“If ANYTHING is missing or incorrect…please make notes on the paper”
– Ms. Boms
Tag Archives: paper
Quote #13552
“I took a stack of papers from the classroom”
– Dr. OldNBald
Quote #13377
“this doesn’t feel like a big stack of papers for me to grade!”
::tossing up a stack of paper::
– Miss Canoffat
Joke #13145
I know our marriage is no longer meaningful to my husband. The other day he made a paper airplane out of our marriage certificate and sailed it out the window.
Joke #12894
GAL (to office boy carrying a large stack of paper): “What’s all that, Charlie?”
CHARLIE: “These are memos from the boss telling us to cut down on using too much paper!”
Joke #12533
Now the government is thinking of minting coins to take the place of paper bills. The idea is that by making the dollars heavier, inflation won’t be able to soar as easily.
pog
pog – n. a cheap paper disc that is used to play a game called “Pogs.”
aeecb
aeecb – n. a random piece of paper that is smoking
launlololountaluneluna
launlololountaluneluna – v. to buy a hundred thousand rooms full of paper
meuva
meuva – n. a phone number on a piece of pink paper (implying its from a slut or a gay man)
Children’s Story
One day, in a small city called Kingsburg in California there live a family of four people. There are two parents with two children. One child is a girl and the other is a girl also. The two children don’t get along very well probably because of their age difference. Their parents think of everything, trying to make them get along. When they have an idea they would write it down on a piece of paper and later that day they would try it.
The five-year-old girl is named Tina, and the other seven-year-old daughter is named Susan. One idea that the parents came up with is to take them both to their Aunt Helen’s house, so that they can spend some quiet time together in the playroom. The parents thought that they might just get along if they get to play pirates or Robin Hood or some other game like that together.
It worked at first when they were playing Sleeping Beauty. But after awhile they began arguing and arguing led to fighting. They were fighting about who will be the witch and who will be the princess. The parents sighed and had to go back to the drawing board. Another idea the parents came up with that might just bring their two children to become civil with each other is to assign Tina and Susan, to a project. Their project turned out to be a Birthday card for their Aunt Helen.
That idea didn’t work because Tina drew a heart on the top left corner of the card, red and Susan wanted it to be blue. So they began fighting once again. The parents sighed and tried again. The next idea for the children is to switch places for a day. If they do this, they can find out something interesting about each other.
At first, Tina and Armen thought that this idea was going to be fun but after the day went by, they hated the idea because Tina went into her room and Armen went into his room. When the parents said that they also had to switch rooms for the night, the two kids started to cry. The parents started getting very frustrated with this whole situation. After thinking for awhile, they came up with a very simple and, at the same time, genius solution.
That simple solution was to politely ask Tina and Armen to participate and really try to get along. The two parents told them what they were trying to do for so long which was to try to make Tina and Susan to get along. Their kids understood because they too were sick of fighting every day. About a week later the two parents saw much improvement with their kids, and they are now a very happy family.
The Reason Pigs Fly: A Manifesto
There once was a town in east Oregon named baloopateeassssiville. Believe it or not it was a clown nudist colony. Now you may ask yourself. WHAT THE HELL ARE CLOWNS NAKED FOR! I am here to tell you. My name is Horatio the weasel clown and this is my manifesto.
It was a hot afternoon in mid September. The bees were out, the bees are always out. There are so many god damn bees. Back to the story. Well I was out walking my french poodle name Jose, when you know who I ran into? It was my ex-wife btichass the clown.. This was about 6 years before we became a nudist colony. That happened after the war. Well as I was saying I was walking when my little doggy took a little poopoo. Well you would not believe this but my ex wife comes and picks it up, puts it into a paper cup, adds water and PRESTO you have poop water. I was in the middle of throwing up when she asked what the matter was. I can’t believe you did that you swappy* bitch, that was dog shit yo (I was in the middle of the phase where I was talking in strange tongues). She said yes but it’s good for my asthma. I said yeah right skank, I challenge you to a duel. She said in a very feminine voice “Oh, is that like a party”. I said smirking “yeah kinda”. She said “Great, I’ll bring crumpets”. Her ignorance brought me to the point where I wanted to cut her and eat her heart. I settled for a piece of broccoli and corned beef.
Well it was the day of the duel and as was expected, she brought the damn crumpets. We sat down for a few minutes. We talked of the current japanese invasion of Virginia and caught up on the local news, movies, and books. I was almost beginning to revoke the proposal of a duel, when she brings out the biggest fish I Have ever seen. Even more amazingly, she had two. She said, I figured instead of a duel we could throw these fish. I said “I suppose so” with a sigh of relief. We mutually decided she should go first as she brought the fish. She threw it, and man the bitch could throw. Paranoia began to leap over me. What if I could not beat her throw I would be the laughing stock of the town. I began to sweat intensely and began drooping. She handed me my fish and said “Beat that if you can” she said. I said “I think I will if you don’t mind”. Well the winds had been kind that day and my throw was possibly a world record, I kid you not. That’s when the attack kicked in. I became dizzy and I was shaking like you would not believe. I collapsed in a sudden big heap. You would not believe the intensity I felt. It was like being reborn. They say I’ve lost it. But I’ve stopped listening to them. They can never take me again.
Percy’s Day Out – The Prequel to Sniper Problems…
“Oh boy oh boy!” Percy was excited. Today he would be deemed Burger Castle’s Mascot of the month! He glued a wood block to each bare foot and clomped out the door. Since he was payed less than minimum wage, he couldn’t afford shoes. Or a house for that matter. He just lived by a trash can in an alley way near a place called Elm Street.
It wasn’t the award he was excited about. He’s seen it before. You can’t pawn it off for more than 20 cents. But the big thing was the 300% raise you get when you become mascot of the month. That was an increase of 5 dollars! Almost 5 anyway…but that’s not the point. With that kind of money, he could rent some space in a sewer out, without a bathroom.
But that’s besides the point. He knew he had been doing a good job. He did have a Masters Degree in being a mascot. All those ballet classes take a lot out of you…
He hid behind a parked car waiting to find a car he could ride on to Burger Castle. It was pretty hard since it was New York, and pretty much everyone that saw him on their car, punched him off and drove off.
Just then, a blue Cadillac appeared and Percy jumped on top of it. He almost slipped off but grabbed onto the bumper. Luckily the trunk was open, so he got in.
When he saw he was near Burger Castle through the keyhole, he jumped out of the car. Luckily, they weren’t on the freeway, like a few times before.
He clomped down Castle Street toward Burger Castle. When he got there, a baseball hit him in the head. That wasn’t enough to knock down the month’s best mascot! But 253 other baseballs shot at the same time, was. It was a trap! I knew it all the time, of course.
Percy went into a dream…and it was something like this:
“All ABOARD!” said the post office man as he got onto a giant giraffe. “oh no! I’m gonna miss my plane!” said Percy. Percy had a very important meeting with the Scottish Windbag Company about the next shipment of kazoos.
Kazoos were vital to people with the rare disease, “Iwantakazoonowium.” Kazoos were made in China then sent to Denmark for testing and then sent to Scotland. Really nice kazoos came from Japan. Those were sparkly.
Percy hopped onto the girraffe after giving the post man a paper towel, which was the ticket, that had: I am a very important antelope” written on it.
After a couple minutes, the giraffe lifted off the ground and flew into the sky. They kept climbing until they got to Scotland. In this world, Scotland was 500 miles off the ground, floating in the air.
The highest country in the world is Jamaica, since everyone smokes pot there, but that’s besides the point…
When he got off the giraffe, he saluted to the post office man and called for a taxi. Taxies in Scotland are actually anteaters, they clean the streets. Percy hopped on one of them and trudged down to the Scotland Windbag Company’s main building.
They made all type of things at the Scotland Windbag Company, but their most popular products were Whuppi Cushions, kazoos, and Wind Chimes that burp.
When he got off the anteater, he ran down to the building and rang the doorbell. “Who is it!??” the intercom said. “Its me! Percy, from the United Iwantakazoonowium getter-ridders!” The intercom replied, “Oi! We’ve been expectin’ ya, laddy, come right een!” The door opened, but instead of walking into a floor, he slid down on a big slide into a dungeon!
It was a trap! But I knew it all along, of course, of course. “NOOOOOOO” Percy yelled. Percy yelled and yelled and yelled until his lungs blew up! Not because of the fact that he was in a dungeon, but because of the fact theres a big fat guy in leather and a mask on his head, with a whip, walking around a guy that was tied up with nothing but one leather strap! All of a sudden he felt a slap across his face, and he woke up from his terrible nightmare.
You may think Percy was all good now, but you shoulda seen the first person he saw when he looked up! It was Joan Rivers! THAT HORRIBLE BITCH! That did it for Percy, he got knocked out again…
(see what happens in Sniper Problems…)
Star Compactor
Prologue
I have a three day weekend coming up after finals. I’m going to play video games the whole time. It will be so relaxing. I won’t even have to tink! I can just sit in my room and stare at the TV. I can’t wait. Actually, that will probably never happen. So…anyway, you can read this story I wrote, if you want.
Chapter 1
“Yes, I have finally done it! I have constructed a trash compactor so large, that I will be able to crush the earth with it!” thought Ted, the repair guy from Venus. Ted was a simple man. Well, he was. One day a couple very rich peoplecame and told him to repair all 50 billion of their trash compactors. Ted just snapped. He was used to maybe one or two jobs a month, but this was too much. Ted took the trash compactors, and used them to create a giant trash compactor big enough to crush the Earth.
“Why the Earth, and not Venus?” you might ask? Well, one day he decided that the Earth was much too big, and it would be more efficient as a small cube. He would do the same to Venus, after.
Chapter 2
Bill was walking down the street having a normal day on Earth. He was going to buy a newspaper, then go home and read a book by the fire. The newspaper was for kindling. Suddenly, there was an eclipse. Bob looked up and saw the outline of something very huge that was blocking the sun. It looked a bit like the trash compactor in his kitchen that he used all the “pets” his kids brought home, only much bigger, obviously. Bill could hear a voice coming from the giant thing. This is what it said:
“Hello everyone. This is Ted the repair guy and yes, I am flying a giant trash compactor. Do not be alarmed! I come in peace….well, no, actually I don’t. I’m going to crush your planet into a small cube. I’m sorry if this has caused any inconvenience.”
Bill shrugged and said, “I never thought you could do that with a trash compactor…maybe I’ll crush the moon sometime.” And with that, Ted crushed the Earth and killed everything on it.
Chapter 3
The people of Venus were talking. They were talking about launching nuclear missles at the giant trash compactor. The problem was that they talked too much and Ted crushed them all before they had a chance to stop talking.
Epilogue
This story had one point. Never use trash compactors. You just heard how dangerous they are, so why use them at all? Trash compactors are just plain bad, and that goes for garbaged disposals too. Those things slice and dice things to peices. I can only imagine how many people die each year from the use of garbage disposals. Both of these things are dangerous, and you should avoid them at all costs
19 Things To Do In The Bathroom
Ways to annoy your Public Bathroom Stallmate-
1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor,”May I borrow a highlighter?”
2. Say “Uh oh, I knew I shouldn’t put my lips on that.”
3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise
4. Say, “Hmmm, I’ve never seen that color before.”
5. Drop a marble and say, “Oh sh**!! My glass eye!!”
6. Say “D***, this water is cold.”
7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly.
8. Say, “Now how did that get there?”
9. Say, “Humus. Reminds me of humus.”
10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling,”Whoa Easy boy !!”
11. Say,” Interesting….more sinkers than floaters”
12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peaunt butter on a wad of toliet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, “Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?
13. Say, “C’mon Mr. Happy! Don’t fall asleep on me!!
14. Say, “Boy, that sure looks like a maggot”
15. Say, “D***, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?”
16. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.
17. Before you unroll toliet paper, conspicusly lay down your “Cross-Dressors Anonymous” newsletter on the floor visiable to the adjacent stall.
18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, “Peek-a-boo!”
19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing “Born Free”