guy’s underwear.

Pile Driver In Underwear

The 2012 Icons are pretty shitty.  They should just put words instead of stupid stick figures, wouldn’t you say?

2012 Olympic Sports Logos

Well, that’s that!  Finally we can get back to our normal programming on NBC that I already don’t watch.

 

Squacklecast Episode 12 – “It’s Not a Car. It’s a Squacklecast.”

This entry is part 12 of 31 in the series The Squacklecast

BE ADVISED:  THERE ARE DARK KNIGHT RISES SPOILERS IN THIS PODCAST!  DO NOT PLAY IT IF YOU CARE TO WATCH THE MOVIE

This week we talk about Dark Knight Rises!

IT’S NOT A CAR!!!!

Dark Knight Rises took a couple of queue’s from the 1960’s Batman for the main “threat” apparently…

Bane’s computer of choice is the flipscreen netbook.  Not really that impressive or futuristic…

Flip Netbook

Dark Knight Rises… wait a minute, I’ve seen this movie before… its just Rocky III!

Why didn’t the ships in Star Trek just launch warp cores as weapons instead of puny photon torpedoes?

That was the best video I could find of Star Trek explosions.

That’s all for this week, folks!  If you’d like to be on next week’s podcast, let us know!