I can’t seem to do anything right. The other day I shot at a burglar who broke into my house and when the police arrived, they arrested me for assault with a deadly weapon while the burglar escaped.
Tag Archives: robber
Joke #12527
The other day a pickpocket tried to pick my pocket and I was so broke, all he got for his trouble was practice.
Joke #12507
It was so cold in the East last year that when cops yelled “Freeze” to fleeing muggers, if the guy stopped running — they did.
Joke #12471
Now I’m sure the I.R.S. is robbing taxpayers blind… Yesterday I saw a poster of Uncle Sam and he was carrying a pistol and wearing a mask.
Joke #12433
Rumor has it that Washington is going to solve the crime problem by legalizing mugging.
Joke #12352
Did you hear about the Florida pickpocket who went bankrupt because he had cold hands?
Joke #12342
Did you hear about the dumb bank robber who got caught when he stopped after the job to ask a traffic cop for directions to the highway?
Joke #12341
Crooks are bolder than ever. The last time I was robbed, the mugger gave me his card in case I was ever in the neighborhood again.
Joke #12337
Crime is really bad in the East in the wintertime. During the last blizzard, a bunch of kids made a snowman and five minutes after it was finished, a crook came along and mugged it.
Joke #12331
Did you hear about the dumb pickpocket who was so clumsy he couldn’t even steal a kiss from his girlfriend?
Joke #12330
Criminals are getting bolder these days. Last week while handing out a parking ticket, a cop was mugged.
Joke #12323
Being a mugger isn’t that great a job. The hours are good and the pay is high, but there’s no medical coverage.
Joke #10974
Q: What do you get when you cross a careless guillotine operator with a bank robber?
A: A one-armed bandit.
Books Never Written
– “Let’s Go to the Moon,” by Hugo First
– “An Everflown River,” by P.A. Little
– “The History of Song,” by Mike Roffone
– “Peanut Butter And Jelly: Noon Time Snacks From Around the World,” by Sam Wich
– “How Do You Spell ‘Kat?'” by Ima Dope
– “Speaking Spanish,” by Mell Amo
– “10 Easy Steps to Denial,” By Itwa Sentme
– “The Adventures of Sure-Locked Homes” – an anti-burglary booklet