WIFE: “It’s outrageous that this tow truck driver is charging fifty dollars to tow us only two miles.”
HUSBAND: “Don’t worry, dear, he’s going to earn his pay. I have the brakes on.”
Tag Archives: wife
Joke #12773
Q: Did you hear about the lady who was proud to call herself a housewife?
A: She was married to Matthew J. House, a wealthy businessman.
alimony
alimony – n. the billing without the cooing
Joke #12710
WIFE: “Wake up! Wake up! There’s a burglar in the kitchen and he’s eating the leftover stew we had for supper.”
HUSBAND: “Go back to sleep and don’t worry, dear. I’ll bury him in the morning.”
Joke #12708
JUDGE: “Tell me, Miss, do you promise to take the groom for better or worse?”
BRIDE: “Judge, I promise to take him for everything.”
Joke #12628
OVERHEARD: “A college professor was telling a friend, ‘My wife is very optimistic about my future. She has already spent my next year’s salary.”
Joke #12491
A young man wanted to marry a comedian’s daughter. “Sir,” said the young man, “may I have your daughter for my wife?”
The comic, a widower for many years, replied, “If your wife can cook and clean house, it’s a deal.”
Joke #12487
TEDDY: “Will you marry me, my darling?”
TINA: “I’m not sure. You’ve been married five times and I’ve heard some nasty stories about you.”
TEDDY: “Don’t believe any of them. Those stores are nothing, but old wives’ tales.”
Joke #12425
My husband keeps me on a strict allowance… fifty words a day!
Joke #12424
My wife and I argue so much that when our anniversary comes around, we celebrate it with a minute of silence.
Joke #12419
A TV rating outfit recently called a sample of the male population in New York and asked, “Who are you listening to at this time?”
Of the respondents, .995 percent answered, “My wife.”
Joke #12416
A man came home one night and found his house locked up tight. He searched his pockets, but couldn’t find his house key.
After trying all the first-floor windows, he finally climbed up on a garbage can and in through a second-story window. he turned on the lights and found a note from his wife on a table: “Dear, I have gone to the store. you will find the key under the mat.”
Joke #12411
If I was cremated, my ex-wife would probably have my ashes put in a spittoon.
Joke #12408
“The brakes are gone!” cried the wife. “I can’t stop the car. What should I do?”
Her husband beside her in the front seat said, “Keep calm and look for a cheap economy car.”
“Why bother to look for a cheap economy car?” she asked.
“Do you think I’m going to let you stop by crashing into a brand new luxury car?”
Joke #12404
Is my wife healthy? Well the answer is yes and no. Her heart is in bad shape from lack of exercise. And her tongue is in great shape from too much!