riudado – v. to put salt on train tracks
supiesto – v. to sneeze on a train
There once was a little train engine.
It couldn’t do its job so it shot itself.
Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long day in the city.
One asked the other, “Your son go back to college yet?”
“Two days ago.”
“Hm. Mine’s a senior this year, so it’s almost over. In May, he’ll be an engineer.”
“What’s your boy going to be when he gets out of college?”
“At the rate he’s going, I’d say he’ll be about thirty.”
“No, I mean what’s he taking in college?”
“He’s taking every penny I make.”
“Doesn’t he burn the midnight oil enough?”
“He doesn’t get in early enough to burn the midnight oil.”
“Well, has sending him to college done anything at all?”
“Sure has! It’s totally cured his mother of bragging about him!”
Q: What’s the difference between a cattle herder and a locomotive driver?
A: One trains the steers, the other steers the trains.
Q: What terrier is like the little engine that could?
A: I think, a cairn!
“trains, puppies, feet”
– from the Radio
“at 12:15–AAHHH! Here it is! At 12:15 a train passes…”
– Dr. OldNBald
A millionaire who’d been bad all of his life was nearing the end of his time on earth and wanted to wipe the slate clean. To make amends for his evil ways, he donated a lot of money to a local church and had a meeting with the minister to discuss the possibility of getting into heaven.
Since the man had spent most of his life being evil, the minister couldn’t really assure him he’d get into heaven, but he didn’t want to disappoint the man and lose a big contributor. Being diplomatic, the minister sized up the millionaire’s chances like this:
“Mr. Smith, when it comes to riding on the heavenly railroad, think of yourself as a standby passenger.”
A traveling salesman was on a train one day. He started saying out loud, “One pair of pants, two pairs of pants, three pairs of pants…”
A woman sitting across from him said, “Sir, don’t you know it’s not right to count your britches before you get to them?”
They say taking a plane is safer than taking the train. Ha! When’s the last time anyone hijacked a train to Cuba?
A word to the wise: People with the last name of Train should never nickname any of their children “Choo Choo.”
seasickness – n. the reason to travel by rail